my careless contagion

You're right.  We've been here before.  A roadtrip to McCook, Nebraska, pivotal scene of much that went wrong for me. There was a fork in the road, and I took the wrong turn, then proceeded to make more wrong turns. There was a lot that went on here that was good, too. ( Something about living in Nebraska are the sunsets/sunrises. They are among the best.) I grew a lot. Saw what I could do and what I was bad at.  I did the best I could with what I had at the time. What I would have done differently is stayed closer to God, which would have changed some decisions. What was striking about the scene was how closely it echoes life today. Same themes. Feels like I'm taking the test over.  What I remember was the loneliness/aloneness and how I tried to cope. What worked then still works now. What didn't work then still doesn't. I don't think I am meant to live alone, which is how I still feel, even though I am a "loner" by nature. Attempts to thwart loneline...

Oh my. How have I gone this long without mentioning Sunshine On My Shoulders? John Denver, please forgive me.  Since John was known for his conservation efforts, many assume this song is just another ode to the environment. It is not. It is a love song . The key to that is found in  the first verse, which, curiously, comes after the first chorus. Yes, the song starts with the chorus, which isn’t completely unheard of. The song is also very long by today’s radio standards at more than five minutes. (By contrast, a typical punk rock song is about two and a half.) Maybe people had more time to listen to a song about sunshine in 1971 when it was released. I don’t know, but I love this song. The first verse tells the listener what all the fuss is about. Yeah, sunshine is great and makes things grow. So what? “If I had a day that I could give you, I’d give to you a day just like today. If I had a song that I could sing for you, I’d sing to you a song to make you feel this way,” sing...

An open letter to the place I lived (slightly edited from the original).  After more than seven years of living and working in Southern Black Hills, it's time for me to leave. If you don't know who I am, you are certainly forgiven. Judging by the number of people who called me Jason or Justin or Jimmy or "that guy" during my tenure here, not many even knew I existed. I worked on many projects over the years and various publications. Those numerous publications are what I've been helping produce for the last seven-plus years. The publishing industry is always changing. And so are we, our needs and our lives.  I saw some of the best and worst things in my life happen here in the Black Hills, from the birth of my son to my divorce which I initiated back in 2012 or so and finalized in 2018. I came here in part because I wanted to give my marriage another try. There was a lot of trying and failing, in general, but that's just life. What made my stay here unique wer...

I'm not even going to acknowledge the fact I'm posting yet another John Denver song. You knew I was going to do it. And it probably won't be the last time. He just got it right so often, it is ridiculous. So many of his songs are masterpieces of words and sounds and feelings, put together in a way that puts modern musicians to shame.  Like a Sad Song is another masterpiece. It is a love song, of course, so I feel it. You've probably heard this song a million times, though you may not have realized it. The same for me. It has always existed for me because it was released in 1976 on his Spirit album.  Structurally, the song is robust. You can take it and do anything with it. In this version, it is so stripped down, it is barely a song. It is more like a heart's cry with a symphony and guitar accompaniment. I don't think the actual music could be more sparse unless it was acapella. And that's the beauty of so many of John's songs. They are so completely hon...

Perhaps Love by John Denver sums up what many think of the concept of love: it's confusing. What is it? Like light refracted through a prism, it gets scattered. Many tried to explain or reduce it down in meaning, but it persists in baffling mankind. Perhaps also baffling is how many John Denver songs are about love. (I don't have a CD player in my car now because it is too new, so I'm mining YouTube for John's songs.) Here's another one. The version I'm most familiar with is the duet with Placido Domingo, but I like this version better. Apostle Paul, when writing about God (and, by extension, God's love), said, " For now we see through a glass, darkly;  but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." In Paul's time, glass was not clear as it is now; it was full of impurities, so you saw shadows instead of people. It was a good description of us trying to grasp the fullness of God's love. In our ear...

My Sweet Lady by John Denver can be heard all around us, from mundane to special moments. You hear it at the grocery store as you browse the produce section. And it is a perennial wedding song. You may even hear it at birthday parties for dogs (cus people actually have those, which still amazes me, since I don't even celebrate my own birthday). Played millions of times since its release in 1971, it is part of the cultural ether. And that's a good thing because it is a sweet song. I dedicate this post to a certain woman. How long will I continue to write about her? How many more John Denver songs do I have? I can't do this forever, I know. Regardless of her circumstances and mine, though, I still seem to want to write these love letters, at least for a time. Everything has a beginning and an end, including me. Nothing lasts forever. So enjoy, if you're into this sort of thing. I chose this version over others even though it is slower. Why? Because he nailed it. He lays i...

  Here I am again, mining an old John Denver song and trying to repackage it with my own sentiments. If I'm anything, I'm just very sorry. But first, the lyrics. It's cold here in the city It always seems that way And I've been thinking about you almost every day Thinking about the good times Thinking about the rain Thinking about how bad it feels alone again I'm sorry for the way things are in China I'm sorry things ain't what they used to be But more than anything else I'm sorry for myself 'Cause you're not here with me Our friends all ask about you And I say you're doing fine And I expect to hear from you almost anytime But they all know I'm crying And I can't sleep at night They all know I'm dying down deep inside I'm sorry for all the lies I told you I'm sorry for the things I didn't say But more than anything else I'm sorry for myself I can't believe you went away I'm sorry if I took some things for g...

Sweet Surrender by John Denver. It's a sweet little song. I love this song and tried for a long time to find a way to post it. The video is from 1994, I believe, and John's voice is lower than the original recording (1974) because he is older and it is a live performance. Like all folk songs, it is accessible and the audience is able to sing along. Before I get into the reasons why I'm posting the song, go ahead and listen.  The part that always stuck out to me was, "My life is worth the livin', I don't need to see the end." Which brings me to why I'm posting this song. This is an unscheduled post, by the way, the next scheduled post is Feb. 8 (hopefully a bit lighter). However, I need to document a specific moment. Bear with me.  Have you ever had a dream that threw your whole day off, like you were still kind of stuck in the dream, unable to reconcile something about it, and it just bothered you something fierce?Imagine waking up every day like that,...

Consider the body of love letters I've written. Consider the songs, the poems, the promises, still soaked in hope. It feels like I wrote my wedding vows a thousand times, inscribing them on my heart with a diamond pen. What could I add to those words? What have I not already said? How could I say it better? In For You , written in 1986 (I was 9 years old) and released in 1988, John Denver said it better. There comes a point when words can't say it; they simply cannot express the feelings you have for someone. Music helps, but it is still only part-way there. This song comes pretty close to saying it, though, doesn't it? Surely this song saw many a man and woman married, just as many of John's songs did (and probably still do). The song is longing, plaintive, waiting, steadfast, but burning. I thought every single one of its lines. I felt them far more. I do offer a prayer for her each day (and more than one). And if anyone wonders, I would give my life for her. In a hea...

Follow me by John Denver was released in 1970, a full seven years before I was born and 50 years from writing this post. Some songs are timeless. This is one of them. Written about his first wife, Annie, John Denver penned a simple folk song that continues to make sense today. At least to me. I admit I have odd taste in music, but this one seems to have universal appeal. It is, of course, a love song. And people will always fall in love. The lyrics are below. *** It's by far the hardest thing I've ever done To be so in love with you and so alone Follow me where I go what I do and who I know Make it part of you to be a part of me Follow me up and down all the way and all around Take my hand and say you'll follow me It's long been on my mind You know it's been a long, long time I've tried to find the way that I can make you understand The way I feel about you and just how much I need you To be there where I can talk to you When there'...