Seven years sober

Before this month ends, I should say something short and sweet about being seven years sober. It may not mean anything to anyone else, but I don't want to take for granted what God did and how He set me free from that bondage. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for setting me free. 

It was seven years ago in the month of April I gave up alcohol. Looking back on my life, it's easy to see why I drank so hard and for so long (about 16 years hardcore). It was a means to erase my past and forget things I couldn't forget. But freedom or forgiveness didn't come in a bottle. It came only through my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I wasn't a mean drunk or anything. I just wanted to erase myself, as I saw myself as the problem. True, my problems reside within me, but killing myself wasn't the solution.

My life improved dramatically after I stopped drinking, then all the trauma from my childhood and ugly marriage came to the surface at once. I kept everything from the previous 36 years submerged, but without alcohol, I couldn't any longer. And that's when my marriage broke and everything else. I still think if Kate had listened to me at that stage when I said we should leave this place at once, we would still be together, but she resisted. She had her own agenda and ignored my pleas. What was a simple warning — if heeded, wouldn't have meant anything — turned into a divorce. It's natural to look back and think things like that could be avoided. Maybe. Maybe not. Little did I know quitting alcohol would have such damning and ugly repercussions. I do not regret quitting, but it did trigger some bad outcomes. I don't know how to adequately state what my divorce meant. It could have saved my life. But it also ended the life I had. Is the life I live now worth living? I don't have the answer to anything and can only look to God. True, I am still sad about many things. Healing takes time and effort and sometimes some drastic decisions. Much healing has already taken place, and much more is on the way.

Clearly there is much more work ahead of me. God is working on me. Quitting alcohol was the beginning of something as much as it was the end of something. Once I turn my back on something, it's gone and I'm done. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know God is in charge. In March of this year, I decided on a course of action, submitted it to God, and we'll see if He will bless it and bring it to fruition. I look forward to the possibility of a new life far from here. But today is a day to pause and consider my past, how far I've come, and what God set me free from. And to be thankful. 

Thank you for reading, and God bless.

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