my careless contagion

Nine years ago this month I gave up alcohol, which I believed God told me to do. That obedience spawned many blessings — blessings which I am still counting today as they multiply. In case you're wondering why I chose the above photo for this post, it's because I liked it. Yes, I know it has nothing to do with my testimony, but it gives me warm fuzzies and so does this post.  Yes, this blog is mostly dormant now. I wrote a lot here over the course of more than five years. (Nearly 600 posts!) But, I can't miss this opportunity to thank and praise God for the freedom from alcoholism, which is something that plagued my family line and snared me for the better part of 16 years. I know the reasons I started drinking and how my mental, physical, and spiritual health suffered as a result of using alcohol to deal with situations. It's amazing the toll it took on me, though. Alcohol clearly made my life worse. It numbed me for a short time, but it made my life worse.  Do I still...

Eight years ago I embarked on a new adventure. It was time to move. I was living in Ohio but learned my ex was pregnant (April 1, actually) while we were visiting my parents in Florida. I wanted to be the best dad I could be. For some reason, God took this heart desire and led me out of Ohio, leaving sinful practices behind.  One of those sins was alcoholism. It was in April eight years ago I quit drinking. I memorialize this fact every year because it was a miracle. Everything God does for us is a miracle, but this was quite a big one. I was mired in self-defeat and suicidal thoughts. I was literally trying to kill myself with drink, though I didn't even understand the reasons why. When I stopped drinking, it opened the door to further obedience, which opened more doors and brought about more miracles. In the years that followed, I became free in many more ways.  It shows you God takes what little we do, what little we give Him, and multiplies it. Give Him a little obedience ...

Before this month ends, I should say something short and sweet about being seven years sober. It may not mean anything to anyone else, but I don't want to take for granted what God did and how He set me free from that bondage. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for setting me free.  It was seven years ago in the month of April I gave up alcohol. Looking back on my life, it's easy to see why I drank so hard and for so long (about 16 years hardcore). It was a means to erase my past and forget things I couldn't forget. But freedom or forgiveness didn't come in a bottle. It came only through my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I wasn't a mean drunk or anything. I just wanted to erase myself, as I saw myself as the problem. True, my problems reside within me, but killing myself wasn't the solution. My life improved dramatically after I stopped drinking, then all the trauma from my childhood and ugly marriage came to the surface at once. I kept everything from the previous 36 ...

The opening line of Simon and Garfunkel's Sound of Silence comes to me often. Hello, darkness, my old friend ... This old song no doubt means many things to many people. And that opening line means something to me as well. It means, "Here we go again."  It's hard to fully express what it means to be prone to depression. Looking back on my four decades of life, I see a lot of prominent themes. But the thick vein of depression runs through it all. I don't know when it took hold, but it's been there as long as I can remember. It is an old friend of the worst kind.  I don't want to be depressed. I don't choose this. I don't want to waste endless days simply wishing I could climb out of whatever funk I'm in. All the people who have come and gone in my life I certainly can't blame for this. I'm depressed, no matter who is in my life. Sure, certain circumstances haven't helped. And alcohol just made the whole thing worse. How I...

The author with a full-blown case of the Blatz circa 1978. You can tell when you're talking to a real alcoholic because they'll identify themselves as one, even after going years without drinking. The mechanisms that make them an alcoholic were there before they started drinking, as well. I consider myself an alcoholic who doesn't drink. My father was an alcoholic. Well, he still is. But he stopped drinking many moons ago. It's been said that people use alcohol as an excuse to do and say what they want to do and say; it's okay because they were drunk or buzzed and didn't mean it. It's like kids saying mean things on the playground and then, "Just kidding," making it even worse because why are you crying when I was just kidding? It's a one-two punch. Well, my dad was a womanizer, too. Swore like I've heard no one else swear. In fact, I've never seen anyone get as angry as my father. I thought he was going to kill one of my ...