A prayer of thanks (8 years of sobriety)
Eight years ago I embarked on a new adventure. It was time to move. I was living in Ohio but learned my ex was pregnant (April 1, actually) while we were visiting my parents in Florida. I wanted to be the best dad I could be. For some reason, God took this heart desire and led me out of Ohio, leaving sinful practices behind.
One of those sins was alcoholism. It was in April eight years ago I quit drinking. I memorialize this fact every year because it was a miracle. Everything God does for us is a miracle, but this was quite a big one. I was mired in self-defeat and suicidal thoughts. I was literally trying to kill myself with drink, though I didn't even understand the reasons why. When I stopped drinking, it opened the door to further obedience, which opened more doors and brought about more miracles. In the years that followed, I became free in many more ways.
It shows you God takes what little we do, what little we give Him, and multiplies it. Give Him a little obedience and He'll do a lot with it. Give Him more and He'll do more! You may feel like you're letting go of a big piece of yourself, but you're really letting go of your chains. Let them go, and you'll find so much more peace and freedom than you thought imaginable. When I was mired in defeat, I never thought my life could someday be different. Eight years later, here I am, a very different person. I don't even recognize the man I used to be. God changed me. And He continues to do so.
I can't tell anyone to stop drinking. When the Lord lays it on your heart, that's enough. I also won't stop telling my testimony because that's part of what sets the captives free. No, I don't believe Christians should be drinking alcohol. I think part of their justification lies in how the Bible was translated, specifically the King James Version in 1611. When the Bible mentions wine, it often is talking about new wine or grape juice. So, when Jesus turned water into wine, that was grape juice. You didn't think the Lord would turn water into fermented yuckiness, did you? It was customary to have grape juice at weddings, but, in this case, the Lord turned the water into exceptionally good grape juice, which was remarked upon.
Another case may be when Paul tells Timothy to "drink a little wine" for his stomach's sake, which was an old remedy for an upset stomach (I feel Timothy had a nervous stomach like me). But, again, it's new wine. Not fermented. When the Bible mentions "strong drink," then we know it's talking about an alcoholic beverage. Otherwise, consult the original languages because it went either way with the word "wine," sometimes meaning alcoholic and sometimes not.
The Bible does speak about the evils of alcohol in a few places, some by example and some by outright calling it out. The Bible does not conflict itself, so please don't make the mistake of thinking alcohol is something God wants us partaking of. I have an alcoholic father (non-drinking but still has the characteristic traits) and an alcoholic brother. I'd like to see them set free, but only the Lord can do that. Some things that go along with alcoholism, though not always: anger, self-defeating behavior, lust, poverty, hurtful words, sluggard, devilish music, cheating, estrangement from family, myriad physical ailments, etc.
But, the Lord must convict if someone is drinking and having a problem with it. That's why I don't tell anyone to quit drinking. It was my medicine for things I couldn't deal with, and I was clearly having a problem, drinking myself to death. Just as I won't tell someone to give up any other medicines, I can't tell someone to stop drinking. If you're struggling with the rightness of it, though, pray and see what God says. Obviously, the guy who gave up drinking is going to steer you in that direction. Pray if you feel I’m being legalistic. You can do anything you want. You are a King’s kid. The Bible is clear. You can have any amount of heaven or hell in your life. As for me, I’m making my way toward blessings and away from curses, drink included.
What was a miracle about the whole thing is God took away my cravings. (Went to a couple shindigs recently and still have no cravings.) I don't know how I would have fared otherwise. (It's true I shifted my addiction a bit to sugar, which is so bad for me. It kills testosterone, for one thing.) I put my life into those around me in a greater way. I was there for my kid. I was the best dad I could be. Though things didn't go perfectly in those eight years, I'm in a much better place now. Thank you, Lord.
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The next post was slated to be the last. (Not my best, though it captures the hopeful spirit of this blog.) I really struggled with that decision and decided I would take a break instead.
I'll try to wrap up loose ends. Concerning Cindy, I knew I had to try. I know at the very least I will have no regrets. I did everything I could. I knew when she invited me to the event in February it could be my last Cindy experience. Does she see me as anything other than a friend? Certainly not at the moment. I can't tell the future, but I will always take what I can get with her. She was always so much more than any man could possibly want. Just being with her for an evening was a tremendous blessing. I’ll cherish that night for the rest of my life. She was all of Cindy, and she was perfect. Of course, she’s perfect any other day, too.
I have a lot to be thankful for, but I’ve found myself — as expected — very lonely. My prayer is for a friend. Having someone to talk to. God bless you if you pray that with me. (I’ve gone on for years without basic human needs like friendship and hugs.) I was quite sad to be ending the blog, as it is a surrogate friend, a listening ear, a therapist, and a lover. (I honestly believe my love language is being heard. No one at any point in my life ever said my words were valuable.) This blog garnered over 16,000 hits in a little more than 4 years, which averages out to about 10 hits per day. Not very many. I didn’t write for hits, clearly, or I was an abysmal failure. I was probably writing to errant visitors and bots. But the process of writing was helpful.
Right now I need to get healthy. I haven't been healthy for a while. God showed me I need to change some things in regard to my health. At one point, I looked up the reason why I drink so much but don’t pee much. Surprise, the internet didn’t disappoint. It’s either organ failure or I’m dehydrated. I’ll go with the latter. The rest of my problems should be just as easy to solve. Take care, everyone.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
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