Sketching Superman
The girl I loved chose to break things off with me nearly four years ago, for which I never blamed her. It was puzzling for a while, but eventually I worked through it. And she was right. She just wanted the best for herself and everyone else. We all want that. This post is an honest assessment of what happened and how I finally processed what occurred four years ago. My intention is to sketch the kind of man she chose — the man who chose her long ago.
Superman is a fictional character, but to that woman, the man she loves is a type of Superman. I settled on this, not only because it makes me look better because she chose him over me, but because it is the truth. I was blinded by my anger and had to let that go. It was a humbling process, but I believe that process is complete. So, let's do this, shall we?
This is a sketch because I never knew the man, just what she told me about him. I'm sure it's all very accurate, as she is a precise human being with an exceptional memory. This sketch exists because of what she told me. Does any of this matter anymore? I mean, we're talking about this four years after the fact. No, I suppose not. It's for my growth, and growth often involves painful retrospection as well as introspection. Just trying to rectify something I had no business mucking about in.
Truly, is he like Superman, this man? Sure. In the minds and hearts of those who love him, of course. And, even physically, he resembles Superman because he is handsome, tall, with a broad chest and muscular physique, evincing strength at all times. He is, in short, an alpha male, and is all the things that go along with that title. But beyond the physical, is he like Superman?
Superman had a code of ethics. His ethical principles were to do good and not to harm. This man works with wrong-way kids, getting them back on the right track, working hard toward goals and achieving them. (Maybe he's doing something different now, but I don't know. I'm sure his attitude is the same, regardless.) I think that checks the boxes for doing good. Did I mention he also saved someone's life and put his own life in danger to save them? He rescued someone out in a dangerous rip-tide event while on vacation, swimming out to rescue them in difficult conditions, and brought them back to shore. How many people do you know who've done something like that? We call those people heroes. Because they are. He's a hero.
Every Superman has his kryptonite, though. True to form, this Superman does, too. But do we remember Superman in his moments of weakness or his moments of full strength? The kryptonite moments are a mere subplot, and the plot always involves Superman doing his best, regardless of the kryptonite or anything else. Superman is a man with superhuman powers, which means he cannot be in more than one place at once or have all-knowing abilities. He's a man, after all, but a better version.
He loves and protects his children with extraordinary passion. They are his world. He beams with pride at their accomplishments. He is ever vigilant of their actions and always strives to help them grow and attain even greater heights. He's a true champion of not only his own children, but of others. In psychology, they say a person like that is in the generative stage of life, as their concern for the future is more important than their own lives. Consider that. That's impressive selflessness. He's a giving human being and is loved by many. I would contrast that with myself, but this post isn't about me. Suffice to say I don't measure up in any way. And that's okay.
The woman he loves divorced him, yet he hoped for reconciliation, even settling in just around the corner and saying they wouldn't be divorced forever. That's a heart of hope. That's love. And I know she hopes for the same outcome. He chased this woman and made her his all those years ago, before I even knew what I was doing. He was upstanding and moral in his dealings with her, while I was still deciding on which way was up. He beat me to the punch. I concede my failings and maybe now am getting close to finally doing what I should have done all those years ago. The better man got the girl. That's the way it should have been, and I'm sorry for insisting on a different outcome. I was motivated by greed and envy and who knows what else. I'm sorry to everyone.
Knowing all of this, is it any wonder she dislikes me and still cares so much for him? What I got in the way of was a beautiful thing, for which I am forever sorry. My only way of rectifying the past is doing good each day, so I will stay out of their way and pray and hope for the best. It's the least I can do. I wish them all the best and firmly believe God rewards those who work towards goals. I wish all of us the best, though I know and fear what that means for me. Sometimes, it's okay to be sad, like when you do the right thing. It makes you wonder if it's truly the right thing, but when there is no other option, what can you do? Suck it up. Put on your big-boy pants. Growth is sometimes painful and recognizing our failings can sometimes help us do better. That's the plan. Gotta have a plan, Joshua.
I prayed many times every day for years now God would heal all the wounds and make something better out of what was a bad situation. I blamed myself, so I was diligent to pray. For me, the war is over. I pray the same for them.
***
I hope everyone out there is doing okay. I'm still sick. I'll be okay, though. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it's not a freight train. :)
Also, I'm getting close to 500 posts. Also, 13,000 hits. Should we celebrate or roll our eyes? Both, perhaps. It's a whole lotta wah wah wah from this guy.
***
Thank you for reading, and God bless.
Comments
Post a Comment