my careless contagion

The girl I loved chose to break things off with me nearly four years ago, for which I never blamed her. It was puzzling for a while, but eventually I worked through it. And she was right. She just wanted the best for herself and everyone else. We all want that. This post is an honest assessment of what happened and how I finally processed what occurred four years ago. My intention is to sketch the kind of man she chose — the man who chose her long ago.  Superman is a fictional character, but to that woman, the man she loves is a type of Superman. I settled on this, not only because it makes me look better because she chose him over me, but because it is the truth. I was blinded by my anger and had to let that go. It was a humbling process, but I believe that process is complete. So, let's do this, shall we? This is a sketch because I never knew the man, just what she told me about him. I'm sure it's all very accurate, as she is a precise human being with an exceptional memo...

I'm so tired of being tired. I just want it all to end. If there's no Great Beginning and no Great Perhaps, then that's alright. I just need to lay down and not get up again. This is me walking away.  Nothing makes sense anymore; I've only tried to do what's best, what's right. I never said I was perfect. I'm sorry for my mistakes and missteps; if I could walk them back I would. I've led a pretty decent life, and it's okay to let it go. So, this is me letting go. When we broke, I broke too, and that's not like me. I don't break like this, not over a girl. But you're not just an ordinary girl. You're the girl I want. If I had done one good thing for you, maybe it would be okay. I couldn't help but ruin a beautiful thing. I couldn't help but ruin you. This is me saying I'm sorry. I'd take the pain from your eyes if I could. I'd take the pieces of your heart and mend them, even if it took me a thous...