My Cherie Amour (a long-awaited goodbye)
It's time, I suppose. It's time to say goodbye. Okay, it's way beyond time to say goodbye. But it's always hard to put down something you've lovingly adored for so long. So it is with the girl I loved so strongly.
I'm sorry I haven't written much lately. I am sick. Too much stress. Not enough rest. Depression. The weather. But I'll be fine (unfortunately, and if I die, I go home). Just not today.
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My cherie amour, distant as the milky way
My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine
I've been near you, but you never noticed me
My cherie amour, won't you tell me how could you ignore
That behind that little smile I wore
How I wish that you were mine
Maybe someday, I'll share your little distant cloud
Oh, cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine
I chose My Cherie Amour because it's a simple sentiment. She's lovely. She's also as distant as the Milky Way (which is an interesting thought because we are actually in the Milky Way Galaxy). Still, most of it is beyond us. She is a pretty little thing I adore. And, even now, the only one I want.
Someday these thoughts and feelings will fade, probably as my life force drains with age. I don't know why she didn't want to be with me. But she didn't. None of it matters anymore. I learned to respect that, even though I didn't understand or agree with it. I still don't get it. I thought we were pretty much perfect for each other (at least in some ways). It doesn't matter anymore. Move on. Say goodbye, Joshua. My only wish is she is okay and happy. But I will always walk around with that big question mark she left me with.
It's okay I feel conflicted: I wanted something to work out that did not, but I'm happy for her because she came to a conclusion that works for her and which makes her happy. I'm all for that, even though it means I'm left out. The kindest, most loving thing I can do is let her be, like she is a flower in a field and I am an admirer. For me, she was the prettiest flower.
It's a simple song. A simple sentiment. I don't want to drag out another goodbye. This whole blog was like a long goodbye, was it not? How many times have I whispered to her under my breath, "Goodbye"? She'll never know how many times, just as she'll never know how much I loved her (and probably always will). But, when someone makes it clear they are done, a goodbye is in order. Hey, it's only about four years late. No one ever said I was the quickest at anything. I'm just a guy who got to love a girl. Let's not make a big deal out of it. It only changed me in many ways, and forever. But it's over. She walked away. Say goodbye, Joshua. And then you walk away, too. Promise me you'll walk away?
Okay. Goodbye, sweet girl. Like a whirlwind, you tore through my heart, rearranging me in the process. I thank you for the conversations we had, the moments you allowed me to look upon your pretty little heart, and the kind and gentle way you let me down. You are a good person (and much better than anyone needs to be), a beautiful soul, and will always be one of my favorite people. I wish you all the happiness your heart can hold — and more. Always more.
Thank you for reading, and God bless.
My new blog, None Dare Call It Treason.
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