Birthdays

Want to know what is strange? I'm 42 years old, yet I have nearly no memories of my birthdays, though I recall my last two birthdays. The one before last year I took a test and didn't celebrate my birthday. My dad sent me some Omaha Steaks, which was pretty nice. I was living outside of Rapid City at the time. Last year I ordered a pizza and shared it with my son in the park. He likes pineapple on his pizza, so say what you need to say about that. We played on the locomotive, which is the remnant of an old railroad museum, at the park afterward. There was no party, but having my son with me was special. That's all that mattered. My favorite girl emailed a birthday wish, so that made my day. She didn't have to do that. Unexpected things mean a lot.

What I don't like about birthdays is you get your hopes up and think, erroneously, that it is a special day. Think of it like any other day and you won't be disappointed. Nothing out of the ordinary or spectacular will happen. Then you'll be fine! I've long since given up on birthdays. Celebrating holidays and birthdays is for kids anyway. I don't like drawing attention to myself, so it's fine. And there is no point in trying to change the past. It is a point of acceptance now (just the same as everything else I can't change). I want to celebrate other people and make sure they have great memories and feel special. Life should be about other people. That is the most important thing.

The photos above show what looks like my seventh and eighth birthdays. Rice Krispie treats in lieu of birthday cake. I love Rice Krispie treats (probably because of the butter), by the way, so that makes me happy. I'm glad I got to chow down on that. And those are candles that don't go out easily when you blow on them, which is why my brothers are grinning in the background. Again, the house is a mess.

I do recall one birthday when I was a kid (maybe my last in South Dakota, my 10th?). It was during the week and we were out the door until late at night going to my brothers' games out of town or something. I don't recall ever celebrating my birthday, though I did get some cards from classmates or teachers or something. It's true we remember the big events and not the everyday events of life. Good memories fade while the bad ones often stick out. Unusual stuff grabs our attention and holds it longer, allowing it to enter our long-term memory store. So maybe I'm misremembering things. Still, I don't recall birthdays being a big deal in our house. But there are pictures, so there must have been celebrations. Some people even celebrate their dog's birthday (how do you even know their birthday?), so I realize birthdays are a big deal for some people. For me, they never were. It was nice when someone went out of their way to make me feel special on my birthday. Today, I wouldn't know what to do if someone did that.

I think I have a memory block on much of my life. Large chunks of my existence don't seem to exist. Considering I've lived a strange and interesting life, I should have more memories. It's odd when people remind you of things of which you have no recollection. Perhaps I'm senile. Or maybe it's better to not remember and keep looking forward. Regardless, I have no choice but to look ahead and hope against all hope for better days, though I think Rice Krispie treats on my birthday pretty much nailed it. Not much is better than that. And I earned it after blowing out those damn candles. 

Thank you for reading, and God bless.