If I never have you



Horrified
with a start, I woke
it was so early in the morning
but I was wide awake

You were running through my dreams again
and I had no defense
but this time was different
a voice made me sit up in bed

It was that precise moment
when everything coalesced
when it all made sense
when I was left with no more questions

That voice told me
I would always love you
no way around it
no end in sight

I wish I could stop
it would make this easier
it would make not having you
not nearly as bad

But I love you
hopelessly, dreadfully
stupidly, more powerfully
than any love I've known

It seems so cruel
to love someone so much
and they are so far away
always out of reach

My words drop to the floor
nowhere to go
my thoughts run out the door to you
but always return

I'm happy, though
because I know I love you
and I always will
no one compares

No one can take my love away
not even me, it seems
so come what may
no one else has a say

I've bathed in her affection
I've shriveled in its absence
I've tried to shake this thing
but it comes back stronger,
meaner, more robust
with every attempt to murder it
it comes back to life
bigger, more beautiful
more perfect, more content

If I never have you
it will have to be enough
to love you from a distance
to love you this way.



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