Bottle rockets

*When Face to Face released "Ignorance is Bliss" in 1999, they bundled it with a little album called "So Why Aren't You Happy?", and these two albums had a polarizing effect on their audience that effectively killed the band. As Trevor Keith, the singer of the band, explained, without recording the albums, they would have broken up anyway, simply because they had to be made. For a band that was known more for being fun, this album shocked their audience. And, I have to say, it was a completely ballsy move. These albums are the saddest things I've ever heard on a CD. It shocked me when I first heard them, but I fell in love with them because they were so honest.

As for being honest, when I listen to this song, all I can hear is what I saw coming all those years – the dissolution of my relationship. This dynamic played out year after year until I couldn't do it anymore. As I sit alone in my tiny apartment, I realize that I'm not the monster I thought I was for wanting a divorce. Relationships shouldn't be so hard; they shouldn't extract from you so much and give you so little in return. I know I made the only decision I could make, unfortunately, because I had painted myself into that corner for so many years. For me, the one walking away, I had been walked out on so many times that I forgot what it was like to have someone who wanted to stay. So for me to walk away, it became the big betrayal. How could I do that? I had turned that water into wine for so long, why couldn't I keep doing it?

This song captures the dynamic of my relationship. The more time I have alone to think, the more I reach the same conclusions. It's hard when you go through something so brutal like a divorce. Sometimes you second-guess yourself right out of the building. As much as I prayed and ruminated, and now continue to pray and ruminate some more, I know I made the right decision. But it's the most painful decision of my life, nonetheless. If I could have kept turning that water into wine, I would have.*

Thought that I'd be strong enough for both of us
And you had given up
Is there anybody strong enough for you
She said she's scared of waking up
She's realized it's all been a mistake
She didn't have to be afraid

But you walked out on me
It doesn't really matter what you said
Cuz I've tried
To turn this water into wine

It doesn't have to be so hard to understand
The things that we should do
I know I made it difficult for you
She said I couldn't give enough
To make her feel the way she wanted to
This doesn't have to be so hard

But you walked out on me
It doesn't really matter what you said
And I tried
To turn this water into wine

It takes time
It's not that way
There are several different answers here
But you just walked away