Graduation

Graduation: a beginning and an end. But mostly a beginning because even the word commencement means more than just a ceremony; it means a beginning. The above photo was taken shortly after my high school graduation in 1996 (which looked a lot different from graduation this year, I must say). I'm on the right. The other two are Jeff and Michelle. The photo was taken for a short news story of importance because we had all come from Hot Springs and ended up in Broken Bow. We knew each other from one town and somehow all made our way to a different town in a different state, eventually graduating together. While Michelle is still my friend today (she's moving back to Nebraska soon), Jeff has gone under the radar and I'm not sure how to contact him. His father died a few years ago (right after his dad retired, I heard). His dad coached both my brothers. I recall him on school grounds before they moved with Jeff's younger brother. I instantly recognized him and wondered what he was doing there, only to find out later he was hired to teach and coach at Broken Bow. So, all three of us boys had him teach us things. Life is strange.

I include the photo of my brother Jason's graduation because I'm holding a rose in my teeth, as I'm sure I saw in some movie or something. Below, my brother Jon is doing the same pose at my graduation party, which I find humorous. Also, I'm being a dork at both parties. Some things never change.

Graduation, as I recall, was anticlimactic. We had been out of school for quite a while, went back for the commencement, and then went back to our lives. I remember driving away feeling something had happened but was really anxious to start my life. I was thinking way beyond high school. No more baby steps. I was ready to run. I've seen nearly none of those people from my graduating class since graduation. My parents and I moved away in 1997 and then I moved again later that year even farther away. I figured I'd never see most of them again, and that was fine. However, I did continue to miss one of them in particular, and quite a bit so. If I had had the emotional intelligence I have now, I would have quickly realized what I felt was the beginning stages of love. That girl I missed was Cindy, and that "missing her" feeling grew. We had one date in college (and hung out a few times to no effect), though we went to different colleges. She chose someone else over me (or let him choose her, whichever the case may be), and my chance was forever lost.

That girl, though she is not a part of my life, made a tremendous impact on me then and even now. She's on stage at far right in the above photo. Yes, that's the Cindy I love, only 24 years ago (I was hoping to post a photo of us together to end this blog, but I'll take what I can get). My friend Geoff is at the podium (a fun fact about Geoff is he sleepwalks, and I have a funny story about that). 

Some moments you can't get back, though you try. You make decisions on the fly. You do the best you can. I lost my chance with a very special girl many years ago, but that's not all. I lived a life that was probably much less than what it could have been. I have felt the lack of her my entire life (and likely will the rest of my life), though I don't think she has felt the lack of me. Nothing I can do about that now. But all is not lost. God saved what was destined to crash and burn (my dumpster-fire life). That is my grand takeaway from this entire retrospective. Thank God for his grace and mercy and for every day a new beginning. While I may have strayed from God during a critical time in my life when I was young, I will never stray again. Who is to say today isn't critical, too? 

Thank you for reading, and God bless.