In praise of women (wherein I list some favorites)

This post is strictly fun. I hope no one gets bent out of shape or considers me a monster because I appreciate females (even though they may be young, I'm not a predator, I swear). This post is about appreciation, not lust. Didn't you know all Joshes are nice guys? I am a single (wait — self-partnered) man with ordinary heterosexual desires and no romantic entanglements. This isn't about sex. There's nothing wrong with sex or enjoying sex. God clearly created it to be enjoyed (and if you're not enjoying it, you're doing it wrong). But that's not where this is headed. I can't espouse the same morals as these women, as I don't know what they all believe, nor can I say I agree with any or all of their projects. Okay, I admit this is pretty superficial. Except for one woman I mention. Yes, I'm still hung up on her.

Nothing, perhaps, in history has been mythologized as much as the female form. Or the female essence. Of God's creation, I cannot think of anything that has inspired more art, literature, music, etc., as women. As a followup to Adam, Eve, clearly, has outshone him. Beyond women's sexuality — which has been exploited beyond measure — there is still so much to know. And so much mystery. Every woman is different, unique, and perfect in her own way. 

Men (and, too often, women) get hung up on a woman's appearance. They miss so much by doing so. They're more than lips and eyes and skin or skirts and blouses. They are possibly the most capable of God's creation. They can do nearly anything a man can do plus many things men cannot even fathom. They give birth and rear children while doing all of those things. And look good while doing it.

Natalia Dyer
I first saw Natalia on Netflix's Stranger Things, which I believe was renewed for a fourth season. My favorite seasons are the first two. The last one didn't do Natalia justice, and they killed Jim Hopper (though I have my theories on how he's still alive). Shows lose fans when you kill beloved characters, guys. Stop that shit. Anyway, Natalia is great because she reminds me of a woman. Okay, she reminds me of the girl I'm in love with. Or, I should say, her character in seasons 1 and 2 reminded me of the girl I'm in love with. Whew. Yes, she does share some physical traits with Cindy, but it was her mannerisms that reminded me of her. She was my fill-in after Cindy told me she couldn't be with me. But, Natalia is a force of her own. She's great. She's probably known more for her fashion statements now than for her parts in shows and movies. She is a very good actress, I should mention, and I think she's highly underrated. I may also be in love with her off-screen romance with fellow Stranger Things actor Charlie Heaton, which is weird. I just like seeing people happy and successful. It's beautiful. Stay that way, kids. And, if you don't, Imma kidnap Natalia for myself. Word to the wise.

Emma Watson
One thing about Emma is she retains an air of innocent childhood. That quality is very attractive, and I think it can be found in some of these other ladies as well. She is no longer a girl. I've seen her do some difficult roles such as in Colonia, which is a true story. What all these girls have is some vague reminder of a woman, and I think my readers can guess which woman I'm talking about. Maybe I'm imagining those small things that I see in them, but, nonetheless, it says something when you see the girl you love in someone else.

I'm sure she's missing her kids here. She looks sad. Or maybe she forgot her keys. I hate keys.

Kristin Cavallari 
It actually started with a book — a cookbook (True Roots). Yes, I remember watching her on one of those MTV shows a long time ago. But she held no appeal then. It was only when I saw what kind of woman she became that I saw her appeal. She's so many things — too many to list — it kinda blew my mind. And, leafing through her cookbook, I grew jealous of Jay Cutler, her husband, and not just because she's attractive. She is an entrepreneur, looks like she's a great mom, believes in real food and even has a hobby farm, supports her husband yet holds him accountable, and still finds time to take some great pictures. In fact, I think all of these girls on this page (not sure about the last one) find time to get their pictures taken. Sadly, I stopped following Kristin on Instagram because, how should I say it, she dabbles in clothing scarcity. I think she's fabulous and attractive no matter what, and it's a matter of taste and my own opinion, but I like her better with all her clothes on. She's not my wife. I don't get to undress her.

Elle Fanning
I don't know. Sometimes her face is ultra-feminine. Sometimes she's boyish. With her hair up, it completely changes the proportions of her face. She's not even my type, but I have to admit, she's pretty. I've seen her in a few movies (she was very good, though a bit forceful, in Mary Shelley, another true story) and she's a capable actress, as well as an exceptional model. She's got to be the whitest white girl I've ever seen. Take that however you'd like. It's just an observation. I think my fascination with her is the result of trying to figure out what I'm looking at, as she seems incredibly versatile. 

Kat McNamara
Yeah, I don't remember which awful show or movie I first saw Kat in, however, she may be my favorite redhead. I have a thing for freckles. And big eyes. And all that. But it's her smile I enjoy the most. Maybe I have a thing for girls with big teeth. Or just girls with teeth. Or just pretty girls. Clearly, she is all of those things. Haha. I don't know what else to say about her.

Lily Collins 
She is classically beautiful. Perhaps her mom is a real looker because I've never thought of her father (Phil Collins, who was the most successful musician of all time, at least at one point) as a good-looking man. I've liked her as an actress in many movies. I have watched some bad ones just to watch her. She just has the sweetest smile, and her eyes always seem to be smiling as well.

Cynthia
This entry is a little bit different. I wanted to include a picture of Cindy here (as I have the rest). But I don't have permission to do that, nor do I think a picture of her could possibly sum up my appreciation of all her beautiful parts. (Nor do I feel I have permission to continue writing about her, either, but I digress.) Yes, I think she's beautiful on the outside, but also on the inside. No human being has increased my faith in humanity more than her. No human being has impressed me in all facets as much as her. No human being has consistently gone beyond what I knew as good and lovely.

None of these women belong to me. Still, I can stand back and appreciate them from afar. There is only one woman I want. My whole life, I've wanted only one woman — one woman who belongs to me. It seems like a simple desire, yet it has been incredibly hard to find. Now that I've entered the downward side of life, it looks like that dream has slipped away, like so many others. Still, my appreciation for her remains, and it is an appreciation that encompasses more than her green eyes, her curly hair, her wholesome yet sexy smile, her way of walking (I've never seen another woman walk like her, perhaps because I've never scrutinized any woman as much as her), her long legs, and hips that beg to be grabbed and pressed to mine. She is a walking, talking, big, beating, beautiful heart. God made her with a heart so extraordinary, it's incomparable. A heart like that needs a tireless protector. A woman like that needs a man just as strong as she is vulnerable.

Of all the women in the world, I can appreciate some. But, I'm afraid, I appreciate them because they exhibit some remnant reminder of one girl — the girl who got away. She is all those things. She is perpetually young and simultaneously naive and womanly, endlessly fascinating and beautiful, a treasure beyond all treasures. In all of God's creation, I have not found a woman as precious and perfect as her, nor have I known a woman more in need of protection and care. Her vulnerabilities, ironically, also make her incredibly strong too. The way her mind and her heart work could fascinate me for the rest of my life. She's made of something that, perhaps, dropped out of the sky. And she could have been mine all those years ago, had not some evil interfered. It's true, I was getting there. I told her I wanted to marry her, but it was too late. And it is even later now. My words return to me unapproved. They drop to the ground like all the others. And now, they cannot leave my lips. 

I've never known a woman more unattainable than Cindy. I truly shot for the stars when I sought to be with her. I saw myself as some sort of love astronaut. Haha. That gave me a silly mental image. But she is beyond me. Always has been. Always will be. To simply be in her presence and soak in her aura is unattainable. Yes, maybe I put her on a pedestal. But she deserves that, certainly, after being a doormat for so long. I only wanted to rectify what I saw as wrong. I only wanted to lift her up where she belongs. I only wanted to have her know how truly special she is. I hope, on some level, I did those things. At least now she knows her proper place. At least now she knows what should have been.

There is nothing more I can say about the girl I love. I've said it all so many times and in different ways. My words have gone out like Noah's doves and returned to me, as they found no place to light. But I still believe someday they will find a home.

Yes, I can appreciate many women, but it a hollow appreciation. My heart wants one woman, even though my head tells me it is impossible. Some will say it's sad to dwell on what could have been or what should have been, but I'm grateful for what we had. I don't ever want to forget that, even if the only reminders I have are latent sparks in some girl's eye. What's gone is gone. I know that. But my heart always returns me to the places we walked and the things we said. Maybe I'm living in the past. But that's where I saw her last. She's what I want, so that's where I want to be.