You beautiful thing



It was a privilege to have my heart broken by you, you beautiful thing. You let me believe things I never thought possible. I saw for a moment what it would be like to be loved by a woman like you, and I was forever changed. I cannot go back to my old self. I cannot but be forever grateful. You may have left me for good, but you've left me with such a wonderful, priceless, and perfect gift — the gift of hope. 

The man I am today is the not the same man I was two years ago. The way you went through me was unprecedented and pure and complete. You rearranged me forever. Some may think this a bad thing, but I do not. Bad things happened, I know, but bad things always happen. Rarely do such good things happen, and almost never to me.

I know we're done. I know we're over. But you still linger like a nuclear bomb. You will half-life away long after I'm dead. When I believed you could be mine, it changed something fundamental in me. When you left me, I rearranged again. Letting you go nearly destroyed me. Watching you drive away the last time buried something in me. I tried to keep believing, but you were gone and we were dead. 

Every morning when I wake, I know I've seen you in my dreams. I can feel you near, and I plow through my day only to get back to bed and to you, just to feel you a little bit closer. My mind knows you've slipped away forever, but my heart still aches for and reaches out to you. My stupid heart knows you will be mine someday. I have a hard time breaking it to him you will not. It's okay if he believes the unbelievable right now. I feel like this hope is the only thing keeping me alive, and if that is true, then I cannot allow him to know the truth. He can believe it for the rest of his days if it means he'll be content enough to stay alive. 

When you told me you wouldn't give me another chance, I didn't let him read those words. I kept that from him, for I know what that news would mean to him. He would hurt for a while, but he would bluster back again full of hope and gratitude. It wouldn't make any difference at all. 

I hold the memories of you close as I enter the next phase of my life. I need what you gave me now more than ever. The memories will dim, but they will never dim enough that they disappear. You may feel bad about how we ended, but I don't want you to feel bad at all. It was worth it to have you for a moment. Thank you for what you gave me, and thank you for the rest of time, for I am forever changed because of you. Thank you, you beautiful thing.

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