Changes (2Pac)
Once upon a time, I used to listen to quite a bit of urban music like rap. I was young once and my music was bumpin. 2Pac was one of those artists. I was quite upset when I heard he was murdered and even more upset by the average man's explanation of thug life, thug death. Man, how cold are you? Anyway, this song speaks about a life I don't really recognize, though we all have struggles. I can't say how much of it is art and how much is biographical. Only the artist knows.
I agree with the sentiment that something needs to change. Comparing this song to where we are now and when it came out, I'd say we went in the wrong direction. We've let those in charge of the world divide us even further. It's a shame. And why do we insist on calling those with differing melanin levels a different race? We're all one race. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Watch the words they make us use. Yes, there are cultural differences, I realize. But, the same God created all of us.
This song samples heavily from Bruce Hornsby's (The Range) The Way It Is, which was released in 1986. It lends a classy, esoteric quality to the song. And it gave the song instant familiarity. If you want to feel really weird, consider 2Pac's Changes came out in 1992, only six years after Hornsby's The Way It Is. And it's been more than 30 years since Changes was released. Whew. Do you feel old yet? I do. Added to this is the fact that my son started calling me "Bro Dad." He begins many sentences with "bro," so it was a natural progression to call me Bro Dad.
This song has a lot of lyrics. If you feel the need, look them up. I love 2Pac's voice. It has a timber that resonates. Sad he wasn't more prolific, but my guess is his music became more popular after he was killed in September of 1996.
I feel a lot of aggression in modern music. We all have some aggression, but some (men, especially) have a lot more. If a man has anger issues, I look for father issues. They're mad about something they can't change, and it usually goes back to either a nonexistent dad or piss-poor dad. It took me years to forgive my father wound, and sometimes I still struggle. I'm reading a book called Does Your Tongue Need Healing? by Derek Prince, and feel my tongue does indeed need healing, especially when I talk to myself. Derek points out that, when the Israelites were set to go into the land and the 12 spies came back, God let their words determine their future. Those who attested to God's providence and ability to bring them into the land actually got to enter. Those who insisted it was impossible died in the wilderness. That's the power of our tongue. What a way to show what comes out of our mouths becomes our future. It's also interesting that in more than one instance when God was talking with a prophet, the prophet lamented he had unclean lips and came from a people of unclean lips, which God remedied. When we come face to face with God, one of the first things we feel is our speech is impure. I've been praying about how to move forward with God, and it's interesting God has brought me to place where I need to deal with my speech.
About my last post. The girl I love read it and thought I was going to break things off with her. I held her in my arms as she cried and I can't tell you what that did to me. The fact that I did that to her. I couldn't believe she could believe something so fundamental such as how I feel about her and my intentions to marry her someday could be so easily forgotten. I reread what I wrote and see what she was talking about, with the addition text messages that further confounded the subject. For that, I apologize to her. I want nothing more than to have more of her in my life, not less. I believe God will bless us being together, we will marry someday, and we will carry on with whatever battles He gives us. I've never been so sure. Of course, if she didn't feel the same way, I wanted her to have an easy out, which is why I said I wouldn't fight her over needing to walk away, if she felt that way.
It was a blunder that needed correction. I didn't realize she still read here; thought she stopped more than a year ago. She said the blog helps her understand my thoughts without having to have a conversation about things, but that's a good reason to end the blog, if you ask me. I would rather have a conversation than write here. Plus, this blog is a hellscape of intrusive thoughts. I wouldn't trust it as much as a private conversation with the person I love. For some reason, she always gets the truth out of me. But, this incident highlights the fact that our communication is terrible because I thought she was going to break things off with me and she thought the same of me, when neither of us, as far as I can tell, thought any such thing. I want to move forward. Full speed ahead. But why does she so easily believe something so out of character of me? I mean, I've been chasing her for years and enjoyed seeing her the last 10 months. Why does she choose to believe the most negative thoughts in her head? We have significant challenges, but they are not insurmountable. One challenge is time. We don't get enough time together. I can't ask her to come to my church's potluck anymore because she's busy during that time, and she didn't feel it was proper anyway, as she didn't attend church there (goes to a different church). Her oldest child is set to leave for college next year, but I imagine Cindy will want to see her as much as possible, which means traveling on the weekends, which is about the only time we see one another. I want to see her as much as possible but recognize she also needs rest, as she is a very busy person and her cortisol levels are probably astronomical. Also, I realize she needs to feel safe to move forward, but some of the boundaries are not helping us. And our communication is good when it's there, but when it's not, it causes some problems, as I pointed out. We just need to find a way forward that works for both of us. I asked God about her, and He asked me what I saw. I saw a woman who wasn't completely comfortable with moving forward, but, rather, a woman who was trying hard to protect herself. Will she relax and enjoy the journey? I hope so.
About her ex-husband. I had many menacing dreams with him at the center, and one night I woke and asked God what I'm supposed to see. I felt in my spirit some object was allowing that to happen. I prayed about it and talked with the girl some time later about the ring she still had from that marriage. I read years ago about personal objects such as rings being a nexus of sorts for spiritual bondage or attack. It's a significant object, not just a pair of boxers or something. And it was given during a ritual and implies ownership of a sort. A ring is an unending circle. It has no beginning and no end. Anyway, you get my drift. Well, she decided to sell it. The day she sold it, I was sitting in the bathtub praying and felt in my spirit it was the day she was going to sell it. Twenty to 30 minutes later, she told me she got rid of it. She told me later that about the time I got that feeling in my spirit was when it happened. It may just be a coincidence, but I don't normally feel things like that. Anyway, she said later she felt no different since getting rid of it. I don't think I said she would feel different, but I may have. If so, I misspoke. Spiritual matters aren't always felt. In any case, I felt it. Maybe it wasn't for her. Maybe it was for me. Or maybe it was just a wild hair I had. Doubtful but possible. Time will tell. Just as some people, when they come to the Lord, feel a great joy in their soul and some feel absolutely nothing, we're all different when it comes to spiritual matters. But the proof should be evident at some future point.
I want to highlight something I felt the Lord spoke to me about the girl I love. It's how I see her. I've been asking for God to correct any ungodliness in how I perceive her. He pointed out she is like a lamb. My job will be to protect, feed, water, love and, in general, care for her. My job is not to beat her. Or fleece her (or take only what I want). The word that comes to mind is gentleness, but also a firmness. I can look at her as a beautiful woman and desire her on a very carnal level (it's true I've never been so attracted to a woman on so many levels, including physically), or I can choose to see her as that lamb. Dear readers, she is my lamb. I would love to do nothing more than care for her the rest of my days. If God blesses me with that task.
***
My health has been slipping ever since the shower fall almost two years ago. Not sure what happened, but I felt at the time it was a spiritual attack that was manifested in the physical. I was fasting and praying that week for a breakthrough and almost lost my life. Something did not want me to progress. And there was a mighty wind storm that night that seemed spiritual in nature. If we could only see what was going on ... anyway, we don't get to see into the spiritual for a reason. It would probably scare us to death.
I sincerely hope this blog is useful for someone someday. It recently surpassed 20,000 hits, which is a milestone I never thought I'd see.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
Comments
Post a Comment