Hooked On A Feeling (B.J. Thomas)
Haha, oh man. This one is loaded. I'm pregnant with thoughts as I sit here. This one is from the vault. B.J. Thomas' Hooked On A Feeling came out in 1968, but it lingered on radio for decades. It is another simple song that has a lot going on. This is a song from my childhood that still echoes in my mind. It's a good one, and let's look at why.
Let's get this out of the way. The television treatment of this song is laughable. You could put up a blue background, some lighted Os and a ladder as props and background, and then overlay the video shots ... and ta da! It was probably high tech back then, but now it makes us cringe. And B.J. looks incredibly polished. His image after this is decidedly hippyish. He died in 2021, sadly. Another great song from B.J. is Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head, which we won't discuss today because today we're doing a happy song. He's got some really good songs, which he shared with all of us.
What struck me about the lyrics is the insistence of keeping a good thing going. Of keeping someone in his life. Making that thing a priority. It made me realize we weren't always like we are now. We weren't always scattered and alone and lonely, with all this trouble finding and keeping relationships. We used to make it a priority. Relationships matter! We forgot that. Or we never figured out how to make them work. And maybe it's just me talking, but I believe we are designed to live in groups, tribes, whatever. We are not supposed to be alone. We need each other. We function better together, though there will always be problems and, for me, a need to be alone at times.
When I heard this song a million times when I was a kid, I probably didn't realize what he was talking about in some of the lyrics, and that's good. Songs these days come right out and say stuff. Back then, it was inferred or vaguely referenced. We all know he's talking about sex or some physicality in one part. And that's what makes the world go around. Sex turns society, whether we like it or not. Sex is a very necessary part of being a human, and we either 1) treat it poorly or 2) think it's dirty and suspect, and neither are correct. It's a beautiful thing, but it needs protection in the correct parameters, which is monogamy in marriage. There it blossoms. There it buttresses. There it protects. There it heals. There it has meaning. There it is truly appreciated. There it is powerful. That's one lesson we didn't learn over the years. Kids need to know sex is not a recreational thing. It's deeply connected to the fountain of our hearts, which we are to protect. Why are so many people unhappy these days? One reason is the wrong notion about sex. Go, have sex. But have it with your one person. It's like we decided to give up on something because of the negative consequences, not realizing how we used it was wrong. There is nothing wrong with sex. We just used it in a bad way. Now we're all sad. It's okay, we just need to get back out there, but in the right way. It's like after my divorce, I had an incredible slump and didn't want anything to do with anyone. Natural but an over-reaction. There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship and loving someone again. But at the time it seemed impossible.
There are a lot of lessons to be learned from divorce. If we don't learn and teach those lessons to those in our lives, it's just a whole lot of ugly. I think of my grandmother and her second marriage and how horrible it was. Yes, her husband eventually accepted the Lord, and that's a wonderful ending to something horrible, but there is another lesson we can all learn: don't marry an unbeliever. My mom did the same. I married a believer but she wasn't one when we met, and she had no training in how to behave in a relationship, marriage or not. Those are all lessons. Those are things we can pass on to our children, if we have them. We can use our mistakes to guide them. We can say, "Don't do as I did." Don't do as many do. Here's what to look out for. Here are the red flags. Here is what to look for. Stay close to God through the courtship process and make the right decisions. Don't have premarital sex. Go forward prayerfully. Examine someone's soul and heart before making the leap to be with them. Will they treat you well? Pray and seek God's guidance. All lessons. It's a way to make something good come out of something bad. But I digress.
The vocals drive this song. They're embedded in my DNA, at this point. It's amazing how we take ownership of certain bits of popular culture. Like, yeah, that's mine. You can keep your Doja Cat or whatever. I'm high on believin' you're in love with me. And that's another thing. The profoundness of what he says there. It's like he knows she's not in love with him, but he chooses to believe it anyway. Here they are having a good time and enjoying one another physically, so it would be natural to believe she's in love with him, but we all know it's not that simple. What he really wants is her to be in love with him, which he doesn't know for sure, for some reason. That, frankly, is a bit sad, because that's all any of us want. We all just want love, however it comes packaged.
Songs are important. They are in the ether we all share. They reinforce beliefs. They change minds. They stick with us through our lives. I'm worried what songs today are teaching us. What we feed on becomes us. That says a lot about the world right now.
***
Just to head some things off. I can't say what I write here pertains to my own situation. Please understand I'm just writing about songs. I will write what I know, which isn't much. Mostly, it's hard to say because it's up in the air. I really don't know what's going on but thank God for what we have. I can't figure her out. I think part of her reluctance comes from making comparisons to what she had in the past, and that scares her. I believe she knows we won't carry on like that, that this is fundamentally different, but it's like she's a deer in the headlights. She's stuck, and I don't know how to unstick her. I don't know if she has feelings for me. It seems something else is driving her. (She doesn't seem to be attracted to me or enjoy my sense of humor, but she does see good qualities in me, which is probably better because those other things change. I also don't get the sense she feels she can say anything around me, though I told her she is completely free to be as she is. Perhaps, the fact I relate things on this blog doesn't help.) We don't get to see much of one another, typically. And we barely talk or text. I am thankful for what we have, don't get me wrong. She is putting in a ton of effort. None of us know how hard she's trying to move forward. She isn't the type to jump into things. She has to have some questions answered, which I understand. She may need to close her eyes and jump. We all know I will catch her every time. She can just close her eyes and kiss me, and relax in my arms. I know she is safe. I know she's going to be greatly aided by being in a relationship with me. But, you see, she doesn't know that. I couldn't force a relationship. It's not me and it's not how I operate. I chose to wait to see if she would see it for herself, as that felt the most respectful and gentle. I absolutely respected how she needed to try to move forward with me, and I let her do as she needed. I felt that was the best approach, at the time, but now I think we may have been too careful. We have what we need to move our relationship forward. But, our conversations of late informed me she was more insecure than I ever knew. She is full of fear, and I don't know how to help. I thought she would see me as a safe place, but she doesn't seem to feel safe with me. I let her down, and I don't know how to fix that. Only God can grant what she needs to move forward. I believe we will get there, but the process may be unfamiliar and may seem scary to us both. Having said that, we have made a lot of progress overall, though there were some areas of regression. Overall, it's been a win moving forward with a relationship and it played out much as I expected. We've been successful for the most part. We'll get there, I believe.
***
In the aftermath of divorce, I should have moved forward quickly after a period of time for healing. Instead, I got bogged down in introspection and defeat. Much of the reason my health slipped so badly was I had no love coming into my life. Literally starved. Like most men, I feel love through touch, which was nonexistent. The result was extreme loneliness, which is caused negative consequences, including health issues. I need to deal with loneliness in better ways. Realize I may not write here as much in the future because 1) I need to get healthy and 2) I feel the need to find a different way to make money, as my job is quickly resembling the Star Wars scene in the trash compactor because the walls are closing in. Clearly, I need to spend time working on current problems. Recently, I started listening to lo-fi music on Spotify and thumbing through Tumblr, which is something I did to occupy my time post-divorce. That, my friends, is not a good sign. That's not progress. I need to find something else to do. I need a multi-pronged plan of attack for moving forward. Onward.
This blog has nearly 30,000 hits. Never thought I would see that. Thank you, whoever stopped here and spent time with my words. This blog was designed to chronicle the journey from divorce to a new life, which it did. It wasn't the story I intended to write, but it is a faithful depiction of that process. I didn't think I'd still be alone six years later, but I am in a better place with God, and that's what matters.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
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