Brighter Days

The song says I know there will be brighter days. It's a good sentiment for those who aren't experiencing those brighter days at the moment. The reason I post this is I drive around all day in my truck (this song seems to get played a lot, too, and I certainly drive circles around this town), and sometimes it gets a little lonely. I do my job. Sometimes I have to call people. Knock on doors. Get chased by dogs. But, mostly, I'm by myself. I pray. Pray in tongues. Talk to God. I still feel lonely. So, I turn on the radio and drive around, which is something I used to do when I was younger. It was better than being in the house. This song is on quite a bit. I think a lot of people are experiencing a downturn right now, so this song hits the mark. 

What does it have to do with me, though? In Matthew there is a verse that says blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. This is a biblical precept, especially when we ask God into our lives. It is a promise. I claimed that promise long ago. I mourned. I received comfort. We go through bad things so we can comfort others. I haven't been through every storm possible (thank God), but I've been through enough that I know God often uses these things for our good (if we love God and are called according to His purpose). I can, in turn, comfort others who are going through rough times. I can even, perhaps, turn them toward God, who is my comfort. And, if things really aren’t working out for them, perhaps they should give their lives to God. He will do more with it than they ever will. I gave God every day I have left. It won’t change the past, but it will keep me on the right track. 

Some crises I haven't been through. I haven't lost a close loved one. I've been through divorce, which is a type of death. I've seen the death of many things — good and bad — but never have I buried someone close. I don't know what that's like. But grief is universal, no matter what the loss is. I try to be as kind to people as I can because I don't always know what they're going through. 

I survived an abusive childhood (physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, and sexually abused). I nearly didn't. It almost destroyed me because I didn't even realize it was killing me. It was the source of so much unnamed pain, but I didn't realize what it was doing to me until decades later. I recall reading the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower and the Lord spoke to me and said, "That's you, son. And I want you to give that pain to me and let me heal you. It's time." I did those things. I had to let go of a lot. I had to intensively forgive and still do. Just as Job wasn't able to regain his blessings (multiplied times two!) before he prayed for those who wronged him in his grief (his wicked counselor "friends"), I couldn't progress until I forgave. Forgiveness is the key. It's the way out of the labyrinth of suffering. My marriage, marked by disrespect and infidelity, was destructive to my soul; my divorce was, also. My childhood haunted me. All of that stopped once I made forgiveness and peace my mission. It was like the Lord said, "You're done mourning. Those chapters are closed. It's time to move forward." And then a new life began. (This happened around my birthday last year when I almost died.) Ever since then I feel like I'm newly released from prison after many years in a cage. Only it wasn't my actions that put me in that cage. It was my unforgiveness. 

Does a pop song help people feel better? It can't take the hurt from your heart. It can bring feelings to the surface, and, if one needs to grieve, it helps that process. We tend to hide our emotions and push them down until they burst out at inopportune times (kind of like trying to hold a bunch of inflated balloons underwater). It will eventually come to the surface. So, yes, in a way, a pop song can help those who are suffering, at least in getting them to face what they don't want to face. Admitting your loss, your grief, your setback, or whatever you're going through, is the first step. Then the process has begun. A pop song can't do what God can do, but it may "prime the pump" and help someone look for meaningful solutions to their grief. Though I could honestly say I had a lot to look forward to because there was no way it could be worse than what I went through in the past, my heart didn't start to change until God touched it. 

I don't have a vision for my life. I've tried with all my might to conjure some sort of beautiful future for myself. I can imagine it for others but never for myself. I don't know if this normal. But, even though I have no particular vision, I know God has something special for me, otherwise I'd be in the ground. Near one of the parks in town is the cemetery, and sometimes I wander over there and look at the headstones. My son sometimes gets bored with playgrounds, but he still wants to go (it's more fun to watch his shows on YouTube or play games on the tablet, I guess). Cemeteries aren't the most fun place to be (though I did have fun trying to find the oldest person there and I believe I did; they were born in the 1820s, if I remember), but they remind us that life is incredibly short and to be infinitely grateful for each and every breath we take. 

God gave you this existence for a reason. It isn't all suffering. Life shouldn't be hard. There are hard things we all endure, but life itself shouldn't be hard. Do the will of God. That's your purpose here. Honestly, that's enough. Enjoy your blessings. Don't be hard. Be soft in God's hands. Be a vessel worthy of the calling you've been given. 

Brighter Days is reminiscent of so many Stevie Wonder songs. (Blessing Offor is blind, too.) You can hear the church choir. You feel uplifted. You feel touched. And you feel thankful someone out there felt the need to create this song. What a nice sentiment. We will be hurt in life. Where we go with those hurts is what makes the difference. I appeal to anyone reading to take those hurts to God, as He can make something wonderful out of something hopeless. You may even someday thank Him for letting it happen so you could be closer to Him as a result. One thing is certain. You won’t have brighter days if you take your pain to the enemy. If you're reading this and don't think your time will ever come, stay close to God as you go through rough seas. I know you've heard it before, but storms don't last forever. Brighter days are ahead. 

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Here is a sermon from Charles Stanley on healing our hurts. It was helpful for me. Perhaps it will help someone else, too. 

Sorry I haven't written for a while. Haven't really felt like it. Also, I got HBO Max so was watching a lot of TV. (Also, growing my hair like a chia pet and experimenting with not washing said hair. I don’t know why I bother because the wind just blows it up anyway.) I got it for a certain show, Raised by Wolves, which is in the Ridley Scott universe of sci-fi. I love that brand of sci-fi. The title Raised by Wolves comes from Romulus and Remus (who were suckled by a wolf), the mythical founders of Rome. The main tension in the series is between the religious folks (multiple references to the Church of Rome) and the atheists. The androids are my favorite characters, strangely enough, and have the best hair (the future is bleak for haircuts, not that I can talk). Mother (Lamia) is my favorite character, and she can destroy someone by screaming at them, and Father likes to tell dad jokes. How perfect is that? Raised by Wolves is typical of the style, so it has a lot of symbolism which I feel compelled to decode. I can't just sit and watch TV, apparently. I have to think about it on various levels and in relation to other things. Anyway, Ridley is definitely in the know. Besides that, I've been eating a lot of bananas to keep my figure. (Since I got sick months ago, I haven’t been able to properly taste food anyway.) That's all. What have y'all be up to? 

If you read this far hoping to know what happened with Cindy and me, the answer is nothing. I haven’t seen her in months, and we don’t talk. She is reluctant to move forward with anyone (i.e., me) for the time being, as her ex has a girlfriend and this fact does not sit well with her children. She doesn’t want to put more on their plates when they are already having trouble digesting this situation. Once again, Cindy puts everyone else before herself. I honestly never considered anyone could be so constantly good-hearted and selfless. I had to see it to believe it. Everything you’ve read about her — from That Girl to Holding Cynthia to Wonderful — is true. I don’t deserve to even be the friend of such a person, and I can’t imagine what it would be like to come home to such a woman every day. It’s a blessing I can’t fathom. If she was out of reach before, she is even more out of reach now. Whoever gets her gets one of God’s finest. Anyway. I know who her ex is dating (she has three little boys, and one was in my son’s first-grade class), and feel compelled to pray for all of them, as this could be an opportunity for God to move in all their lives and bring them closer to Him. It could be a chance for her ex to “turn over a new leaf,” so to speak. Or, maybe I’m just crazy and don’t know anything about anything. All good possibilities! But, I will pray, nonetheless. (For the record, I didn’t go out of my way to find anything out. For some reason, I felt God brought it to my attention by putting it in front of me. I asked what to do about what He showed me, and the answer seems to be prayer.)

One last thing I'd like to add. Maybe it's rudimentary, but it helped me understand my own sin as well as others. I felt God opened my eyes a little bit. Sin doesn't always start as something awful. It often comes from a legitimate place of need or lack or hurt. But it's something we can either take to God or let the devil have control. It may be something like a bad childhood (thumbs to chest) or a divorce (again). We often can't help the challenges set against us, but we can do something about our reaction and where we take those challenges. I endeavor to take my wounds and needs to the Lord from now on. He can do so much with them. He can change the worst of situations into brighter days. 

Thank you for reading. And God bless.

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