I'm sorry


It is safe to say I sometimes over-apologized in the past. It's hard living with the burden placed upon me in my youth, but this doesn't have anything to do with that. And I think it is fine to say you're sorry about something you had nothing to do with. But when you've done wrong, an apology is necessary. This is a honest and heartfelt apology for many things I wish I could have done better. 

I'm sorry, dear girl. I'm sorry I wasn't enough the first time we had a chance at forever. I'm sorry I interrupted your life with my unrepentant dreams of you and me. If I could go back and do it again, you know I'd do it differently. 

I'm sorry I didn't quit pursuing you when I should have. I'm sorry I made you mad at me. And oh so sad. But, like Babe Ruth said, "It is hard to beat someone who never gives up." My persistence only made you sad and angry with me and drove you away. I lost a friend because I wanted so much more. I lost our friendship. I will be sorry for the rest of my life.  

I'm sorry, dear girl, you faced such challenges in your marriage. I understand some of them but certainly not all. If I had been a better man and sooner, I think you wouldn't have had to face those things. If I had known then what I know now, I would have been there to protect you. But God gave you grace to weather those storms. 

I'm sorry. Sorrier than I ever imagined I could be. If I could undo my horrid mistakes, I would. If anything good can be said about what I did, it is the fact that I have grown. It is said that if we look back at our lives and cringe at our mistakes, we've grown as a person. If that is so, then I have grown more than I ever imagined, too. But I would give up all my growth to put your life back together and make you happy again. I pray God gives you what you lost and brings happiness back to you. I know what is in your heart and pray God honors what it seeks. I know He will give you the desires of your heart. 

I'm sorry I was ever born, and that's not self-pity. I see clearly what happened to me made me sad and then mean. If I had never existed, I never would have experienced those things that twisted and made me wrong and ugly. So I never would have hurt you — or anyone else — like I did. But the same grace and class you showed to others, you showed to me. 

There really are no adequate words for how I feel. I sincerely hope you accept my apologies. Even when I told you I loved you, I know it hurt. So I will be silent and do the best thing I know to do. 

Thank you for reading. And God bless. 

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