Breathing her to life
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She doesn't exist beside me
but she will
someday
she will hold my hand
through thick and thin
through sickness and health
through poverty and wealth
Even if I have to create her
breathe her to life somehow
she will be there
Even if I don't know how
I will find a way
and form her out of clay
and quivering breath
I ache for her
Hope for her
and wait for her
to join me
someday
What she looks like
I don't even care
what she feels like
in my arms
doesn't even matter
she is made for me
and I will treat her
as the best part of me
Created by desire
and thousands of prayers
made out of love and hope
and years of plaintive tears
What a woman
If I hold her hand
will I feel flesh
or her naked soul?
If I embrace her
will I feel warm skin
or my soul touching hers
It doesn't matter
what the world tells me
I know she's out there
It doesn't matter
what my thoughts tell me
my heart knows
I tell my heart to wait
be patient, be still
sit quietly before God
But I feel my heart
waiting up at night
waiting for her arrival
and whispering
please don't be late
***
Recently scheduled my first phone interview. I imagine nothing will come of it, but it is good practice. I will keep knocking unless God tells me otherwise. (I know if I moved first and looked for a job afterward, I'd have a much easier time of it, but that's not how I decided to proceed. One listing was especially troubling; they wanted at least a master's degree but starting pay was $11/hr. That's a no on both counts.) Either way, my life likely won't magically improve overnight. I seem to be stuck on chasing a fantasy and chasing ghosts anyway.
Thank you for reading, and God bless.
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