She


How many years did I wonder about you? I asked God if you were even out there, if there was anyone for me at all. So many times I asked Him about you, gave Him a list of things I wanted, begged and pleaded, eventually giving up. And you gave up too. We walked alone so many years, or with liars and cheats, people who couldn't love us, couldn't see us. I flung myself at brick wall after brick wall, hoping someday something would stick. I only broke myself. Finally, I abandoned the search. On Christmas Day, I gave up, mourning a last unsuccessful bid for love. My eyes turned toward God, accepting defeat. I laid my heart at His feet. I told Him to give it to whomever He wished. 

You said you gave up too. I wonder if you laid your heart at His feet like I did. What did He do with those two hearts at His feet? Did he see how they fit? He surely did. Those two searching hearts, abused for so long, abandoned and neglected. How easily they fit together, like they were made for one another. We fit well from the beginning. I recognized you. I saw you. And you saw me. 

The honesty of your heart. They don't build them like that anymore. A '77 model, all steel and leather and guts and heart. A southern girl, American-made, honest as grits and hot coffee, born to be free and to rev your engine on a Sunday morning backroad. I grip your leather steering wheel and turn up the radio, smiling from ear to ear. There is no metaphor for this. I struggle with the words. Are you a classic pickup? A sexy sedan? You're a woman, of course, beautiful in every way. I dip into your throttle, hear your engine purr, back off and let you coast, your engine begging to be wrung out. No, they aren't built like this anymore. You're all heart, all soul, and strikingly beautiful. Not a machine — a work of art that stirs the blood, makes my heart race, thrills my soul. Forgive me for equating you with a machine. You were formed by loving hands, uniquely crafted. A soul unequalled. Fearfully and wonderfully made by our God. A giving tree. A soul unabashedly free and unfettered. I wonder at you sometimes. I step back, admire you, rush to you again, running my hands along your hot body. I close my eyes and thank God for you. 

It feels epic. Like living in the soundtrack of a movie. I watch you on the big screen. You run through my thoughts every day. Your dark hair and brilliant eyes. Your smile, your laughter, your intelligence, the heat of your skin. It's too much sometimes. I have to smile and look away. Or you will catch it. You'll see it in my eyes. My adoration. My admiration. My love, naked and on display. I made myself vulnerable with you, something unimaginable not long ago. With you, it was easy. Your hand fits in mine so easily, your body seemingly made for mine, your eyes seeing right through me, yet still in love with me. Sometimes I can't believe you've seen me yet still want to stay by my side. 

I look forward to what time we have together. I hope and pray it's many years. I believe God has a plan for us. It's unique, something only we can do together. You're a fighter. I'm a fighter. We'll fight to be together. And it's no accident we were put tother. Whatever God has for us, I don't know yet, but I'm sure it involves a fight. We'll go into battle together, swords drawn, faces adamant against the enemy. We will fight together. 

I want to thank you. For being you. For staying. For loving me the way you do. I've never felt so much love from anyone, especially a woman. It's hot and bold and beautiful. Your soul is endlessly giving to those in your life, and I'm no exception. It makes me love you more. I search for ways to love you, ask God to show me how to love you best. You feel like a gift. I turn you over in my hands. I wonder at your parts, how they fit without trying or forcing. We locked in. Erika, I love you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for letting me be me. 

I love when I hold you and kiss your sweet forehead, your big, green eyes dreamily looking up at me. I love going to bed with a warm spot in my chest instead of a hole. My heart writes love letters when I look at you. I never thought I would write these words, that I would finally be here with you. This was a future for which I hoped but never imagined living. I'm in love with you, sweet girl. Whatever it is we are doing, let's keep doing it. 

Thank you for reading. And God bless.

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