The problem with being Archie
This is not a joke, though some may laugh. My blog feels like a joke, but it is a place to pause and reflect or, in this case, examine. And maybe find a solution.
Betty and Veronica are characters in the Archie comics universe, which I grew up with. Archie is a ginger buffoon, forever caught between competing love interests of two girls. I use the names Betty and Veronica because the girls in question have the same name. I cannot, for the life of me, choose one. It's distressing. I pushed both away at different times, and with the same result. They are unshakable, and I like them both.
Who cares, right? Bro is cooking. Here's why this matters. There is some weird, perverse voodoo with this blog, where, if I write about a woman, she often disappears. So, in order to solve the problem of having two girls interested in me (first time for everything), I will write about them and see who disappears. Call it a test. At this point, I don't care how it is resolved. I go back and forth every day. It's exhausting. Considering I entertained just about every other trope on these pages, no, two girls at once is not a fantasy of mine. No. Just no.
A strange connection to a previous post is KJ Apa, who was the main character in the movie I wrote about. Well, he also played Archie on the abomination called Riverdale. (And whoever cast Jughead in that series had clearly never read the comics.) But whatever. But let's talk about another abomination: my life. Kidding. Yes, my life is a cautionary tale. At least it is entertaining.
Let's introduce them. The first we will call Betty (since she has light hair), though her name is Iryna (pronounced ee-ree-nuh), a common Slavic name. She's 44 and lives in Houston, has two kids. She's simply lovely. I won't mention last names because at least one has a strong online presence. And as soon as this issue is resolved, I will unpublished this.
And then we have Veronica (also Iryna), who is 41, has no children, and lives in Miami. She hasn't been in the U.S. as long as Betty. She is also lovely. She's the one I sent flowers for her birthday and the one for whom I wrote two love letters, previously posted.
That would seem to make it an easy decision, right? Go with the girl you wrote love letters to. But there's a problem: I don't trust my instincts because 1) they were so wrong in the past and 2) it's actually a bit of a red flag that I wrote love letters.
Let me explain. The energy from each is different. Betty feels more like the girl in the comics: fun and bubbly, at times scattered, but full of energy and laughter. Veronica is less superficial. She has tremendous depth. Our conversations are very different. But I've written love letters to only one. And that is a red flag because it feels like striving, which leaves a bad taste, as it reminds me of the last woman I loved and how very wrong I was, how far off base, how incredibly stupid and humiliated I felt, and ultimately abandoned. I feel averse to writing love letters now because that pathway feels blocked, ruined. And they don't seem to have the same magic. If I were to rate the last two, I would give them a 5 on a scale of 1-10. It's hard to write love letters because I feel they won't resonate. Like sending them into the void, as I did so many years.
But I feel anyone I'm with deserves love letters. A woman should know what you like about her, how you see her, what she makes you feel. When she thinks about you, she should have an idea of how you picture her. I was recently talking to a woman who reached out because she was dissatisfied with how her boyfriend was treating her (I found no fault in how he was treating her; he was doing a lovely job, in my opinion), but a red flag is she had no verbiage to describe how he saw her, what he liked about her. Quite sad because he never told her.
One thing about me is I have no trouble expressing what I enjoy about a woman, often praising her openly. If I find her intelligent, she knows. If she dresses well, I tell her. If I love her smile, she knows. If I want to ring her bell, she definitely knows. That's one plus about me. NO ambiguity. I'm not a man who appeals to all women, yet I have good qualities. Back to the girls.
It's more than just green eyes versus blue, dark hair versus light, a car ride versus an airplane ride. Similarities exist. They're from the same country. They're immigrants, so there's an exotic vibe. (Yes, I like Eastern European women. Sue me.) There will always be some mystery behind their eyes, things I will never know. They speak multiple languages. Slavic culture is different from the West. Patriarchy is strong. Men are given more respect. Some say the perfect marriage is a man from the U.S. and a Slavic girl. Here men are more attentive and giving. Slavic women are more traditional. There's more staying in your own lane and less friction. Slavic girls are more apt to take care of themselves and look good than American women. But the food here is bad. Eat enough of it, and y'all be fat like the rest of us.
It feels shameful, talking to two women at once. That's the crisis. It's at odds with who I am, how I operate. I simply replied to both when they reached out. I started talking to Veronica last year, then excused myself from the site for several months. She reached out again after I rejoined. Betty initiated contact before Veronica did the second time, otherwise I would have ignored her. New women write all the time. If they write to you once and you don't respond, they can't write again.
If you think they aren't real, I get that. But they both sent videos where they say my name. No, I haven't met either. Maybe that would be the deciding factor. But I feel if you're traveling to see someone, you're pretty serious. I want to avoid hurting anyone. In the past, it was me who got hurt, which was fine. I don't care if I get hurt, but they deserve to be treated well, and they both said I am the only one they are talking to. If that was not the case, I would just let one or the other fade away as she got interested in someone else. (I always assume women are talking to other men, so it's extremely rare that two say the opposite.) What do I do when it seems they both have their mind made up?
This is not a familiar situation. You see the difficulty. You say, "Why don't you just pray about it?" My lands, why didn't I think of that? Please know I pray about it every day, many times a day, asking God to intervene and take one or both away. It's a matter of humility. I would make the wrong decision, most likely. I left it up to God. Is this something He returned to my care, insisting I make a decision? Is this another lesson? Please, no more lessons for a while. That last one bout made me jump out a window.
It should be a simple matter of who I like more, right? "That's my girl." But I like them both, just in different ways. Betty is more anxiously attached, which feels good after the last one. Veronica is harder to feel. She's quieter about her feelings, forcing me to read between the lines. She's more introverted. I wouldn't say she's avoidantly attached because I don't know. She's a different vibe. I often misjudge how she feels. She corrects me. I don't want to react to either based on past experiences, but there were lessons learned. I feel if I can explore this here instead of feeling everything out, the answer will become clear. They both deserve thought and attention, but I feel like I'm in too deep to make a good decision. I want both, which is wrong.
As an INFJ, how people feel to me is important. It may be the most important thing. I'm not transactional. Normally, I can feel someone I'm talking to, even from a distance. Because of the language barrier (they are Ukrainian), it's difficult. They both feel warm. Betty does not like having gaps in communication. Veronica is alright with it, but only for a couple of days, then she reaches out again. How long it takes a girl to write to you the second time after you haven't responded says a lot. If I disappeared for a week, they would be confused and probably pissed. Have you seen a pissed-off Slavic girl? It might be the last thing you see.
Then there's the topic of sex, which was brought up by only one, Betty. She's more open and honest about it. I realize it's a hard thing to talk about when you haven't met someone, but if a woman gladly brings up the subject on her own, she's into you and finds you attractive. It may be the most important thing to men, knowing she digs you sexually. It is possibly the biggest gift she can give, of impossible-to-quantify importance. And, conversely, the worst a woman can do is reject a man sexually, especially over time. It will destroy him. Feeling accepted sexually by a woman is top tier. Because of the personality difference, only one has talked about sex. Or only one is into me. Which is it?
I think they both want to move forward, just at different paces. Their temperaments are different. If I were to take a nap, I feel Betty would come wake me, saying she made delicious food or something. Veronica would let me sleep while she read a book by the window. One is on full boil. One is simmering on the back burner. Then there's the fact that it's been so long since I was married, I wonder how capable I am. I am fine with being by myself, so if I chose to be with a woman, that's high praise.
I know, a man should only be so lucky to have this problem. But it reached a point of crisis. The last thing I want is to hurt someone. I have more understanding for those who let me go in the past. Hoping one or the other would see something they didn't like in me didn't pan out. I talked to a shamefully high number of women over the years, and they always fade away, so I expected the same to happen with these, which is why I didn't mind talking to two. We are all looking for our person, so it's alright, but as time went on, I realized a connection with both was possible. Now it's a reality. Which tells me I'm healthier than in the past, but that's not the point. I effed up.
Even writing about this made me more conflicted and anxious. And it's in poor taste, as I am examining something private, but please examine my reasoning. The blog seems to have a wicked way of settling things. I would be upset if I knew women were discussing me in public (I know they do with one another). Actually, I was told there is a forum where women discuss the men on the site, but who knows?
I wouldn't say they're both 10s, but they are prettier than I deserve. Don't know how I pulled either. Both women would make me smile. I feel the only thing that may force a decision is if Veronica wanted to have a child. I love children. I just don't know how much energy I can give to raising one at my age. She hasn't said anything about children, but that doesn't mean she doesn't harbor that wish. I feel it's something everyone should experience. This isn't about my desires. I'm easy. It's more important she gets what she wants. If I can't give it to her, that's a dead end. It will be a problem in the future. The final consideration is how I operate in relationships. Not everyone can be with an INFJ. For those who are able, it is deeply rewarding and an adventure like no other.
I don't know how someone can take a good situation and feel bad, but here I am. Continuing to pray, but I can see this going either way, or neither. No idea what to do so just keep kicking that can down the road. Meanwhile, it's like I have two girlfriends. Welcome to Club Womanizer, asshole. But what would you do, if you couldn't find anything wrong with either? Holding onto two green flags makes me a red flag. God has to figure this one out. He sees things I can't. From my vantage point, I would be lucky to be with either.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
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