The way forward

The way forward after romantic disappointment is hard to see in the immediate aftermath. After much prayer and seeking God, I compiled statements that helped me define the way forward. They were helpful for me; maybe they will be for someone else. If I can prevent even a little heartbreak, it will be worth it.

I forgive them. I forgive myself. Pray for them and ask God to bless them with healing or whatever they need the most. 

I'm sad it ended, but I know I will be okay. Time and healing. You'll get there. It may be hard to see right now, but hang in there and you will look back in wonder at how far you've come. 

What happened doesn't define me. I refuse to see myself as rejected. God loves and accepts me, and there is no higher love than His. 

It wasn't all bad. There were good things, too. It's okay to remember the good things about the relationship. Recognize those were real moments and the feelings you had were real. 

It's healthy to let go when things end. Hanging onto something that ended is painful, and what you're holding onto after it ends is not a person or an experience but rather the pain of loss. Letting go is freeing. Let go as many times as you need. Say it every day 100 times. Don't play the game of “what if I did this or that instead.” It won’t change the outcome. 

I am grateful for what we had. That book closed, and it's time write a new adventure. It might be too early to think about the next chapter, so dwell on feelings of gratitude for the good that came of it and recognize something was lost, but feeling stuck is not permanent. You will move from this place to something better.

I'm allowed to grieve the loss, but I won't dwell on it forever. You will think about it from time to time (a lot at first) and then eventually you won't. It will become a scar, and scars are tougher than regular skin. You will be tougher, wiser, smarter. 

I will give myself time to heal before moving on. Healing is your main job right now. Put effort into it. Live your life. Do what you need to do, but don't expect to feel like Superman. You're going to feel fragile for a while. God heals, so avail yourself to His healing touch. He wants to love you, especially now, so let Him. 

I will take time for myself before attempting something new. Enjoy being in your own skin again before trying again. Let things settle. Right now, you may not feel like yourself with a new person, and that's a difficult way to start something new. When you feel like yourself again, you can explore a new adventure. If you're still looking for that person you lost in everyone you meet, you're not ready. Grieve and heal first. 

I will learn from this and take it into a future relationship. Learn the lessons. Grow through the pain of loss. The bravest heart is the heart that's been hurt but decides to love again. 

I will be fine on my own until then. Being with friends and family is important, too. You don't have to live life by yourself, but you shouldn't be in a relationship until you're ready. When you're ready, you'll know. The person God has for you isn't going anywhere. 

I won't have to chase the right person. And I shouldn't feel pressured to move forward with someone. It's okay to take your time. It's a big decision. Make it prayerfully. Let God lead.

God makes it clear where I stand with someone, and whether they are the one. It's my job to listen. Stay close to Him, especially in the initial attachment stage of the relationship. You don't want your heart to get ahead of Him. A key aspect of the Christian walk is waiting, which is getting close to God (being knit together with Him). It’s a good time to listen. Try not to complain about your situation. Stay close to Him, and He will provide the way forward. Jesus said He is the way, so follow Him. 

The right way forward will give you peace.  

Thank you for reading. And God bless.

And my other blog, None Dare Call It Treason.

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