my careless contagion

The way forward after romantic disappointment is hard to see in the immediate aftermath. After much prayer and seeking God, I compiled statements that helped me define the way forward. They were helpful for me; maybe they will be for someone else. If I can prevent even a little heartbreak, it will be worth it. I forgive them. I forgive myself. Pray for them and ask God to bless them with healing or whatever they need the most.  I'm sad it ended, but I know I will be okay. Time and healing. You'll get there. It may be hard to see right now, but hang in there and you will look back in wonder at how far you've come.  What happened doesn't define me. I refuse to see myself as rejected. God loves and accepts me, and there is no higher love than His.  It wasn't all bad. There were good things, too. It's okay to remember the good things about the relationship. Recognize those were real moments and the feelings you had were real.  It's healthy to let go when things ...

The Smiths' How Soon Is Now? is iconic. Check out the lyrics . Certainly not a run-of-the-mill 80s song. It came out in '84 but didn't pick up steam until later. Do the lyrics make more sense when you know Morrissey (the singer/coauthor of this song) is vegetarian (since age 11) turned vegan? No wonder so much of his music is sad and "beta," as the kids would say. (Eating meat helps men produce testosterone.) Maybe that's why I want to talk about this song. It's about longing. It's about love. It's about longing for love. Saw a license plate recently that simply said, "SIMP," which I understand.  I realized perhaps too late in life the driving force of my being was the search for love. Just wanted to be loved. Looked everywhere for it. That search was behind all major failures and was the wound that drove the most virulent sins. Little did I know there is no human love that can satisfy, and only God can love me fully and in a way that hea...

The song doesn't matter. It's a good song. A catchy pop song. I don't know if it's a love song. It's a when-something-good-is-about-to-end song, maybe. A good radio song. It's actually quite hard to craft a simple song like this. It's much harder to leave it simple than to embellish it and  adulterate the heart of a song with too much music. A lot of people don't realize that a somewhat narrow band of music is appropriate for radio because of the frequencies used to broadcast. Some sounds don't come over the airwaves very well. When I listen to songs for, say, a post like this, I use my Bose headphones because the sound is better than the iMac speakers. But, I also know I'm listening to a digital reproduction of a performance. If you listen to something such a CD, which almost no one does anymore, you have to realize it's compressed. It's a digital copy of a live event. So it's ones and zeroes. All the quirky, spacey sounds are lopped...

Rejection played a big role in my life. It doesn't have to be intentional. People passively reject others all the time. It doesn't have to be something we even think about in order to reject someone. Do I think everyone who rejected me wanted to hurt me? No, in fact, I don't think any of them wanted to hurt me. It was unintentional. But, if I perceive something as rejection, it is rejection, regardless. I can't tell someone I didn't hurt them if they felt hurt by something I did. With that out of the way, here are a few things I learned about rejection. This is only my opinion.  One of the worst things about the rejection I felt from my family (and I heard this from others who experienced the same) was I felt the need to change somehow. As in, they wouldn't reject me if I was someone else or changed my behavior. I think this is perhaps how I ended up with a different personality than my birth order would suggest. My natural personality is laid back and silly, fu...

Into the Unknown was released in 1983 as the band's second album. After a few seconds of listening, you'll notice something is wrong. This isn't the Bad Religion everyone knows. This album, which was seemingly recorded in one key, killed the band. Greg Hetson convinced the principal members to reunite and give it another go a few years after this album bombed. The band even took back all the copies. Even copies people made of the record. It was that embarrassing. No doubt all of those were trashed.  Why am I posting a full album of a doomed record? There is a lesson here. Listen to everything Bad Religion did after this and it's fairly cohesive. There isn't a lot of experimentation. This album taught the band that the audience dictates what a band plays. Even in punk rock where you can seemingly get away with anything. Hardcore music has rigorous standards, believe it or not.  No one has to listen to this. I have my own favorite songs. I think it's a fun album. ...

I don't know when I first started listening to punk rock. Sometime during high school. It is such an expansive genre. My preference was hardcore, notably melodic hardcore. I was drawn to Bad Religion because they were unique and intelligent but also listened to Nitro bands like Guttermouth and AFI. I knew all the Fat Wreck Chords bands. Greatly appreciated Gorilla Biscuits and, later, CIV. I loved Fugazi (I think they were my first show; tickets were $5 plus a Ticketmaster service charge of $1). Later, I got into Social Distortion, Face to Face, Samiam, and others too numerous to list. I had tapes. I had CDs. I had vinyl. Gigabytes of mp3s. Rare stuff, covers, bootlegs, live shows, stuff that was never released anywhere but Japan (why always Japan?). I recall seeing Sick of It All open for AFI and was more impressed with the opening band (even though I wanted to see AFI for about 15 years at that point). I was ready to go home after that. It was ridiculously good. I saw a ton of He...

Sorry I haven't written much lately. I've been doing hot-girl shit. What is hot-girl shit? I'm glad you asked. Because I also have no idea. I think it might be how someone takes care of a horse: they comb the hair and bathe it, paying special attention to the hooves (nails?) and teeth . Maybe hot girls are like horses because horses don't do jack all day but stand around and look pretty and maybe make faces at other horses. Yeah, I'm definitely not doing that. What are dumb old donkeys doing? Trudging up a mountain with a heavy pack on their back while someone kicks them for being slow and careful and trying not to fall off the edge? I'm probably doing that. Anyway. I wrote some stuff. It may or may not be important. Okay, it isn't. It may or may not be jocular. It may or may not be an exaggeration. And I may or may not care what you think either way. Expect another post in a day or two. Or not. Whatever.  *** Sometimes we are confronted by uncomfortable tru...