Five years of mixed feelings

Recently, I realized I’ve been back in the Black Hills for five years now. Though I was born in the Black Hills, this second time living here has been quite a different experience. When my family moved away from the Hills, I was 10 years old, a far cry from the 36-year-old man who moved here five years ago.

Coming back to the Hills was about starting over. I sought a different life as well as a reboot for my marriage. Though I succeeded in living a different kind of life — a life new and challenging — my marriage continued to falter and eventually ended.

It’s hard to put into words what happens when a relationship that’s persisted for more than 20 years ends. It’s safe to say I plunged headlong into a vortex of depression, a depression unlike any I’ve ever experienced. 

The last five years have not been defined by sadness, though. About four and a half years ago, one of the most amazing things — something I thought would never happen — strode into my life. I became a father. 

My little boy — Isaiah — came into this world prematurely and spent almost a month after his birth in the neonatal intensive care unit at Rapid City Regional Hospital. The joy of being a father was tinged with the sadness of not being able to bring him home right away. 

Thinking of him in his little plastic bubble made me sad as I tucked into my warm bed at night. But it was a temporary sadness and soon we were able to bring him home, though not much bigger than his original birth weight of 3.5 lbs.

We celebrated by taking that little boy with us everywhere, whether we were walking or hiking or going to work. He came with us. He was strapped into his papoose or his car seat or was cradled in our arms. It was a happy reunion. He seemed to enjoy movement more than sitting still, and I think he still does. His energy amazes and confounds me. Daily I search for a battery pack or switch to turn him off (or at least down for a little bit). The word “rest” is not in his vocabulary. 

My son almost three years ago — going for a pic-a-nic?

Having that little boy (who isn’t so little anymore) in my life has been a blessing in many ways. I know he’s only in my life for a little while because he’s just on loan from God, and I know it probably sounds silly to all those who have experienced having children, but having him in my life has been the defining aspect of the last five years. Though being a father is sometimes a hard task, I always count him as a blessing.

Another amazing experience I’ve had is going back to school and taking courses online. I could write a column dedicated to this experience, but suffice to say it has been an uplifting experience for which I am forever grateful. Though I have had to cut the experience short, I have accomplished more than I thought I would. Having a growth mindset is important, no matter your age, and continuing to learn is a big part of that.

If I was to move from the Southern Black Hills tomorrow, I would struggle to put a label on the whole experience of living here. This part of the country is unique. It’s big and beautiful and grand, and it’s also intimate and full of nuance. The people who live here are just as unique.

I am thankful for the time I’ve spent here and for the opportunities I’ve had over the last five years. I don’t know when my last day in the Hills will be, but I’m sure it will engender mixed feelings. 

I’ll miss many of the people I’ve gotten to know here. I’ll hold onto many of the memories made, and I’ll shun others. The land — my original home — I will miss. The amount of public land here is astounding and a great treasure for locals and visitors alike. 

While I didn’t intend to spend this long living in the Black Hills, I’ve seen the community I live in — indeed, the entire county — grow and prosper. There have been setbacks. There has been a surprising number of key citizens passing away, businesses closing, etc., but the Southern Black Hills is progressing and growing in spite of those setbacks.
 
As for me, I intend to do the same.