my careless contagion

Sweet Surrender by John Denver. It's a sweet little song. I love this song and tried for a long time to find a way to post it. The video is from 1994, I believe, and John's voice is lower than the original recording (1974) because he is older and it is a live performance. Like all folk songs, it is accessible and the audience is able to sing along. Before I get into the reasons why I'm posting the song, go ahead and listen.  The part that always stuck out to me was, "My life is worth the livin', I don't need to see the end." Which brings me to why I'm posting this song. This is an unscheduled post, by the way, the next scheduled post is Feb. 8 (hopefully a bit lighter). However, I need to document a specific moment. Bear with me.  Have you ever had a dream that threw your whole day off, like you were still kind of stuck in the dream, unable to reconcile something about it, and it just bothered you something fierce?Imagine waking up every day like that,...

This is the time and space where I'm supposed to talk about what I learned in the three years running this blog. I'm supposed to say how much I've grown (groan) or whatever. So, I guess we'll do that. I'd like to say a lot changed, but that never seems to be the case. I should have moved quickly in any given direction, but I felt God was telling me to wait. Instead, I got bogged down in a morass of self-pity. Maybe it was necessary to stand still and heal, but with blood in the water, it was an open invitation to the sharks that swam around me. Unfortunately, I learned how cruel, pathetic, and unsympathetic people can be when one is trying to heal. I also learned they will blame you for something you didn't do just because. It makes me wonder if it does any good to try to live an upright life if I'm just going to be treated like a criminal. But that's not me. That's my disillusionment talking. Prepare for a long read.  This blog is pedagogical in nat...

This post was generated from reading this article on child abuse/trauma . Before I start talking about that, let me say this, speaking of Jesus Chris: " But he  was  wounded for our transgressions,  he was  bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace  was  upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." (Isaiah 53:5) Victims of child abuse often feel they are to blame. Eventually, they may concede they were not to blame for being abused. If you still wonder, let me reiterate: you are not to blame. But the last part is what I want to focus on. Healing is possible through what Jesus Christ did at Calvary. Healing is part of the package that includes salvation and deliverance that was bought with a precious price. God wants us all to heal.  I read the above article (perhaps I've posted it here previously, too) on Jan. 6. I felt God told me something that night about my situation. Without going into detail, I'm still praying about that and tru...

I don't know if anyone is still reading here. If not, that's fine. But this post is something I rarely do. I'm asking for prayer. If anyone reading here prays and has a moment, please say a prayer for me because I am not doing well, even relative to how I am normally.  Backing up a bit, I feel God gave me a directive Jan. 6, which I immediately requested a confirmation thereof and believed I got the same night. I won't say exactly what either of those things were because I feel I've been wrong to do that sort of thing in the past. It is embarrassing if or when either 1) it becomes clear I haven't heard God's voice or 2) I am not able to perform what I feel God told me to do. So, I will leave the details out and simply ask for prayer regarding this situation. I need to know if I heard God's voice and because of past experiences, I'm unsure if I'm hearing the right voice. That puts me in a rather bad position, but my prayer is God will open the doo...

  Parker McCollum made a pretty song (with requisite country twang) in Pretty Heart . The last time I heard it, I was getting my hair cut. I have heard it many times, and every time, I think of a particular man and a particular woman, and the things that man should say to that woman. I wished many times he would have turned around, repented of breaking her pretty heart so many ways for so many years, and put their lives back together. I prayed that literally thousands of times. No, that man is not me, though I wish he was because that woman would say yes in an instant if she heard the right words from the right man. I have the words, and he is the man. We just have to put those things together. If I could, I would tear my heart from my chest and replace that man's heart. I would take the words that exist in my mind and put them in his. I would sacrifice myself to put that man and woman back together, if I could. And he would say those precious words and do those necessary things. T...

It's always windy in Wyoming. It's always something but me and her, which is all I ever thought I would need. The weather is like a woman, and like a specific woman. It's never the same, but it's always there, reminding you that you live in her world; she does not live in yours. Like the wind, she tore past you, went through you, left you alone, wondering and waiting and lost. The weather changes quickly, and so did she when she went right through you. But, unlike the weather, she changed you, humbled you, and made you hers. Like the weather, she reminds you that you are almost insignificant, and she can warm you or chill you to the bone, but it isn't because she cares or does not. Like the weather, she is what she is. You prepare for her. She doesn't even notice you. The wind does not want or need or even know you are there. It does what it does. You can't even see the wind, but you know it is there. I wait for her to shine on me again, just like the sun on...

I know it's weird I'm already posting again, but I wrote the last post a while ago, so now it's not weird, right? Yeah, probably still weird. But I write when I get the urge, and last night, I got the urge, thus, I wrote. Haha. I hate using the word thus. Or thusly. How about the word firstly? Talk about a dog of a word. Haha. Hey, it's my blog. I do what I want. Onward.    Youth Brigade was founded in 1980, and they still tour, and even someone as bad at math as me knows that is a long time for a band, especially a hardcore band, to be around. It may help that three brothers founded it. They also founded Better Youth Organization, and they were always a positive voice for the next generation. I don't recall if they were straight edge, but I always thought of them that way. Loads of respect.    Last Day of the Year was always my December 31 anthem, going back maybe 20 years. When I lived in a college town the lyrics were appropriate because I could see "people ...

It feels good to close the door on this year. Holy crap. It was a decidedly horrid year. And now it is in its waning moments. This was the year I ran out of everything. It was like the world stopped. A lot of people know what I'm talking about. Suicides went off the charts. Drug and alcohol abuse soared. People lost hope. And we got to see what the new world order looks like.  Will next year be better? We can only hope. And pray. And pray some more. Heads up: this is a long post. Kinda hard to sum up this disastrous year with few words.   I close this year with a confession of error. I was wrong about something very important to me, something which I sought God about literally thousands of times (or, it is possible I was simply unable to do what God told me to do, but the outcome is the same). I am beyond humbled. My consolation is everything was submitted to God long ago. This thing needs more prayer because I'm not settled in my understanding. I have an easier time accepting...

Consider the body of love letters I've written. Consider the songs, the poems, the promises, still soaked in hope. It feels like I wrote my wedding vows a thousand times, inscribing them on my heart with a diamond pen. What could I add to those words? What have I not already said? How could I say it better? In For You , written in 1986 (I was 9 years old) and released in 1988, John Denver said it better. There comes a point when words can't say it; they simply cannot express the feelings you have for someone. Music helps, but it is still only part-way there. This song comes pretty close to saying it, though, doesn't it? Surely this song saw many a man and woman married, just as many of John's songs did (and probably still do). The song is longing, plaintive, waiting, steadfast, but burning. I thought every single one of its lines. I felt them far more. I do offer a prayer for her each day (and more than one). And if anyone wonders, I would give my life for her. In a hea...

So, I posted this on my other blog and then my other blog stopped working. Literally stopped working. I can't edit my posts. It also posted it below my previous posts over there, which is something I've never seen before. So I'm posting it here, too, cus nah nah nah nah nah. Clearly, someone or something does not want this out there. But I don't quit easily. Here begins my second attempt at writing about Elizabeth Smart and trauma-based mind control (TBMC). Who knew it would be such a colossal undertaking and fraught with unforeseen obstacles? Perhaps that is dramatic. I worked for two or three hours on a post Weebly decided to delete instead of post, which wasn't even the beginning of sorrows. I also sent myself an email with links I planned to use weeks ago, and the email disappeared. Since writing about TBMC on my old blog, I had a number of similar issues, and it seems the issues followed me. I'm not suggesting something nefarious is happening techn...