my careless contagion

Can't Buy me love is a f antastic humorous farse, an 80s movie about a nerd who gets to see what it's like to be one of the cool kids. The part that always got me was he somehow got to be with the hottest girl in school, the girl of his dreams, a girl described as not only out of his league but out of everyone's league. Wanna guess her name? Weird question? Her name is Cindy. When I watched this movie when I was in high school, the irony of that fact was lost on me, but it isn't now. I watched this movie so many times, I lost count. I love it.  From Wikipedia:  Can't Buy Me Love  is a 1987 American  teen   romantic comedy  film directed by  Steve Rash , [2]  starring  Patrick Dempsey  and  Amanda Peterson  in a story about a nerd at a high school in  Tucson, Arizona , who gives a cheerleader $1,000 to pretend to be his girlfriend for a month. The film takes its title from a  Beatles  song of the  same title ...

  I should have known when I liked Hey Jealousy by the Gin Blossoms in high school it had a wickedly sad backstory. You can read some of that here , if you'd like (it involves alcoholism, just as the term gin blossoms also refers to alcoholism, oh, and suicide). Instead of delving into that, like I did a few years ago, let's just post the lyrics and say something like, "This is how I feel about a particular girl and the intervening years wasted without her." There, long post is now short. And then here are the lyrics. (Yeah, this is another unscheduled post. Can't plan everything, right?) Permit me a moment of nostalgia. I don't do this often (ha). But wasn't the music in the 90s a lot richer and varied? Maybe I just had a lot more time on my hands. The music industry, though never perfect, seemed a lot healthier then. But that was before Napster and all of that. Still, the 2000s (or, if you prefer, aughts) was like a polar opposite with the packaged bubbl...

In photography, trends come and go. When I was still taking photos, I was taught to have the sun behind me, but that causes some problems for the subject. If the subject is people, often they are squinting into the sun. If you can place them in the shade, then you have harsh shadows. If the day is overcast, then that produces other problems. A recent trend is to shoot into the sun, often with it producing a flare behind the subject, illuminating them from behind. That's all well and good, but often the subject is partially hidden by shadows and partially blown out by bright light. And then there is bokeh, the near-circles that splatter the photo, which is how the lens shows things that are out of focus, which is a pretty cool effect. As with everything, too much of a good thing can sometimes be a bad thing.  This is where I point out the similarity with my life. Much of my life has been — though lived fully — out of focus. It's there. I know I experienced it. But I can...

What can I say about a woman of whom I've said too much already? A little bit more. Comparing our lives — the quality of which derived from our internal world — it's easy to see she is far and above this humble author. Cindy is decidedly too good for me. She is, seemingly without trying, what a Christian woman should be. To my eyes, it is effortless; she simply embodies many virtues. When I think of what a mother, wife, or what a woman should be, she always comes to mind. Thanks to her, I now know how a woman should be. Thanks to her, I now know how a woman should love. Thanks to her, I now know how to love, period. She has always been — and will always be — my measure of what is good and right and beautiful in a woman.  Photographs of us taken three years ago show the mismatch. I wore my Sturgis t-shirt, and she wore a TeamMates shirt. I wore more than that, though. (ha, yes, I was fully clothed) I wore the scars of a difficult life. She weathered her difficulties a...

Right now Nobody But You is at the top of the country charts. It's a pop-country love ballad, which means it's not much country. Blake Shelton's and Gwen Stefani's voices meld well. The song is slick, well-produced, and doesn't overstay its welcome. I've heard it quite a few times on the radio, and I never get tired of hearing it. But, perhaps, that is because it brings a certain woman to mind.  Some may feel sorry for me. Some may feel embarrassed I continue to feel the way I do about her. Some may tell me I should be ashamed of myself. But I think once you find the one you want to love, you love them regardless of the circumstances. Loving someone changes us, and I am changed. That girl has gone away, but my love will not go away. I don't want anyone else.  I don't think there is any harm in loving someone, even if they can't return your love. I am being honest and true. Anything else would be a lie, and I cannot live a lie. Though my reali...

Fishing used to mean a lot to me. I haven't been fishing in years. I'm pretty sure I can no longer tie a knot or pick the right lure or even cast correctly. But I have lots of memories of fishing. My ex-father-in-law was an avid fly fisherman, primarily in the Upper Peninsula. He even wrote a book about his experiences. He tried to teach me how to cast a flyrod. It is a delicate, dancing thing for which I had no patience. I was used to a different kind of fishing, the kind where you don't really catch stuff. No, I'm kidding. I caught my fair share of fish. And, once, I got to meet a guy my brother and I nicknamed "Rock Bass."  The above picture was taken at one of the many lakes in the Black Hills. I mentioned before my first fish was taken at picturesque Sylvan Lake. I'm not sure which lake is in this picture, but you can see the coffee can where I kept my worms. And that green tackle box? I still have it. It has tools in it now, one of ...

I remember the exact moment she came back into my life. It was December three years ago. I remember where I sat and the smile that spread across my face. I remember the warmth that suddenly coursed through me even though my body was trembling with cold.  I loved that girl with such beautiful hues — words dipped in aching, gasping, glorious color and spread across the widest canvas. Perhaps I got too involved, but love is an involving emotion. In all of my heart-pounding feelings, did I betray myself and create a love that didn't exist? I lost her an unspeakable number of times. I lost her every moment of every day and every night with every heartbeat after she left. Every day and week and month that went by and she was silent, that loss penetrated deeper in my bones. Still now, she is lost. Love is perfect, though sometimes imperfectly found. And, boy, did I love that girl. If I could do it again, I would, and a thousand times. If I had a thousand lives, I'd li...

Tim Mcgraw's song  Just to See You Smile  speaks to me. Or, perhaps, it speaks for me. It says what my heart says. Except for the first verse, that is. I've never been to Amarillo.  I would truly do anything to see that girl smile. Her smile lights up the room, sets a fire in my heart, gives me goosebumps, makes me forget all my years of heartache.  Some may say it's sad when you're not what someone wants. I could comment on that, but I won't. I've said so much about that girl, there really isn't anything left to say. I would have moved to her town already — just for the chance to see her once in a while — if I wasn't positive the very thought of that would terrify her. And if she had only put a fraction of the effort into me as she did her ex, I would have asked to marry her by now. Yes, that's surely even more terrifying to her. But, in the end, it didn't matter what I did, and it didn't matter what he did. I could do no right, and h...