my careless contagion

My favorite dog (a chihuahua) on TikTok recently passed away. I was filled with grief for the little creature and her people. Dogs mean a lot to mankind, and have for eons. They are wonderful animals, and earned the distinction "man's best friend" for a reason. We all know that. Here are some conclusions I came to about dogs, and there is a human application, as well, if you're so inclined.  For my work, I'm often in people's backyards, so naturally meet a lot of dogs. I think about them a lot. One principle is people's perception of their animals versus a stranger's perception. How many times was I told, "Oh, he's nice," only to have a dog attempt to tear me limb from limb? There is a dichotomy in that. Dogs are a protective force, fierce when protecting their people. It's their job. Always was, though we don't need them much for that anymore. They are loyal and gentle with their own but brutal toward outsiders. I qualify as an o...

I wrote these as separate posts but decided to combine them. Neither of them were finished. An explanation at the end.  This is an exploratory post. And a prayer. Bear with me. This post involves someone near and dear. I may or may not be correct about anything I write, but my intention is to understand her. She has been through so much. Our past experiences color reality and expectations for the future. It is with great tenderness that I explore this sensitive subject. The girl I write about is a survivor of domestic abuse. How many different ways she was mistreated I will never know, as she holds these things out of sight. My heart feels some of those things, though, because a part of her is in me. I understand, I think, a little of what she went through. I pray God helps me understand her completely. Truly, when I prayed to understand her years ago, the Lord gave me two books to read (one I read twice), which led me to fall further in love with her. I feel like I understand her ...

The photo above is heartbreaking. But that's how I feel. I am that dog. I look terrible and who would want me, but yet I have a purpose here on earth to fulfill. I have a job for a while and then I'll be gone.  I'm broken and beaten and scarred. Will someone take a chance on me?  People who experienced much trauma and abuse seem to heal best when they can help others. It's no wonder I've continually sought out opportunities like that, though I often proceed in a guarded manner. One of the biggest realizations I came to through writing this blog is how much PTSD has held me back from making decisions that lead to growth and healing. As with all major (and many minor) decisions, I've decided to give all my decisions to God, as I cannot be trusted to make the right decisions. I simply don't know what is best for me. That, unfortunately, is how I am programmed. There is a joke out there that says the biggest withdrawal symptom for recovering alcoholics and drug ...

Recently, I was sad to hear of the suicide death of Daisy Coleman, who was featured in the Netflix documentary Audrie & Daisy (2016). Audrie Pott killed herself in 2012, so both the girls are now dead. I recall watching the film and some themes stuck with me, which I will discuss. These girls were sexually assaulted, then victim-blamed and further traumatized by their communities after the fact. If you want to know the whole story, you can watch the documentary or read more online. The death of Daisy effectively ends this story, but it also brings up a lot of questions.  Audrie Pott Sexual assault is as old as the world. It's the image of a caveman bonking a girl on the head and dragging her back to his cave. We see it in King David's family (actually, his family was rife with sexual sins of all sorts), where Amnon raped his half-sister Tamar. The characteristic rapist progression is obsession followed by consummation, followed by disgust. We saw the same thing pl...

Disclaimer: If you feel you may be triggered by discussion of childhood abuse, sexual abuse, or anything akin to that, please know these are discussed in this post. I apologize in advance for the messy way this is written. This was a difficult thing to write. I'm writing strictly from my own perspective, however, I realize childhood trauma's effects look different in different people. All I know is myself, and that's all I can write about, so that's what will follow. Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) is a monster. An article here makes it clear it isn't going away; in fact, it has only proliferated in the digital age. So many kids have been traumatized by CSA, and, as they enter adulthood, they bring that trauma with them. I know this firsthand, as I was one of those kids.  Some of the stats for CSA are hard to comprehend. Some sources say up to 30% of men and up to 40% of women have experienced CSA. Those numbers are probably low if you factor in non-cont...