my careless contagion

Of whom the world was not worthy is a phrase that comes from the book of Hebrews. It describes a people mistreated and abused by the world yet beloved of God. They are the purest of God's creation and destined for a greater land than the miserable world they pass through here. The phrase is also a book published in 1978. I use it here to describe a certain woman who never ceases to amaze me. Who knows how long I will feel this way? Perhaps forever.  My feelings for her are stronger than they should be, considering my position. Considering what I've been through. Considering what little I held onto all those years. I chose her and have been smitten with her ever since. When we were children, I believed she was lovely. I remember her smile. I still think it's about the best thing about her. It gets me every time. But I didn't sit down today to write about a woman's smile.  Dear readers, you don't know what that woman has been through. I don't even know. I know...

We all face an unknown future every day. None of us are in control, though we think we are. We plan and go about our lives as if we are masters of the universe. I used to feel that way. The closer I walk with God, I realize I control nothing. Everything is given to me, especially the power to make wealth. All my material goods. My talents. Even my desire to seek God is given to me. My faith, even. Really, of what can I boast? I boast of God. I know that stuff. Yet, there are moments in life when it is impressed upon me more than usual. Maybe it's just the fact that I have a routine with which I am comfortable. A small, manageable life. Enough things to keep me occupied. Not too many. Not too few. In short, I'm comfortable. What happens when that comfort is taken away and I am faced with more unknowns?  That is where I am right now, with my old life stripped away and now entering a new life. Hey, I know God is in control. I gave Him everything I have, not for His sake (who would...

I chose this photo because it makes me feel happy. I'm choosing happiness. What could make a man happier than to be greeted by his dog and his girl? Who we surround ourselves with is an important aspect of the healing process. A recovering drug addict cannot hang out with his old druggie friends. He has to be with people who uplift and make him want to stay sober. I recently posted what my mom sent me called "Devotional: Healing the Brokenhearted," which was from Derek Prince Ministries. It spoke to my heart as only God can. So many things lately speak to my heart. My heart is listening. I prayed God would heal my heart. I prayed He would give me a new heart. I prayed He would change my heart. Change me. Everything I could think of. Finally, I simply gave my heart to Him. I gave up. And that's when I started to see change.  A huge part of the healing process involves forgiveness and the deeper the trauma, the more there is to forgive. I could recount for days the awfu...

Though I may have overshared on this platform (after all, someone may actually be reading), it has a purpose. I'm going to hold back a little because what God is doing is precious and I want to focus on it. Having said that, here is a very hopeful post. Let it soak into your heart. There is always hope when one seeks God. Some things happened recently that changed the trajectory of my life. This isn’t a gee-look-how-great-I’m-doing post. And I know how far I have to go. But, it is a step in the right direction. A big step.  When I thought of moving forward with a woman, I conjured the phrase "looking for a beautiful soul and a curious mind." Then I added she must protect my heart. Quite an important afterthought. Indeed, my Tumblr says something like "love letters to a beautiful soul," though that soul was never named. It was hopeful. Like she was out there somewhere. Maybe even looking for me.  I created a Tumblr account while going through my divorce. It helpe...

At the hoary age of 44, I've gained some knowledge and understanding. Which is good. I didn't always have much in my younger years. I'm reading the book of Proverbs during church services (actually more of a Bible study), which I've been holding weekly since December of last year. Proverbs is written to young men, but, naturally, everyone can benefit from reading it. I want my son to soak it up. I wish I had done the same when I was a young man. It would have saved me a ton of heartache. The last 25 years could have been the best of my life. Instead, they were filled with darkness and pain. I realize no one is likely reading this blog anymore. There is nothing I can do about that. This blog is my therapy, so will continue to write as I feel compelled. This post is possibly a counterpoint to my last post. It is logical and biblical.  I apologize in advance (if anyone actually reads here). This post is long and convoluted. It contains things that helped me process major d...