my careless contagion

Broken Bow, Nebraska. I moved there when I was 10 years old and moved away at 19. I saw a lot of changes in 9 years. I decided to take a trip there since I had some time and wanted to see if I could kick up anything from the past.  Sure, a lot of things came to mind. I started to recall some stuff right away. Some good, some bad. Some I wasn't sure what to do with. There certainly are some patterns that were set down here that persisted during my life, patterns for good and bad. I started reading my Bible as a boy in the house on the corner. I read that children's Bible until I bought my own. I used to play with my friend Geoff who lived next door. When I was told we were moving, I was watering my garden out back. I was told I could have another garden. I did. It was better, too. Sometimes change is hard, even if we're sure something will be better than what we have now. I'm still learning that.  We played basketball and football and baseball at that house. We had water...

It was time once again for a trip to Nebraska, this time to check out a little town and see if it would be a nice place to live. I made this trip with my ex and my son (who felt awful, the cause of which we never ascertained, half of the trip). It was an interesting trip. Good things and bad things happened. Shall we? We stayed in Kearney, "the Sandhill Crane capital of the world," at what I'm told is the finest place in town, EconoLodge. My son simply referred to it as "the Lodge." He was excited, even taking photos of all the rooms (all two). He especially liked the bathtub, since he doesn't have one at home. He also liked the blueberry muffins for breakfast. But we did more than lounge around the hotel room and take naps. We also visited places in town, namely the many parks. My son didn't feel well for most of our trip, but we managed to see some sights. We left in a driving rain, but the sun soon came out and left a rainbow before us.  But all was n...

My aunt Jane is my father's kid sister. I believe she's a half-sister (different mother). He also has a brother and another kid brother (half brother who is younger than me), all younger than he. That's my dad's side of the family. Pretty wild. But Aunt Jane was a force for good in my life.  She lived with my family I think after she was done with college and before she got married and had kids and all that. She paid attention to me and we had similar interests, so naturally, we had a lot of fun. Except for that time I took her perfume sprayer apart (I was always taking things apart). Aunt Jane is funny, quirky, has curly red hair, and loved all things artistic. The photo dump above shows us coloring something together. The last photo is reprising my role as Tiny Tim. By the way, our house was always trashed like this. I mean, stuff was everywhere. My parents' home is still a disaster. I suggested many times they have a garage sale to get rid of stuff (or many ...

Disclaimer: If you feel you may be triggered by discussion of childhood abuse, sexual abuse, or anything akin to that, please know these are discussed in this post. I apologize in advance for the messy way this is written. This was a difficult thing to write. I'm writing strictly from my own perspective, however, I realize childhood trauma's effects look different in different people. All I know is myself, and that's all I can write about, so that's what will follow. Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) is a monster. An article here makes it clear it isn't going away; in fact, it has only proliferated in the digital age. So many kids have been traumatized by CSA, and, as they enter adulthood, they bring that trauma with them. I know this firsthand, as I was one of those kids.  Some of the stats for CSA are hard to comprehend. Some sources say up to 30% of men and up to 40% of women have experienced CSA. Those numbers are probably low if you factor in non-cont...

Toxic relationships. It's fodder for songs (like the obvious and, frankly, glamorizing Toxic by Britney Spears) and movies and books. And my life, apparently. The reality is far less glamorous than any pop song, however. An article here at Hey Sigmund (a site with an obvious psychological bent) details how toxic relationships work. I had a conversation recently with someone when I realized that nearly all of my close relationships have been toxic, starting with my family, the basis for how I interact with the world.  Yes, I would consider my ex-wife to be a toxic person at times. But how did I agree to be in that kind of relationship? It goes back to my childhood experiences with my parents and brothers. The article mentioned above does a good job explaining how toxic relationships work, which was a head-nodding thing for me to read. Reading is believing. Sometimes we get so bogged down in our lives that we lose perspective. That outside perspective is what liberates u...