I forgive you

This post is addressed to a particular person who won't read it, as she permanently left of my life more than a year ago. However, forgiveness is, by its nature, selfish. This is for me. Because I made a public display of my affection for her and the outfall of whatever it was we had, I felt it necessary to make a public declaration of forgiveness. Again, this isn't for anyone but me. I must forgive. I do forgive. I have forgiven. I will forgive. As many times as it crosses my mind, I forgive. 

There were no words to describe what happened. It was the single biggest hurt of my already painful life. Some may say it wasn't that bad, but it's not on them to decide. The one who was hurt decides how they feel. It sent me to a primal, destructive place from which I am still returning. There is no doubt I loved her, and still there exists a residue of God's love in my heart for her, but my feelings were staunched long ago. It was the single saddest thing that happened to me. That's quite a footnote. I could have written a hundred better endings, but I was never given the pen. 

I pray daily for her, though I initially couldn't fathom why she did what she did, and though I will never see or hear from her again. There was no agenda, nothing to be gained by the love I showed, which I still show in prayer. 

***

The outfall of the long-running love affair on these pages (ending more than a year ago) looked like this (bro's production team needs to take it down a few notches), with anyone's guess as to the purpose. It was as the man described: painful and seemingly pointless. Life has those moments. People in the world are not immune. God's people experience it, too, but we have a better hope. A lot of Christians are going to be offended in the end times. Those who are battle hardened and tested will survive. The rest may walk away. So, be thankful, even for the stuff that doesn't make sense, because it all has a purpose in God's economy. Maybe I should write a book. What would my book look like? Perhaps Brice Taylor's book, the best I found which details the hows and whys of trauma-based mind control. Print copies can be expensive, if you find one.

Currently writing a long-winded post, which may eventually see the light of day, but my motivation scurried away. That rhymes. All I want to do is nap and eat chocolate-covered pretzels. I hope heaven has both. 

Thank you for reading. And God bless.

And my other blog, None Dare Call It Treason.  

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