Random retro stuff
This is one of my favorite things. I enjoy looking back at how awesome and wonderful and sometimes detestable our popular culture was. Care to follow along? Don't care? Okay, square. You can stay home and miss all the fun. Relax with a dizzying dazzle of towels after a hot shower and jump into an even more horrifying bed of patterns guaranteed to make your eyes hurt.
I know this is hard to read, but I have a point to make. Everything in the 70s had a pattern! Even toilet paper! Everything was colorful. And, often, the colors matched everything around it (a design faux pas now). In an era when everything is stainless steel, black, or white, it may seem strange. But it was glorious. For the record, my personal design philosophy (if I'm allowed to have one as a heterosexual male) is minimalistic and clean. Still, there is something endearing in these old designs.
What have you done. That's not even a question. I know what you've done. You've destroyed my appetite. At least it is wrapped in bacon, but the bacon appears uncooked. You want me to be sick. Don't try to freshen this hack of a meal with cucumbers, either, though I appreciate the time you took to skin the cucumbers. Back to the patterns.
I like this one. It tells you how easy it is and what it's for. Mom is clearly putting it on. And it's so her baby doesn't slip. But we have a foretaste of what the 70s was about: a slavish adherence to a chosen color scheme or pattern. Why confuse your eyes with more than one color? Or, conversely, why not confuse them with all the colors?
It goes well in kitchens, too! Also, who needs that many oranges? Boy, do those pop against the backdrop of a jungle of green.
This is the single most unappetizing thing I've ever seen. This is the opposite of love. This is pure hate for mankind. At least it was honest. That's what you got when you opened the wrapper.
I don't know what decade this is, but the addition of the blueberry muffin was probably necessary. And a little over the top. Now they're just showing off.
I don't know what spork or speef are. I don't even want to know. (I know. It's spiced.) And, are they putting sausages in a can? Like Vienna sausages? I think I have some of those on the shelf. In the basement. For eating quickly and with a large dose of shame after a really bad day and in a dark corner of the house where no one can see me.
They really liked making something look less ordinary than it was. This is just hot dogs. But now it isn't! Now it looks like really large, hairless, deep-fried caterpillars!
Did anyone believe this? I'm nothing but starch, but I'm not fattening. And, it bothers me that he has no nose. Don't trust a potato without a nose.
Yeah, these guys are not eating filet-o-fish. They're probably laughing at all the folks who choose that particular meal solution.
I include this photo because, well, I can. But, look how little checkout counters changed in 40-plus years. (Would it kill you to give the cashiers some freaking chairs? Would you like to stand literally all day on hard floors?) Back then, we didn't have the choice of paper or plastic, but was that really so bad? Do you think mom needed that extra decision? She had to cut up hot dogs to look like fantastical creatures when she got home. Give her a break. And what were the kids doing while all of this was going on?
Oh, just playing in an unsafe pool with a terrifying inflatable clown head. Get that thing away from me. It's amazing any of us survived. Shall we continue? How about more home decor?
This reminds me of something. I'm not sure what. My mind probably wants to protect me from whatever it is. What is the purpose of this thing? How can one even take a nap on that without being bent like a pretzel? It doesn't even look comfortable for sitting. What is it for? Maybe all the throw pillows are there to protect you from breaking your spine. Anyway, my son asked if these were pumpkins. I wish, young man. I wish.
This is just psychological torture. Even the chair looks like a torture device. (And why the random food at the foot of the bed?) This carries a theme way too far. Even the girl (who looks slightly out of it, perhaps dazed by the repeated patterns) reflects the same color scheme. Even the pillows are in on it!
That's gone too far! Even the drawer! And the drapes!
Here we see some variety ... of wallpaper. Why would you even want to go outside if you could live in such a bright and happy room? Maybe to stare at the sun so your eyes wouldn't hurt so much.
Meanwhile, mom is slaving away in this room of doom. This is so dark and cloistered it makes me feel panicky. Is it any surprise that quaaludes were so popular in the 70s? Calm down. Don't jump out the window. Take a quaalude. Is that carpet in the kitchen? Why am I still looking at this? Next!
These are actually pretty cool. Little orbs of light. I wish you could still readily buy these. And for that price!
It's not so bad. The salmon walls and white carpet. It probably didn't age well, but whatever. I just want to know what that thing is hanging above the framed photos. And why is it not hanging the opposite way so as to be in line with the slope of the ceiling? You just had to throw that ugly detail in there to rattle future generations.
A much happier kitchen. I love the bright and happy colors. But who is tending the peas?
This is all fine and good. I just have some questions. Why are they dressed up to eat at home? The table is set for four. And where are the other folks? Why are you eating before your guests! Okay, calm down. It looks like he's just cutting something. While staring down his lady. Like this, honey? Is this how I cut the ham? I love playing dress-up and house with you.
And another home scene. I can't even process everything that's going on. Is that a cow rug? What's with all the plants? Do you have a maid who waters them and a landscaper who cuts the carpet as well? Why is the rug a cow? Why does the dining room like a photo of hell? I don't know what those two are talking about, but she isn't entirely open. Maybe because he's sitting on something that isn't even a seat. That's how you break furniture, young man!
And that brings me to perhaps the most fun part of the 70s: fashion.
Those amoeba-like patterns. Those pants! Those colors!
Oof. Those colors ... or, that color, rather. It is a nice color, but, wow. This is the winter catalog. It does look very warm.
Hey, it's Christmas. I get it. Polyester suits for everyone.
I love corduroy! But this is quite a lot of it.
Sleepthings, indeed. I don't know what to call it either. The quilted numbers are my favorite.
Did your new friend tell you to dress like that? If so, they are not your friend.
When the trend of big glasses came back, I was pretty excited. I bet all the girlies who wore them didn't realize they were wearing a style their grandmothers likely wore.
Makeup for eyeglasses? Probably a short-lived trend. Makeup for ladies who wear eyeglasses I understand, though.
This I don't understand. That poor child. I hope the money from the photoshoot went to his therapy fund. And let's leave the fashion world on that note.
The Ford Pinto was different in a bad way. As in, it often exploded when rear-ended. Let's not talk about that difference, though. It was cute and is now a collector's item.
I liked the Monkees. I remember watching them on Saturday mornings. They were fun and irreverent and, well, fun. Hopefully, that's the spirit of this post, too. Did you have fun? No? This is probably my last foray into the past, then.
***
I'm sick as I finish this post. It isn't fun being sick, but it also means I don't have to do all the things on my t0-do list. I have two other posts ready to go. I also meant to record myself talking about what the Bible says about favoritism. (It was on my heart for some time.) But I'm too sick for that. Perhaps I'll write a post about that instead. Or just chill out on the couch while I ignore all the things I have to do.
I noticed the trees' buds are swelling. Could it be spring isn't far away? How can it be? It feels we've barely experienced winter. As I readily anticipate spring, God is also teaching me about His timing. I have many plans in my heart, but God directs my steps. Amen.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
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