Blast from the past! (part 62 or whatever)
Adopt-a-Nerds. It just bothers me this appears grammatically incorrect. Technically, it's not, because the name of the candy is Nerds, but it doesn't look right. Maybe that's the point. And why were they called nerds? Because they were unattractive? I ate a lot of them when I was a kid. Mixing the two flavors in the box was an art form.
Speaking of mistakes in advertising, check out the liquid in the bottle's top. It's wrong. It should be aligned with the horizon. Unless the bottle is in the process of moving, which it isn't, as she's using it to cool off in a sultry way. It's hard to believe such a glaring mistake could make it into final production, but here it is.
Did anyone else mix fountain drinks when they were a kid? Or at any time? I made some weird drinks and drank them all. My mom even did this recently at a restaurant, so maybe it never gets old. I like the vintage cups. And I think they're trying to make a play on words with "third base," but I'm not sure. But they didn't need to use a period.
I forgot which era this comes from, but it's probably close to the turn of the last century. That seat looks a bit uncomfortable in the front (as I'm sure any man will agree), but this looks like a great excursion. You can see a man in the background struggling to get his bike up the hill, but this chap has no such troubles. He's using a motorbike. There is such freedom in movement. Whenever I feel claustrophobic and stagnant, I try to find some sort of movement. Selling that movement is a brilliant and easy task.
Answering the question is easy. She uses laxatives or puts a finger down her throat. Maybe she just rides her horse all day and forgets to eat. It certainly isn't because she eats Grape Nuts (with orange juice), which are neither grapes nor nuts, a seeming paradox which confounded me as a child. Grape Nuts is nothing but carbs, and eating that is no was to keep the weight off.
I included this advert for a few reasons. First, it looks like she's naked in the jacuzzi. That seems a bit cheeky for the 80s, but the 80s was all about physical fitness and healthy bodies. Second, the name jacuzzi, which is a brand name, became the generic term, as well, similar to how we say Kleenex when we want a tissue. Also, there aren't many things that make me jealous, but when I see one of these in someone's backyard, I get that way. Having a jacuzzi someday is a noble goal. I pray God allows me to have one. Also, one of my childhood homes had a hot tub, which is perhaps a little-known fact. So, I guess I already got my wish.
I just love sandwiches. Some might call this a burger, but I am not the type to split hairs. Not many will go all out and put sliced onion on their sandwich, but I get that, too. I spent a lot of time recently making and enjoying braunschweiger sandwiches, complete with dark bread, grainy mustard, onion, Swiss cheese, a pickle on the side, and an NA beer. If I didn't live alone, I would rethink that potent combination and go for a different kind of sandwich.
First of all, that's not a steak. And here we go again with the onions, which is not a flavor most enjoy these days. Onion nuggets? Brilliant, but I bet those aren't on the menu now. I love onion rings and bold flavors, in general. But that is not a steak! I don't go to McDonald's, so someone will have to tell me if any of this survived the last few decades. I'm guessing the answer is no.
He may feel like a million, but he's also not anatomically correct. Either that, or he's quite cramped in those Jockeys.
That yassuh is a step away from a massuh. And that makes us a bit uncomfortable these days, doesn't it? Hey, but 7 Up. It is quite refreshing. I have quite a bit in my fridge.
There is nothing refreshing about this, though. A knit tank top? This guy did his best to carry the look with confidence, but I'm pretty sure he cried after taking that itchy thing off.
Speaking of crying, what in actuality is going on here? Nothing about this is remotely like a pizza, except, perhaps, the shape! This is not a good idea, and I'm sure serving this led to more than a few divorces and/or assault charges. I cannot forget this image fast enough.
No idea what this says, but it looks like a drug deal is going down. Which is pretty much how the whole of the 70s feels. That's probably how everybody made it through that decade. Which helps to explain some of the design choices that were made. And maybe even the chili pizza, which I will never mention again.
Yes, let me wash down this sinfully sugary breakfast with a sugary drink. What a grand idea. And then laugh at the carpet. (That means throw up, in case you're from Russia and want to take that literally.) And then maybe have a chili pizza later. It's no use. It wormed its way into my horrified brain. Now I will forever dream of and dread the dastardly chili pizza.
I don't even know what macrame is, but this is ... indescribable. I had a room when I was young that was quite bright and yellow like this, and it made me feel quite happy. So maybe that's all this is. Just very bright and happy. That child probably grew up to be inexplicably drawn to the color yellow.
I never understood the appeal of using a garbage disposal versus ... just throwing food scraps away. Like, you know you can just not put that down your drain, right? Don't get me wrong. I've used a garbage disposal. Even had to replace one with my own hands. But, really, what's wrong with just putting stuff in the trash and not using a weird chopping device that smells bad if you don't throw lemons or ice or whatever you're supposed to periodically throw down its gullet? It's an old idea that will likely be around forever. Because people really just like throwing a switch and throwing food scraps to the little, shiny teeth in the sink. I think.
I think everyone in the 70s was tripping. There is no other explanation. I love it. Don't get me wrong. But it was pretty much just a big mistake everyone kind of went with. Let's take our hallucination-inspired picnic set to the lake and feed the ducks. Or whatever that is. It's probably a hallucination, too. And enjoy our champagne, toast, and little else.
Honey, why don't you join me in the most emasculating bed in the most emasculating bedroom that ever existed? Why does it look like you're going to open the window and jump to a painful death? I really hope this guy had a man room in the basement where he cleaned his guns, smoked stogies, drank hard liquor, swore like a sailor, watched football with his war buddies, and ogled a Bettie Page pinup calendar. Cus this setup makes for a very unhappy man.
What's fun about this one is it's from about 100 years ago. Yep, those are garters. I love the 1920s. Everything about it. I love art deco and art nouveau. I love the old films and advertisements. Speakeasies. Gangsters. Flappers. Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald. All the characters. The jazz era. Gatsby. All that golden hope, whether it existed for real or only in our minds. What a beautiful delusion it all was.
Is it me or does that lady look demented? What is she looking at? Is she dreaming of shoving a knitting needle into her philandering husband's heart? Wow, okay. That went dark fast. She's probably just talking to one of her children. They're off at school. Telephones used to connect us to one another in a vital way. It's insane how that one device transformed into what it is today. There's really nothing we haven't asked it to do that it can't do. And now we probably wish it wouldn't connect us to the world as much as it does. Time to take up knitting and silence notifications perhaps?
I've never gotten a woman chocolates that elicited this response, but that's the power of advertising. Maybe I was buying the wrong chocolates.
The wording of this ... ain't right. They should have spent a little more time on it. And, really, the line at the bottom says you can do all the things you can do in your life in the Bahamas. Well, is that really a selling point? Hey, you can do all the stuff you normally do here. Normally, the draw is doing things that you can't do elsewhere, but okay. Come on beautiful. Into the foliage we go to do things we can do anywhere. I hope you brought your knitting needles.
Good question, but I also want to know who puts plates under bowls. And who uses clear bowls? And does anyone consider Rice Krispies nourishment? Plus, this lady has only one arm. At least she can do cool tricks with it.
Did they want this to look gay? I mean, okay, if that's what you want. You go, girl.
And then we have the antithesis of gay (before James Bond was recently forced into man-hating wokeness). I recall watching James Bond movies with my family when I was young (and that fact is both shameful and a little gross, and I haven't wanted to watch them since). I will never forget the entirely too suggestive character name Pussy Galore, for one thing. For the record, Sean Connery is the best Bond. No contest. His accent. The way he carried himself. He had some rough edges, as all men should. It's amazing how the societal construct of masculinity changed. Bond was a womanizing killer who had a lot of cool toys. Now, we have NBA and male Hollywood stars wearing dresses. In public. Flaunting a very different and fluid notion of masculinity, which isn't masculinity at all, if we're completely honest. Both concepts are flawed, of course, as God designed man to be something different from both extremes. What we see shapes us. What we consume forms us. What we watch becomes us. That's the power of celebrity culture. And that says a lot about where we're headed. As for me, I'm headed out. Thanks for tuning in. I can't wait to do it again! If nothing here made you laugh like Jon Hamm, well, that's probably a good thing. See you next time.
***
My father, who had triple-bypass heart surgery, is doing much better. His recovery is ongoing. I praise the Lord for all He's done. My dad is alive and well when he could have very well been dead.
I start rotating on-call with a coworker, so I will be able to travel outside my little bubble a bit more. Thank God for that.
Been seeing my friend Cindy a lot. I hope that continues. She's a blessing to me.
Another blessing. I was very blessed a few weeks ago to buy a new (used) vehicle. It's an Acura RDX (Advance Package), which is the smaller of Acura's SUVs. It's a good fit for me and so much fun to drive. I make excuses to use it just so I can dip into the throttle (it has the V6 instead of the turbo 4, as earlier models had) and chuck it into corners. It's the most technology-laden device I've ever owned. I'm still figuring it out. My son helped me pair my phone. I feel very blessed and humbled driving it. God is good to me. I hope it stays in the family a good, long time. As a tie-in to this post about advertising of old, Acura is a brand I often dreamed of owning when I was a younger man, though I envisioned owning a sedan or coupe with a manual (they didn't make SUVs then). It is one of the most enjoyable machines I've driven and lives up to the hype I imagined. Acura competes with other luxury brands like BMW, Mercedes-Benz, and Lexus, but it's on the sportier and more affordable side of the spectrum. For what it offers, it has a lot of value. It actually feels understated, too, which is good because I'm not a flashy guy. While it hurt to spend the money I saved, it's alright. I'm back in saving mode. I don't normally treat myself, but now I can see why people do that. (It's pretty cool when the rainy day you've been saving for actually comes.) Also, to the guy in the minivan who dared to race me from the stoplight, yeah, I let you win. I hope it felt as good to beat the guy in the Acura as it does to be the guy in the Acura. Perhaps we can race again on another lazy Sunday afternoon.
Take care, y'all.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
Christian blog: a-better-hope.blogspot.com
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