Back to the future (which makes about as much sense as the movie title)
I can't read what that says, but that bear sure has some stiff legs. I hope the flan helps him loosen up. We'll never know if his playmate shares her flan with him, but I'm pretty sure this is going to be a sticky mess regardless.
Okay, I get eating sardines. They're good for you and all, but this could not be a less appetizing image to promote a product that already has image problems. Is this guy in a dimly-lit cave? Is he hiding in the shadows under someone's eaves? Is he a cellar dweller? I don't know, but I hope I never see him and his meal again.
One of the things I noticed about old ads involving cans was how awkward a shape it is to make appealing. It's just a can. Putting it in the ad doesn't help sell the product.
I guarantee this child will not remember that image in a positive light. He's going to burn that photograph and possibly you with it in your wood-paneled basement.
How on earth did this crappy watch go for $25 back when $25 was a lot of money? Jay Ward (why didn't they capitalize his name?) was making a killing.
Big selling points here. Appealing to every man! Look what we offer! Manliness. A recreational, leisure-filled lifestyle. The admiration of women. Some massive sideburns. A seriously colorful sweater. And a look that says, "I'm missing absolutely nothing from my fabulous life. What could you possibly offer me? Oh, yes, some booze. Where am I again? The Sierras? The Rockies?"
And notice how we are advertising a product to women, especially impressionable, young women. A very different tactic. If you can read the type, you'll see they're appealing to young girls' desire to rebel in a small way. Your mother used XYZ sanitary napkins, so why don't you use ours? Be different from your mother. This is a pretty early example of approaching young people directly (who had no money at that age) and telling them to buy something they couldn't actually buy. They'd have to ask their parents (mom) for it. And that adds an element of friction to the mother-daughter relationship, which is often rocky at that age. Pretty bold. They're taking advantage of the well-known dynamic that exists between moms and teenage daughters. Psychology is so important in advertising.
How on earth is that compact? There is nothing compact about this cleaning system. Notice how advertisers often extoll a feature as a virtue when it is quite the opposite. Draw attention to it but say it's a good thing. You'll love it. Like this lady. She's gonna go take a quaalude and forget this cleaning nonsense.
This boy looks absolutely tortured to even be near those things. They're probably to blame for him becoming a criminal. How do I know he became a criminal? You can see the hate in his eyes. All that rage against the knots. This is where his path diverged and he embraced the dark path.
You thought those fancy leggings were a new idea? No, your mama and her friends (and perhaps your grandmama and her friends) were wearing them long before you! And rocking it! Probably okay the top didn't make it this far, though.
Another awkward can just hanging out. I just don't understand why this whole concoction is sitting on some rocks. We couldn't find a better backdrop for this? Most people don't spend much time looking at ads. A few seconds. Unless something really grabs our attention. Well, this grabbed mine. It almost took my attention away from the atrociousness of "Hunt'sauce," whatever the hell that means.
I swear this was a lazy man's idea. There is no other explanation. "But, honey, doing all those nasty dishes will make your hands softer!" Help that girl out. She'll have soft hands and a soft heart for you.
Even the frogs don't like this idea. Aunt Mary, what you doin'?
Advertisers will do anything to make their product culturally relevant, even attaching a Plymouth Barracuda to the hippie movement. That makes absolutely no sense to anyone but some stressed-out ad exec with a deadline to meet. "Just park it in some flowers, Fred; we gotta help Hunt's tomato people figure out something snappy for their new 'Hunt's sauce.' Maybe we'll just put those words together in an awkward way."
If they could only see us now. It's amazing how many people think their lives suck when they're holding the distant descendant of this thing in their hands. Like, man, if you didn't experience what life was like before all these cool gadgets, how can you possibly appreciate them and what they add to your life? Or maybe they don't add that much to our lives if we still feel sad when we have so much.
This is so confusing. We felt superior to Jessica Simpson when she asked if she was eating chicken or fish, but now I really don't know. (I personally think she knew exactly what she was doing. She ain't no dummy.) What's in that can, ma'am?
Man, if you're eating that part of the artichoke and not the heart, you're doing it wrong. I don't care how much Blue Bonnet you put on it, it's not going to end well.
I think this room is actually inspired by margarine. Holy biscuits! No sad thought are allowed in here. Only happy, sunny thoughts.
This looks like such a life-affirming scene, except for the lightning about to strike little Suzie. Notice no boys are using crayons in this scene. That's because they don't use crayons at this age. They eat them.
Why do these guys always look like they were up to no good? Did the photographer tell them to look like they were about to commit a crime or sexually harass someone? "Imagine Wendy standing by the punch bowl, guys. What's your move?"
Cigarette ads are so cringe, man. That's what you're thinking. But, really, she makes it look appealing. Except for being disembodied and all.
And this about wraps up this excursion down memory lane. I leave you with some sexual innuendo and a hammock with a pillow that says "Schlitz" about 600 times. Where do I get one of those? Maybe we'll find out next time. Take care, y'all!
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In other news, it sounds like I will be getting a small raise and job-title adjustment. Basically by default. But I'll take it. A blessing is a blessing, especially when I'm already doing what the job title specifies. Also, if you wouldn't mind praying, my supervisor, Jerry, needs prayer. His brother and aunt died recently and his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. It's a lot.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
Christian blog: a-better-hope.blogspot.com
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