August


It’s August

The sun shines brightly

The wind blows soft and warm

And reeks of summer’s fecundity


What I know and what I knew

Are strangers in the night

I’m enraptured by make believe

And outraged by reality

Such is summer


Some say August

Is summer’s last gasp

I say it feels like nothing

I’m supposed to have thoughts

Ideas and feelings

But they left me

Long before August


I was supposed to be something

Destined to be someone

But all I wanted was love

I would have run

To the edge of the world for it


It was never there

No matter the season

Now it’s late

Far too late

She’s gone and I am too

As the song says


Some things you can never get back

Like the happiness in her voice

Before whatever happened happened

Long before August

Long before now


Writers write because

They want to capture something

Or someone

Something they’re missing

Or never even had

But they want it back all the same


I write because it is August

All this time I felt I lost her

But the truth is sadder

She lost me

Long before August


August is summer’s end

I feel it

Like a reminder of the last time I saw her

Like the time the line went dead

And we were both so sad

I know winter is coming

But it can’t be crueler than August


So, I will be happy

In these waning moments

Just me and the breeze

One of us oblivious

The other thinking of her

And how she lost him so long ago


How many Augusts lay between us?

It’s always

One more August

***

For those who doubt the road I'm on, I say let a man have his illusions, if illusions keep him  alive. I understand many things. I'm not blind. I'm not deluded. I know my chances are lower than they've ever been. Nearly nonexistent. But my heart is patient. It always believes, and she's always just around the next corner. "Hope springs eternal," they say. When I look into her eyes, I believe that's true. I know how things will likely play out, but I also know I am drawn to her. It's hard to explain. But it's all I want. I'm an old man now, and a simple man. I crave simple things. Being near her is what I want for however long I have left. If you think I'm crazy, I'd have to agree. I know some things aren't going to happen. Nevertheless, being close to her means everything to me. Being anything to her — friendship or not — would be an honor. I've said enough about this. Those who understand already understand. Those who don't will probably never understand. It's not up to me to convince the world — or even her. I know. And that is more than enough. I don't know what happened to me along this journey, but I am changed. I am a better man for knowing her. And I want to keep growing. God willing.

I may switch gears and write about different things like things I find funny or strange. Let me know if you think that sounds like interesting reading. After more than 500 posts, it feels I need to branch out. 

Thank you for reading, and God bless.

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