my careless contagion

This list could literally go on for days. But here's part two of the many things that make me smile! Memes. Duh. They're funny. Except for the ones that aren't. Those are dumb. Neil Diamond. He must have been on the radio at a lot when I was in the womb; that's my theory — I must have thought he was my dad or something. I just love the man and all of his music (except his Christmas album; he's a Jew, for golly's sake). I saw him perform live once, actually, in Columbus, Ohio. He had a really bad cold or something so he sounded like a monster. Not even kidding. The venue had to refund a lot of tickets. I loved it anyway.  John Denver. I may as well just say, "a lot of musicians like Neil Diamond and John Denver; you know, from that era." Throw Jim Croce in there. I melt every time Stevie Wonder gets airplay. I love so much of that old music. Can you tell I was born in the '70s? In fact ... The 1970s. I love this decade. I love the ha...

Keanu can make anyone smile. He's the internet's boyfriend. I've spent so much time nailing down problems in my life, trying to understand them, trying to move through very hard situations, that I've become very tired of that process. Writing about all of that usually comes at the end of that process, so by that time, I'm really tired of it. So, let's talk about something else.  I read recently that men are more emotionally closer to their dogs than people. Truly, a dog is a man's best friend. I have thought a lot lately about getting a dog, but my life may change again, and soon, so I don't want to bring an animal into an unstable environment. Dogs are creatures of habit, and they get stressed out when things change a lot. Hey, I get it. I'm that way too.  So, maybe I can't have a dog right now. But, what else can put a smile on my face? What brightens my day? Be it big or be it small, there are many things that put me in a better mood....

Joey, as I recall, actually looked a bit like James Dean. Joey was his name. I know he was Indian (dot, not feather), and I think he lived in Columbus. I had moved in with my girlfriend, Kate, that summer. We got our own place. I remember holding her as she cried because there were dead cockroaches in the cupboards and the fridge smelled like paint (we got it replaced). I said we'd make the place ours. These were little things. The important thing was we were doing it together.  She cheated on me with Joey, a guy she met on IRC, the same place she met me. I took her to the bus stop and picked her up from the bus stop, her mood quite different upon her return. I must have been incredibly stupid to think she was going to just hang out and have dinner with someone. He got her off. She didn't return the favor. That sounds about right for her. I should have kicked her out when she told me what happened, but instead I slept on the floor in the other room, my little bed trample...

Perhaps I've been unclear. In all these lines, have I obscured the truth? Let me cut to the chase and clarify. This is my last post about this until time expires. If this is maddening to me, then I'm sure it's at least confusing and annoying for everyone else. Her name is Cindy. She came into my life unexpectedly. Love blossomed unexpectedly. I didn't expect her to stay, which is the only thing I saw coming (or, going, as the case may be).  I never wanted her to get divorced. There, I said it. I did not foresee her getting a divorce, nor did I want that for her. But, why, you ask; if you're in love with a woman, wouldn't you want to be with her? I can be in love with her and not be with her. If a man truly loves a woman, he wants her to be happy, and divorce is the opposite of happiness. I didn't want to see her go through that, nor did I want to see her children go through that, and even her ex, even though my humble opinion is he doesn't deserv...

It's hard to explain what goes on inside our heads. We can talk all day long, but if those we talk to have no experience with the weirdness that's so familiar to us, then it's no use. I have struggled most of my life with what I perceive as normal and my inability to be normal (but I insist normal does not exist). Around the age of 30, I decided it was a fruitless endeavor and nearly impossible to change my core personality or ensconced behaviors.  Years ago, I read a book about the power of being an introvert. It made sense, and it even stated that most people in this world are introverts (about 60 percent), but most will not self-identify as introverts. The trouble with being an introvert is we are often undervalued, especially in American culture, where the extrovert rules. And an introvert in America looks very different from an introvert in, say, the United Kingdom. That's the influence of culture.  Every personality type has things that exhaust and ...

Future Keanu is way cooler than Future Joshua. Today is my birthday. I'm 42. Birthdays sometimes lend themselves to contemplation. Once I start doing that, it's easy to get caught up in the drama of the past. After a great disturbance (just like a storm that blows over), it's helpful to put your life in perspective and rest. Then, you begin to ask yourself, "What next?" What does Future Joshua look like? I've been gifted with yet another life reboot. Not everyone gets to start over again as I have. In some ways, it is very tiring (exhausting, really), and in other ways, it is refreshing. There are many big decisions I simply can't handle right now. But that doesn't stop me from wondering and hoping. So, what am I looking forward to?  I feel it's overdue that I settle down somewhere. I'm not looking forward to moving, however, but I want to lay my head down in a place that feels more permanent, a place I haven't rejected as my home...

  Clint Black's 1989 debut album featured the debut single — A Better Man (for which I found perhaps the original video!). I've heard this song countless times. It's safe to say it's a classic, especially because it continues to get airplay 30 years after its release. And it echoes the sentiment I carry in my heart for Cindy, the girl who gave me the greatest love story of my life.   What do I like about this song? It's simple and accessible. It's not overwrought. And it's an honest assessment of a relationship that is no more. It's an all-around good song, and it clearly defines how I feel about the woman I continue to love.  I could not have found a purer soul to fall in love with. I could not have found a woman more perfect for me. Though I'm no longer upset and distressed because our relationship ended, it goes without saying I wish it hadn't. I miss her. I always have. And always will. She felt like the missing piece. Without her, I ...