my careless contagion

My Sweet Lady by John Denver can be heard all around us, from mundane to special moments. You hear it at the grocery store as you browse the produce section. And it is a perennial wedding song. You may even hear it at birthday parties for dogs (cus people actually have those, which still amazes me, since I don't even celebrate my own birthday). Played millions of times since its release in 1971, it is part of the cultural ether. And that's a good thing because it is a sweet song. I dedicate this post to a certain woman. How long will I continue to write about her? How many more John Denver songs do I have? I can't do this forever, I know. Regardless of her circumstances and mine, though, I still seem to want to write these love letters, at least for a time. Everything has a beginning and an end, including me. Nothing lasts forever. So enjoy, if you're into this sort of thing. I chose this version over others even though it is slower. Why? Because he nailed it. He lays i...

I wrote an awful lot here. I wrote about love and loss and my dark desire for fruitcake. I loved. I lost. I ate fruitcake. That kinda sums it up, huh? Yeah, but I still have some hopes.  My hope for the girl I loved so hard is she simply follows the Lord's leading, and I know she will. She is a very special person. God is moving through her. I've seen this in many people's lives, including my own, but there is a second life that begins at age 40. I see it happen most with people who are of faith. There is a bondage and a wandering of sorts sometimes in the first 4o years, and then God brings them into the promised land. I've seen it many times. You can call me crazy if you want. Maybe it has applies here; maybe it doesn't. But I know she will follow her Lord to the end. And He has something very special planned for her. And I have many hopes. I believe God has someone for her, though she may not know who it is yet. Maybe he's already in her life. But he's th...

Scottsbluff, Neb., is in a neat area of Western Nebraska. You have the cool rock formations, of course, but you also have Wildcat Hills State Recreation Area, which I've wanted to visit for years. You can just imagine the pioneers traveling through here to greater destinations out west, many perishing along the way. The place is rich in history, but I wonder how many stop and check it out as they fly by in their cars to some other place. I was in Scottsbluff Friday, March 12, but not to see the sights. And it was a beautiful and warm day in spite of the forecast for up to 40 inches of snow that weekend. But I wasn't just enjoying the weather.  I was there to get a new vehicle. (Yes, I've gone through a lot of vehicles lately, but my life is unstable in many ways.) There is a reason why my last four vehicles I decided to sell myself. ( Selling my vehicle this time seemed like a hassle I didn't need, so I went the quick route and did a KBB instant cash sale.)  Dealing wit...

The fruit of the spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23 are listed above. Grammatically, they are listed in the verses as one entity, but they are nine distinct properties. Rarely does one person exhibit all these fruits of the Holy Spirit. Or they do so only for a time. The fruit of the spirit is born out of labor. It isn't free. It doesn't just happen. We have to work to bring it forth, just as we have to tend to our trees and plants to make them produce. Much labor brings forth fruit.  The woman I was in love with consistently exhibited many of these characteristics through the years. As long as I knew her, she was like that. Not only did she exemplify the virtuous woman in Proverbs, but she also exhibited many of the fruits listed in Galatians 5:22-23. This further reinforces what I feel about her being a treasure for any man. It certainly makes her a wonderful role model for her children and ex-husband, as well as many others.  Of course, I know no one is perfect. But you'...

  Here I am again, mining an old John Denver song and trying to repackage it with my own sentiments. If I'm anything, I'm just very sorry. But first, the lyrics. It's cold here in the city It always seems that way And I've been thinking about you almost every day Thinking about the good times Thinking about the rain Thinking about how bad it feels alone again I'm sorry for the way things are in China I'm sorry things ain't what they used to be But more than anything else I'm sorry for myself 'Cause you're not here with me Our friends all ask about you And I say you're doing fine And I expect to hear from you almost anytime But they all know I'm crying And I can't sleep at night They all know I'm dying down deep inside I'm sorry for all the lies I told you I'm sorry for the things I didn't say But more than anything else I'm sorry for myself I can't believe you went away I'm sorry if I took some things for g...

I posted this on my other blog, but I felt the urge to post here as well because I want to get this out there in as many ways as possible.  As believers, we know Jesus Christ won the most amazing spiritual victory for the entire world at Calvary. We know it was also at a tremendous cost. The devil surely thought he won by killing the Savior of the world, but little did he know he just unleashed a literal flood of grace upon all of humanity. Before Calvary, only the Jews received God's favor. After Calvary, all of mankind was included. Salvation was available for all. The devil worked so hard to ensure his own defeat. What a beautiful thing. But what an ugly process. The below is a blow-by-blow attempt to describe the death of Jesus Christ by a doctor.  The original post was found here . I cannot think of what Jesus did for me without weeping, and this is no exception. I post it here because all Christians must understand the incredible cost and brutality of what Jesus endured....

I like these kids. Justin and Claire (formerly Spivey) Duggar . I like kinda following what they're doing, and what they did recently was get married. If you don't know who the Duggars are, you are forgiven. They aren't Hollywood famous. For me, they seem the antithesis of a lot of the crap out there. They're young. They're adorable. They have their whole lives ahead of them. (What I wouldn't give to go back and do it again.) They typically hew to traditional, Christian standards of living. They are Baptist, though a different brand of Baptist from me. They're famous because there are so many of them (19 Kids and Counting was the show). They are TV famous. All that. But I don't care about that. I just like the fact that these two kids are gonna give it a try. In this very cynical world that is endlessly divided and increasingly turned against tradition and Christianity, they are going against the grain. Got married. Probably love God and all that. How pu...

Let's start with a joke! Was it funny? I guess that depends on your sense of humor. Many will laugh because the punchline is unexpected. Unexpected things make us laugh for some reason. It made me laugh, and perhaps because the girl appears Slavic, and they are known for having a rather severe take on reality (no BS). So, here I am in a tank top, dude .  Two things have been tangled in my thoughts for some time. The first is what I feel God answered about the girl and my missed opportunity. I feel He told me to move to where she lives last summer, but I did not. I was disobedient because I was scared of a non-existent pandemic. I didn't know how that would play out, but all things are in God's hands. I believe if I had been obedient, it is possible we would have eventually been together and He would have blessed us. Maybe I'm just hanging onto my delusion, but that's what I feel in my spirit. (She probably disagrees, but all I know is what I feel God said.) It doesn...

I wrote the main section a while ago. Tacked some thoughts on the end recently. *** My dearest. For someone who is not in my life — and hasn't been — I think about her far too much and far too often.  For a man used to running from women, how did I end up like this? How did one little girl suspend my aged logic? How did one girl manage to turn everything upside down?  S he tamed me.  I was wild. I was free. But she made me hers.  I don't think she understands how suddenly nervous I become when I am near her, how awfully dry my mouth gets, how my brain freezes and I become dumb, the words won't come, my hands start shaking, and I become strangely and uncontrollably emotional, like tearing up talking about any stupid thing. I wonder what is wrong with me, why I am so off. This isn't me! Who is this idiot? What makes a man like this? What tears through his bravado so easily, rendering him naked? To stand in front of the woman you love with a naked heart is something rar...