my careless contagion

I'm tired. Yes, I've written an awful lot lately, so I'm tired of writing. I'll finish out my photo memories series and then probably take a break.  But my tiredness is something else, too. I've fought most of my life against what is now happening in my country and around the world. I am a warrior, but I don't wrestle with flesh and blood. It is a purely spiritual battle, though we see the effects of that battle in the physical realm. Right now, God's people are not winning the battle. Yes, some days offer good news. Most days, however, are a draining parade of bad news.  This battle will probably kill me eventually. I've begged God to give me strength and a reason to continue. That reason appears to be my son. I want to see him grow up and have children of his own. I want to grow old and die a natural death. I want the same for him. That's my prayer.  When a man becomes involved in spiritual warfare, the enemy never forgets. Though that man...

Yeah, Taylor Swift does it again. I've been listening to this song for a while now. It's a little endearing seeing Taylor not smile. In fact, the whole song is endearing. I understand the delicate feeling she's talking about. I'm sure I'm putting my own meaning into it. That's okay. That's what I do. There is a tired feeling to this song. Tired of relationships not working. Tired of being alone. I don't know. I'm staring down the other side of the hill and I feel like I'm picking up speed. On my tombstone, it will say, "He was okay. Also, he was really tired."  My reputation is crap. I tried to do the right thing during my separation and divorce. I didn't want to regret anything. I didn't pay attention to the public side of my divorce because I figured it wasn't anyone's business. That's where I lost. It figures that not only was I traumatized by my relationship, but traumatized by what I had to accomplish ...

I'm so tired of being tired. I just want it all to end. If there's no Great Beginning and no Great Perhaps, then that's alright. I just need to lay down and not get up again. This is me walking away.  Nothing makes sense anymore; I've only tried to do what's best, what's right. I never said I was perfect. I'm sorry for my mistakes and missteps; if I could walk them back I would. I've led a pretty decent life, and it's okay to let it go. So, this is me letting go. When we broke, I broke too, and that's not like me. I don't break like this, not over a girl. But you're not just an ordinary girl. You're the girl I want. If I had done one good thing for you, maybe it would be okay. I couldn't help but ruin a beautiful thing. I couldn't help but ruin you. This is me saying I'm sorry. I'd take the pain from your eyes if I could. I'd take the pieces of your heart and mend them, even if it took me a thous...