my careless contagion

This song doesn't get enough credit, nor does the singer. Michelle Branch is still popular and produces new material. Her personal life is a subject of interest, as she was married to a man many (actually, just me) considered a handler of sorts. It was an odd relationship. She got divorced and married a different man, at one point accusing him of infidelity and slapping him during an argument, ending with her being charged with domestic assault. I'm sorry, but a woman slapping a man because he may or may not have cheated on her? Drop those charges, bro. That's not domestic assault. That little girl couldn't assault an avocado. You're a weenie. But, anyway.  This song was released in early 2002 during a period when music like this was still popular. It almost has a 90s-song feel, which I like. It has angst, good production, some visual effects, and a pretty girl who can actually sing. The song is important because of the subject matter, which involves a couple in a r...

I like these kids. Justin and Claire (formerly Spivey) Duggar . I like kinda following what they're doing, and what they did recently was get married. If you don't know who the Duggars are, you are forgiven. They aren't Hollywood famous. For me, they seem the antithesis of a lot of the crap out there. They're young. They're adorable. They have their whole lives ahead of them. (What I wouldn't give to go back and do it again.) They typically hew to traditional, Christian standards of living. They are Baptist, though a different brand of Baptist from me. They're famous because there are so many of them (19 Kids and Counting was the show). They are TV famous. All that. But I don't care about that. I just like the fact that these two kids are gonna give it a try. In this very cynical world that is endlessly divided and increasingly turned against tradition and Christianity, they are going against the grain. Got married. Probably love God and all that. How pu...

They say you can judge the real power of a man by the size of the smile of the woman next to him. And I see you beaming as you approach him. It's your wedding day. You're more beautiful than I remember.  I'm so glad (and apprehensive) you invited me to your wedding. To see your man's hands tremble slightly as you walk your floating-on-air way of walking to him, your eyes locked, it's so special and so perfect.  As he says his vows, I hear a little tremble in his voice. There is excitement, but there is also a wall of emotion pushing against his vocal cords; it's rivulets of feeling I hear. I can tell he loves you, but so much bigger than that. He knows he's found a precious thing in you, and he is more than ready to say that word "forever," even though we all know there is no such thing. Standing where I am, I see you blushing. Even your ears have turned red. There is a rushing in you, too, that begs to meet his rushing. When you're al...

This article. I read this at work and wanted to bawl. Go ahead and read it. It's about an old, married couple who died 33 hours apart. When you've been married 68 years and grew up together, being without that person feels like dying anyway. So when they leave for good, you follow them too. This story really touched me, so I'm sharing it. They were one person. I think that's rare in this world, at least it is now. Everyone has their own agenda now. Theirs is the kind of relationship I wanted, and now I'm staring at a future that is very lonely. Staying with one person — that one person who makes you feel alive and complete and happy your whole life — that's what I wanted. Yes, I know there are hard times, you don't have to tell me that, but how you feel about that person doesn't change. That's special. I feel my life has been incredibly unfair and unkind. I try not to complain, but, still, it's there in front of me. And, on top of that, I...

How do I tell her how irreplaceable she is? How do I tell her without sounding trite or cumbersome? Words cannot convey the waves of gratitude I feel. Saying I love her does not suffice. I can show her, but that, too, is soon outgrown.  God will have to show me how to protect and appraise her. How do I show love to someone I love so much? I am just a man, yet I carry an electric current of feelings for her. How do I tell her when I think of making love to a woman, I think only of her, and the thought of being with any other woman makes me sick inside? When I walk with her and when I talk with her, I will be blind to all other women. I will see them. But not really. They will be obstacles I cannot run into like extras on a movie set. You see, she was the good girl who took care of things — the house, the kids, the finances, the family portraits, everything — while her husband was chasing women, often long into the night. While she laid awake wondering where he was and who he...

Divorce changed me. I mean, that was the point. It was supposed to change my life, but something else happened along the way.  It's been more than six years (seven years?) since I first breathed those words out, "I'm going to leave you," to my now ex-wife. The things I've gone through in that time — first trying to save the sinking ship of my marriage and then setting the damn thing on fire — have penetrated into the very core of my being. There are phases of grief. We all know that. You don't really think about them as you're going through them, though; you just don't have that kind of perspective. It's not a linear process, but a back and forth, messy thing sometimes. But, after six years of having a heart "like a crime scene," today I feel at peace.  A divorce is like a war, but a war no one wins. It doesn't matter who came out better in the end. It doesn't matter what was lost or who got the couch (I still miss that c...

  I can see it as clear as my reflection in the mirror. It's you and me, sweet girl, making our run for it. From the church, past the people, and into the sunshine. It's you and me, and it's the story I've been aching to write — our story.  We drive into that breezy, balmy morning, away from all of that noise. It's just you and me for a moment, dear, as I park the car and we both stop, our hearts still pounding like the rain on a tin roof. Our eyes meet, and it hits us like the first peals of thunder. This is it, honey, and for the rest of our lives. This is the moment we've been waiting for. I belong to you and you belong to me.  Your face is blushing and my hands are shaking, and I can barely see straight because it's all happening too fast. I just want to slow it down, you know, and make it last. It's slipping away, and I'm grasping at it, and it's almost gone again ... until I realize you're not going anywhere. You've just pro...

I wish my parents had divorced. That may seem like a strange statement, I admit.  This month, my parents marked their 50th wedding anniversary. That's quite a milestone, especially for a relationship so fraught with difficulties.  One thing parents do for their kids is teaching them how something is done. How do you live your life? Chances are you learned most of it from your parents. Parents think their words carry more weight with their children, but the most effective way they teach their kids is by their example.   I don't want to spend a lot of time dwelling on the psychology of why my parents got together in the first place, but I do need to sketch some things out. My parents met in college on a blind date. My dad was a jerk, but he called my mom later and was a different person so she gave him another chance. She thought, erroneously, that because my father was not good enough for her he would treat her well. That seems like a poor dynamic for any re...

Guard your heart. Out of it flows the issues of life, we're told. Your heart is described as the center of your being. It's your core, your essence. With all of it, we are supposed to love the Lord our God.  My heart had drifted from my ex-wife many years ago. It's safe to say I loved her, but she did everything she could to defeat that love. To protect myself and my heart, I started to float free. Eventually, I imagined life without her. Those imaginings turned into pleadings and a desperate need to leave, which I eventually did. When I met a certain woman, it was, as we called it, "a slippery slope." We fell headlong into each other, and it was ridiculously good. Until it wasn't. We were both married, me deeply unhappily so. I cannot say how she felt about her husband at the time, but I do know she loved him much more than I loved my wife, and much more than any man could ever expect to be loved.  Our relationship ended before we ended our m...

*I loved this album by The Killers when it came out. The whole album -- their first -- reminded me of the music during the 80s, which was more interesting than so much that was on the radio in 2004. The keyboards were a dead giveaway that they were paying homage to some of the 80s sounds. I still like this song. Unfortunately, my mind goes to a dark place when I hear it. It's me trying to put a spin on a bad situation, a bad relationship, bad memories. Sitting here now, I realize that I waited much too long to extract myself from that relationship, that it did permanent, irreparable damage to my self-esteem which was already low.  I shouldn't have understood this song as well as I did. I got the jealousy part, although I didn't recognize it as jealousy. I was in a relationship where I just couldn't have the girl in her totality; she always belonged to someone else as much or more than me. There were always men she was involved with (and sometimes girls). I was si...