my careless contagion

Notes on a girl. Much of the information is several years or even decades old. This is how I remember her. I don't want to misrepresent her but also feel an explanation is in order for why I persisted in chasing her so long. Some of this is speculative. I will always see her as perfect. What I seek to show is the woman I fell in love with, the woman I chased, and the woman I still love. She always seemed out of my league. I never sought to bring her to my level but, rather, rise to hers. (Started writing this in August. I truly loved writing about her.) I knew her since we were 10 years old when I moved to her town over Christmas break. I recall teasing her about her hair, which she braided one day, calling her Laura Ingalls Wilder, perhaps because I used to watch Little House on the Prairie and one of the girls had braided hair. She was always near, maybe because we were often seated by last names and ours both began with N. She seemed responsive and friendly. I was in a new schoo...

So, welcome back. I'm working on another post about a girl I chased for years. Some things I need to talk about first. Life is primarily about chasing two things: food and procreation. I didn't want to eat her and procreation was out of the question since we're both too old. What was it that drew me to her so long? What draws me still? Was it some basic, caveman urge to have her to myself? Was it a spiritual bond that seemed to go only one way? What tied me to her on a level I couldn't reach? Was it simple love? Or a deep admiration? An unwillingness to let go of something of great value? Maybe all of it. Maybe something else. But I will try to explain later.  What I need to talk about first is the art of chasing a female, which I'm admittedly not good at. Even if I was, I don't think it would have mattered. I honestly thought she wanted to move forward with me for a minute. Not sure what happened. Or if I imagined it. She didn't remember my birthday this ye...

Back to You by Selena Gomez seems like a typical pop song. It has some really strange pauses, which is really annoying. The video reminds me of a weird French movie or something, which is also annoying. The video is saying that the boy and girl will choose the same adventure they chose to abandon.  Since I've had so much time to think about these things, I may as well put as many down as I have time to write. Here's another art-imitating-life or life-imitating-art kind of things. How many people truly have someone they are still in love with but have no contact with? I think about myself, then I pause and consider all of the people I have known. Surely I'm not alone in this strange fixation. My heart loves a girl who is not mine. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm simply asking, "How alone am I?" About two years ago, a woman messaged me on Facebook. She was asking about my oldest brother. The backstory is she was the reason my family moved from...