Retro revisited (a farewell)
If you're anything like me, you're lounging around your hallways and living spaces right now in an outfit just like this. It's hot out, but you're even hotter. Way to look, man! You're living, laughing, and loving stylishly, my friend. Come along for the ride. This may be the last retro post, so enjoy while you can.
My all-time favorite styles are art deco and art nouveau. I believe Alphonse Mucha was brilliant and will always be remembered as emblematic of the art nouveau style, though he didn't want to be associated with art nouveau. The above is art deco. I simply love it. The grace. The modernity. The boldness. The shininess. The sensuality. For something stationary and two-dimensional, it has motion and depth. It's absolutely enrapturing for an amateur art nerd like me.
It's nice to think of times when life was supposedly simpler. Not easier, mind you. But, most likely, they were simpler. Like the age during which I grew up. Even the 90s were seemingly simpler than right now. The internet was blooming, the economy was bustling, we didn't have the constant attention suck that is social media, etc. You could go to the mall and buy a book and go home and read that book and that was a pretty darn good day. And Bay Watch was on. Heck yeah. I think the above is a cigarette ad. I like it. It's a stolen moment. A feeling. A gesture. And those socks and trousers should be brought back! I'm not keen on short hair on a girl, but the flappers did it well.
What a peaceful, wholesome scene. Don't remember Pebeco toothpaste? Neither do I. It must have been some time ago, because toothpaste has always been one word in my lifetime. And that's quite a nightgown. I like the little kitty contemplating his night ahead. What fun he'll have frolicking in the moonlight.
In case you're in need of something new and exciting to drink, try beef broth on ice. Okay, it's not new and probably not exciting, but it's delicious, for sure. Your kids would love it after their next sporting event! I'll try it the next time I get home from a particularly exhausting day of my blue-collar existence. I'll let you know how it goes.
Want something else to slake your thirst? There's Fanta, which I know because of the most annoying commercial ever. And, well, they're available at just about every Mexican restaurant and store. Fanta is pretty good. It came to life in Germany in 1940 as a Coca Cola alternative. Apparently, they couldn't get Coke because of the war. And the rest is history, or something. What else is good to drink?
Fun fact about Kool-Aid is it was originally called Fruit Smack about 100 years ago when it was invented. Also, it was created in Hastings, Nebraska, not far from where I live. There is even a Kool-Aid exhibit at the Hastings Museum. I can't say whether it is better than soda, but it is a bit different. And it stains your mouth cool colors, which every kid knows. The mascot is a little scary, bursting into homes and all, but he's just looking for the party. Now we know that those artificial colors cause behavioral problems in children, but back then we all had behavioral problems. We called it childhood.
Ever notice how many men have an obsession with women's feet, ankles, and/or legs? It's a peculiar thing to me since I never had that obsession. I think when you love someone you tend to love all of them. I can understand that. But just focusing on one area of a woman's body is strange. Anyway, let's look at some women's ankles! I have no idea why these shoes were called Hush Puppies or why the basset hound was chosen as the mascot. It may be an interesting story, but I will probably never know. "It is reported that the name was coined by Jim Muir, the company's Sales Manager. He noticed that a friend's dogs were quietened by giving them corn hush puppies and, knowing that aching feet were called barking dogs, thought that 'Hush Puppies' would be a good name for the shoes." Actually, I looked it up so now we all know. You're welcome, dear reader.
I don't think any advertisement for ice cream has EVER failed. Do people even need advertisements to be enticed to buy delicious, creamy, sweet dairy treats like ice cream? No. Wasted ad money. I personally love strawberry, which is also the best flavor for shakes.
I have no idea what this has to do with anything, honestly. They are selling little cigars (cigarillos). What the hell are they talking about? This ad is using sex to sell a product, but it's poorly done. It's sloppy. And it appeals to, well, probably a lot of guys. Because guys are an easy sell. Haven't you noticed? This makes my point. All a girl has to do is smile at a man and he will never forget. We still remember that time in second grade when a girl halfheartedly complimented us. It's safe to say we're all starving for attention. Women get all kinds of attention. Because that's what they want. That's their value. Men don't get attention from anyone, so when we do, we're "head over heels." Anyway, this ad is a male wet dream. Someone said women want attention and men want sex from a relationship. That's probably an oversimplification. (I would say we all want to be loved, but whatever.) I would like to also not have to cook dinner for myself every single night, but whatever. The actual truth is no one has any idea what women want. Besides shoes.
See? Women want attention. It's an actual selling point for this product. It used to be no big deal (or a desirable thing) for a woman to get attention from men. Now it's not allowed. Women feel traumatized or something. I don't get it. But that's the world we live in now. Pardon me for wanting to move to Russia where men are still men and women are still women and they don't even want to talk about what other genders may exist in someone's else's head.
Since the Barbie movie is a thing now, I thought we could look at some old Barbie characters. They look like they're going to a funeral. How fun! Since we discussed what women want, let's find out what Barbie wants. Barbie, what do you want? Looks like she wants to go home and take a nap and a valium. Not necessarily in that order. She may even beat Ken a little bit.
Yep, that's the actual name of the product. From back when women wanted attention from men.
I cannot decode this ad. If I look at the symbology of it, it looks like the husband is in a cuckold situation. I know that face. It's gonna be okay, buddy. Enjoy your cigarette.
And this guy just looks like a groomer. Boy, this is turning dark. Good thing this is the last time I'll do this. This is a product you can still buy. I don't see why anyone would, though. (Yes, I've actually purchased it.) You can go to Arby's or Hardee's and get something similar but much better. And without freezer burn.
In case you can't read the small type it says Ralston Purina at the bottom. Yes, those people were right. Canned tuna really is cat food.
This one just cracked me up. Is the girl in the middle shushing the woodpecker? I hope so. He also appears to be heeding. Do the children have a bunch of tomatoes? What? Why?
Cheez Whiz has to be spelled like that because it's not even real cheese. My mom used a lot of Cheez Whiz and the like. When you've got five people to feed and four of them are male, you do what you have to do. And try not to go crazy in the process.
The Chrysler Conquest wasn't a novel idea. The Big Three (Chrysler, Ford, and General Motors) were importing cars and rebadging them for a long time before the Conquest. (And other car companies do it, too.) A lot of people don't realize what they're actually buying and where it comes from. They just see the badges they prefer (we all have some brand loyalty), drive it, and sign the paperwork. And that's how people who went shopping for a Chrysler ended up driving a Mitsubishi. The reasons companies do this are many and varied, but often the reason is because they want to compete in a segment but lack a competitive product and the cost of developing something for that segment is too high. So they go the easy route, join the game, and maybe develop their own product in the meantime or see what happens. Needless to say, the name Conquest was not an accident, but I don't know how many literal conquests Chrysler made with this rebadged Mitsu.
Leonard Cohen was and is a legend. While he was alive, he was recognized as such. His lyrics and songs were achingly beautiful. I used to listen to his music quite a bit. But, as is often the case, there was a sadness in much of it, especially when contemplating love. We all want love. To love and be loved. It's such a simple, humble request of the heart, but I wonder how many of us find it. Cohen was a Jew who also dabbled in other religions. So close but still so far from the One True Love, Jesus Christ. Without Him, we will always search and fail to fulfill that basic need to be loved. Oh, how our hearts ache for God's love, but we run to and fro, filling our lives with cheap imitations and devilish trickery. It doesn't matter how great a man is or what he's done in his life if he hasn't found and accepted God's love. It's all wasted effort.
I had to look closely at the appliance at the top. It's a hair dryer. I don't know why the air wasn't sufficient to dry hair back then, but it wasn't. It's probably a matter of time and effort. Same thing today. We don't have time, so we need more products to help us. How long does it take for hair to dry, anyway? Too long, apparently. C'mon, Connie, we have to get to the movies! Billy's waiting in the driveway.
Places like this used to be common. Have some cheap pizza and let the kids go wild on some machines. Burn off all that youthful energy while the parents take a break! Now kids are sedated by their phones and social media accounts. But, seriously, a lot of things came and went. They were in style for a while but then no more. Why?
I think we all know why this went out of style. Also, this photo is quite disarming. Literally. She has no arms! She's like a Phoenix of fashion. A horrible Phoenix of fashion. I'm sure after that fashion trend fizzled out this lady rose from the ashes to model something amazing. But we're left with this photo that continues to torment us. Thanks.
Star Wars and Disney have long been intertwined, and now Disney owns the rights to the Star Wars universe of characters. Disney is all about escapism and fantasy and Star Wars is the same. It's a good marriage, but I've lost track of all of it. I know too much about both. Disney was a mind control programming center (still is) and the Star Wars themes were also used in programming. At its core, it is witchcraft and sorcery. And those aren't thing I want to be a part of.
I was trying to figure out what sort of disability these two had until I realized Colgate was trying to show us they have a "ring of confidence." Sometimes it takes me a while ...
Ah, yes, the 90s. I suppose we can call it retro now. It doesn't feel like it was that long ago, but it really was. Some of those trends are iconic. The music was better. People were more optimistic. The internet was new. Malls were still a thing. You could call a girl on an actual phone. You had to go out of your house to do things. And you did. You may have even called a girl, went to the mall with her, and then jumped on the internet later. The thing you realize when you look at retro stuff is that right now is going to be retro someday. Enjoy what you have while it's here and now and in your grasp. If I could go back to when this ad came out, I would definitely change some things. But I don't want to look back in 20 years or whatever and have the same thought about what I'm doing now. So, my advice: live your life. Enjoy it. Enjoy those around you. Live in the moment. And, every once in a while, look back at how far you've come.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
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