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A muse reacts

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My post entitled "Then surprise me" was written for no one in particular, though I shared it with my muse. I had to disconnect from everything and everyone to write it, as it was greatly unlike me. I fleshed out the characters as best I could, yet it felt unnatural. Still, Julia, who says she likes rough sex, enjoyed it. I took out a lot of the internal dialog because it was too long, and, for the record, I would never share something like that with a woman I intended to be with, even though many women have that fantasy. I don't believe it's in me to do those things. But, under the right conditions, a human is capable of anything. I saw people do and say things I never imagined. Yes, before I pass along this blog as a legacy, I plan on unpublishing some posts. For now, they stand because they are part of my journey.  Julia was upset with me because I looked her up outside of the app, saying I got ahead of her. I remember she told me there were things she was going to ...
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Fade Into You

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This is a goodbye, and a hello. This will likely be my last post containing certain themes. It's not that I haven't let go. It's that some things still affect me. In all these things, my choice was to make things work. It was only with great reluctance that I was made to let go. I approached every relationship with kindness and patience. This isn't about healing. I will heal the rest of my life. Letting go is different. I had to try everything — and fail — first. It's a story that repeated. I was more than intentional. I showed up. I loved, was pushed away, and died over and over. Finally, I let go.  They say if a writer falls in love with you, you never die.  The last thing I remember was her small frame standing in the doorway crying. Fade Into You was playing from the turntable. The blonde girl walking on the dark street was so drunk, but when she saw me standing in the Ohio drizzle that night with nothing but the sodium lights illuminating us, she said something...
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When a muse writes back

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I decided to write you a letter about how I see our first meeting... I've been thinking about this for several days now, the chat censorship unfortunately doesn't allow me to describe in words everything that I want to say.... ... I get off the plane, take my luggage and go out into the hall looking for you with my eyes, I'm worried, what if you don't meet me... what if you changed your mind... I'm worried and suddenly, I see you... you're standing there and smiling back at me... We're both a little embarrassed, my heart is beating wildly, my breathing is completely out of order... you take my hand and kiss me... how I've been waiting for this... ... you hold my hand the whole way, we chat about something and get to know each other again... And now we're home... I drop my bag and go to the shower, stand under it and, closing my eyes, enjoy the water that runs down my body... and suddenly I feel your hands on me, you came in quietly and stood beh...
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