my careless contagion

Slipping in and out of sleep, I dreamed you were here, your body against mine. Through closed eyes, we felt one another across a great distance. You teased me repeatedly, making me want you, then retreated, asking me what's wrong. There's nothing wrong with wanting. What's wrong is the not having, not being sure, grasping for the golden ring, like falling in love with a movie star from long ago.  My eyes opened, and you weren't there. But I was sure you were momentarily, visiting repeatedly. We connected across time and space, like a portal yawned open for a moment. Our souls touched. Our hearts met. Then you were gone again.  Are you a wild animal which refuses to be kept, more at home in the forest than with man? A cat, a fox, a wolf. All have been tamed to a degree, but all retain a wild heart. The fox in The Little Prince said we are forever responsible for what we have tamed. But you there is no taming. You come and go as you please — like the wind, the waves, a fi...

"Divorce is stupid," I thought, as I turned my attention back to the game of billiards I was playing with my son. I observed the man I just met with his girlfriend and her kids at the pool. We were playing pool at the clubhouse, and my son said he knew the man so went and said hi, which led to me meeting him, as well. My thoughts continued with, "You just exchange families and end up raising someone else's kids, while some other man raises yours."  Incidentally, I met this man before, before all the bullying at my son's school. It was orientation. The man knew who I was and introduced himself because he did work for my parents and thought they were great people. (They can be.) Dominic is his name. He is the father of the kid, Ben, who was my son's main bully when school started. To say he was displeased with his son's actions would be an understatement. His son continues to exhibit poor behavior, but it's not usually directed at my son. They say ...

All the lights go down as I crawl into the spaces Fight, flight, or the screams, life tearing at the seams Wait, I don't ever want to be here Like punching in a dream, breathing life into my nightmare If it falls apart I will surely wake it Bright lights turn me green, this is worse than it seems Wait, I don't ever want to be here Like punching in a dream, breathing life into my nightmare They'll get through, they'll get you In the place that you fear it the most In the corner, where it's warmer In the face that you wish was a ghost Wait, I don't ever want to be here Like punching in a dream breathing life into the nightmare *** Punching In A Dream was released in August 2010 by the New Zealand indie band The Naked And Famous on their debut album. It was featured on many platforms, including the show The Vampire Diaries, which I used to watch. The Nina Dobrev/Candice King duo kept me coming back, long after it was clear it was just a soap opera with blood. But t...

A Million Miles Away captures the plaintive longing and destitution of separation. Maybe you've been there. I think we all have. But there's more going on.  This song was featured on the classic film Valley Girl (1983), which helped make the band popular.  A lot changed since 1982, when this song was released. Back then, you couldn't text your love interest. You could call them, but they weren't home. People didn't just hang around at home. You'd have to leave a message, or it would just ring out. It would be like trying to reach me on my personal phone while I'm working. Good luck, everybody (nobody).  The song details a forever loss, not a temporary separation. Peter Case, songwriter, said it was written after a cherished affair ended. It portrays feeling lost, distant, alone, removed, bored, and maybe a little crazy. There is some hyperbole (like bro, you can't be a million miles away), but overall, the mood is somber and understated. That's becau...

Joey Baby Don't get crazy Detours, fences I get defensive I know you've heard it all before So I don't say it anymore I just stand by and let you Fight your secret war And though I used to wonder why I used to cry 'til I was dry Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside Oh Joey if you're hurting so am I Joey Honey I've got the money All is forgiven Listen, listen But if I seem to be confused I didn't mean to be with you And when you said I scared you Well, I guess you scared me too But we got lucky once before And I don't want to close the door And if you're somewhere out there Passed out on the floor Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore Joey Baby Don't get crazy Detours, fences I get defensive I know you've heard it all before So I don't say it anymore I just stand by and let you Fight your secret war And though I used to wonder why I used to cry 'til I was dry Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside Oh Joey if you're hurting...

Love of a Lifetime was recorded in 1990 and released in 91. Ancient history. Probably forgotten by most who lived through those years. FireHouse was not a huge band (though their hair was), but they did have radio hits, of which this was their biggest. Sadly, I heard the lead singer passed a while back, but not before realizing how many people got married to this song, which he wrote.  Why am I, in 2025, writing about a song popular on the radio in 1991? Because, when the opening chords played all those years ago, I was captivated. I sat by the radio until it played (it was on heavy rotation) and taped it, believe it or not. I knew — someday — I would have the same kind of love he sang about.  It wasn't the first time I noticed an obsessive streak in myself. When I find something interesting or compelling, I chase it down every dark and winding path. (My last name actually means to hunt or to chase a defeated foe. It's an old name, now believed to be of Dutch origin, though we...

Killing Me Softly With His Song was released by Roberta Flack in 1973, which is ancient history for me, as I wasn't born. But good songs have good bones, and good bones hold up to the creeping sands of time, which threaten to bury us all.  This song was written a couple years before Roberta recorded it, and many have since covered it to varying degrees of popularity. One of the most notable covers was The Fugees  (1996), before Lauryn Hill left to pursue a solo career. I recall owning The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, which is a good album.  In the hands of an artist, the meaning of a song can change. Roberta's version reveals the song is about a touching moment between a musician and a woman in the crowd. It's as if the man knew her deepest thoughts and desires, even her pain.  In the hands of the Fugees, it became a lost-love or unrequited-love song. It's not a love song, as we don't do happy songs anymore. They don't sell. What sells is poignancy and pain, an ...

This video (and she has others that go deeper) does a good job explaining how the Charlie Kirk false flag will be used to create a *turning point* in this nation. A turning point to the New World Order's New Age religion, of course.  If you're new to the idea that the far right and Christianity has been taken over by Jesuits intending to create a one-world religion, hang on. It gets heavier. This isn't new. They were completely in control of Hitler's regime, and we brought those Nazis (Jesuits) to America after the war (Operation Paperclip). People talk about "Hitler's pope," but, honey, it was the other way around.  You can deep dive this stuff until you're blue in the face. There is a spiritual power at work as a result of this "assassination," but I'm afraid it's not the God of the Bible. It is a false revival, but we can pray that this, too, is used for God's purposes. If God shows you the opposition, He intends for you to fig...

The storm blew up while we were a mile from home. As luck would have it, neither of us checked the forecast. The rain never lasts long, but today it did, driving everyone inside. We were alone on the sidewalk, running now. We laughed because it happened so fast. We were soaked within seconds. Glad  I didn't bring my phone. Our happy, little walk turned into a fiasco, but we didn't seem to mind.  When my key hit the lock, I exhaled a sigh of relief. We stripped to our underwear there in the hallway, and you took a shower first. I wondered what was taking so long, but soon you were out and laying on the bed, a towel wrapped around your hair and a soft robe around your still shivering body. I showered quickly and joined you, throwing a fuzzy blanket over us. We laughed at the stupidity of running in the rain when we were already wet, then taking showers after, as if that fixed anything. We were still chilled, and you took off your robe and pressed yourself against me — not as an ...