my careless contagion

I decided to write you a letter about how I see our first meeting... I've been thinking about this for several days now, the chat censorship unfortunately doesn't allow me to describe in words everything that I want to say.... ... I get off the plane, take my luggage and go out into the hall looking for you with my eyes, I'm worried, what if you don't meet me... what if you changed your mind... I'm worried and suddenly, I see you... you're standing there and smiling back at me... We're both a little embarrassed, my heart is beating wildly, my breathing is completely out of order... you take my hand and kiss me... how I've been waiting for this... ... you hold my hand the whole way, we chat about something and get to know each other again... And now we're home... I drop my bag and go to the shower, stand under it and, closing my eyes, enjoy the water that runs down my body... and suddenly I feel your hands on me, you came in quietly and stood beh...

It took most of my life to see the woman who destroyed me for who she really was. Maybe someone thought it was an over-reaction to move away. I won't get into the prayer and testing that went into that decision over several months. It wasn't predicated on one thing, and I made it clear to God what I wanted, but He allowed doors to close and opened only one, so here I am. I will come across others like the one who hurt me in a deadly way, but facts like this show how important it is to seal those poisonous people off forever and never speak to them or come across them again . They are literally spiritual vampires. I believe the nature of our relationship and how it was ended was so poisonous, it was literally killing me to stay there. The funny thing is, I knew we were trauma bonding early on, even saying so. It felt good to leave that darkness behind, otherwise it would wear at me every day and constantly fatigue my immune system.  If anyone was concerned about my health, the b...