my careless contagion

Another milestone for this blog! I've reached 400 posts in a little over two years. That equals a post every 2-3 days. That's a lot of writing, which equals a lot of therapy. Thank you for following along! I'm tired of talking about myself. I'm tired in general. Perhaps the bulk of the work is done. Through this reflective writing therapy, considerable insight was gained. Putting my thoughts and feelings here was valuable.  When this blog began, I had no idea where it would take me. I wrote because I didn't have anyone with whom to share my thoughts and feelings. I needed an outlet at a very ugly time in my life. My divorce was the catalyst for this blog, though many things have been discussed since then. I've gone through just about every emotion and have somehow survived, though I am changed. I am a decidedly different human being than when I entered the portal of pain called divorce. As for the dissolution of my marriage, perhaps the best way to sum ...

This post examines the meaning of the word reconcile. I've put the definition I found here. 2019 gave me a lot to reconcile, needless to say. This is how I sorted things out. reconcile ( r ɛ kənsaɪl ) Word forms: reconciles , reconciling , reconciled 1.   transitive verb If you reconcile two beliefs, facts, or demands that seem to be opposed or completely different, you find a way in which they can both be true or both be successful. It's difficult to reconcile the demands of my job and the desire to be a good father. 2.   ergative passive verb If you are reconciled with someone, you become friendly with them again after a quarrel or disagreement. He never believed he and Susan would be reconciled. 3.   transitive verb If you reconcile two people, you make them become friends again after a quarrel or disagreement. ...my attempt to reconcile him with Toby. 4.  transitive verb If you reconcile yourself...

Fifty reasons why I am bad at relationships (and life in general). Haha, prepare yourself for a long post. It's quite possible I made some of these up. Hint: I didn't make up the first one. Or the last one. 1) My voice is shitty. It vacillates between sounding like Hank Hill, the protagonist of King of the Hill (an animated series created by Mike Judge), and Ned Flanders from The Simpsons. I'm surprised I was allowed to have sex with a woman, any woman, with a voice like this. I'm pretty sure there's a law against it. Don't make me yell for any reason or bears will come out of the forest and eat babies out of sheer annoyance. I sound like a dying pterodactyl. Making love to another dying pterodactyl. *Shudder* 2) My sex drive went for a drive and never came back. Considering what I have to offer women, that's probably okay. I don't think anyone is going to feel sad they're missing out on my gummy worm. Actually, it's more like a gummy bea...

Sunday, May 21, 2017, I was driving my pickup back from seeing the woman of my dreams. We had shared a very quick and very perfect 24 hours together. It was just us. Nothing else. And I think it surprised both of us by how good it was. We didn't do anything special. We went out to eat. We went to the high school track and walked around it a few times, talking. We reminisced. We kissed. It felt completely natural and relaxed.  On May 27, 2017, she started pushing back. It was such a short time period between those two events. One must have caused the other. What looked like rejection and betrayal to me was something else, something I don't have room to go into here. Clearly, what happened hurt, but it's all gone now, washed under the bridge. I've decided to rename my feelings and change my perspective, which has been extremely helpful and healing.  So, whatever it was, it doesn't matter now. Life goes on and we have to, too. While my conscience is clear and ...