my careless contagion

Notes on a girl. Much of the information is several years or even decades old. This is how I remember her. I don't want to misrepresent her but also feel an explanation is in order for why I persisted in chasing her so long. Some of this is speculative. I will always see her as perfect. What I seek to show is the woman I fell in love with, the woman I chased, and the woman I still love. She always seemed out of my league. I never sought to bring her to my level but, rather, rise to hers. (Started writing this in August. I truly loved writing about her.) I knew her since we were 10 years old when I moved to her town over Christmas break. I recall teasing her about her hair, which she braided one day, calling her Laura Ingalls Wilder, perhaps because I used to watch Little House on the Prairie and one of the girls had braided hair. She was always near, maybe because we were often seated by last names and ours both began with N. She seemed responsive and friendly. I was in a new schoo...

So, welcome back. I'm working on another post about a girl I chased for years. Some things I need to talk about first. Life is primarily about chasing two things: food and procreation. I didn't want to eat her and procreation was out of the question since we're both too old. What was it that drew me to her so long? What draws me still? Was it some basic, caveman urge to have her to myself? Was it a spiritual bond that seemed to go only one way? What tied me to her on a level I couldn't reach? Was it simple love? Or a deep admiration? An unwillingness to let go of something of great value? Maybe all of it. Maybe something else. But I will try to explain later.  What I need to talk about first is the art of chasing a female, which I'm admittedly not good at. Even if I was, I don't think it would have mattered. I honestly thought she wanted to move forward with me for a minute. Not sure what happened. Or if I imagined it. She didn't remember my birthday this ye...