my careless contagion

I wrote this post this summer but didn't post it, obviously. I edited it a tiny bit to take out the most negative things. I guess it's okay to post it now, just for my own record. I was still holding on to something. What it was, I don't know. Yes, I believe God told me something two years ago about being with Cindy, but maybe I had to let go of that original relationship first before something legitimate could take its place. Or maybe I just love with foolish abandon. Maybe both.  Anyway, here's a post I neglected to post 5 or 6 months ago. Maybe I should post all my neglected drafts since everything is over. Then I can write love letters again since that's all I seem to want to do anyway. Get the disappointment out of the way and just write what you want, Joshua. Write about how much you love that girl. There's nothing to lose anymore. It's already been lost. There's a verse in Matthew (6:21) that says where your treasure is, there will your hear...

He likes to layer his look. He has two watches on and lots of stuff in his pockets, too.  I miss my son. He's the child I never thought I'd have. I wanted many children, but I got one. But he's worth a whole bunch. If you met him, you'd understand.  I miss him because I don't get to see him much. Even though I'm not sure what to do with him or what to say to him, I still want him around.  My prayer was I'd be able to go back to school. I abandoned all hope of being able to finish what little I could, which turned out to be an associate's degree. I left these things in God's hands and told Him I'd go back only if He opened the door. I was surprised once again because that door flung open this year.   I have 50 percent custody of my son, which I thought was fair. I could have had primary custody. I didn't think that was fair to my son or his mom. But, I don't see him 50 percent of the time because I work full-time and am taking ...

Living alone again has taught me a few things. It's helped me to remember some things, too, like I'm not bad at taking care of myself, especially when I have enough time. I can make food. I can clean. I can shop for things. Most of my married existence was spent alone anyway, so my skills are not too rusty. Doing laundry is much simpler. It's only a load or two a week.  I can watch whatever I want to watch on TV. I've noticed that I have a hard time watching anything bloody or with a lot of swearing, though. Something in me is bothered by that. I don't know when that started. I enjoy psychological thrillers more than anything else.  Sometimes I sit in my recliner and watch Netflix in my underwear and eat my Haagen Dazs strawberry ice cream (which I think is my new favorite, supplanting pistachio gelato), and it's hard for me to think about the future. I'm simultaneously licking my spoon and licking my wounds.  Let's recount some of my rel...