my careless contagion

I don't know if she still reads here. I don't know if she thinks about me much anymore. I really don't know much, but I know she means the world to me. I see her trying. She's afraid. She's holding on to what she knows. She's afraid of what she doesn't know. I wish it was easier. Someday it will be. I know she'll be okay. I know because my Father told me.  When someone has been through hell in a relationship, they don't have the same fire to begin again. The fire is gone, but the need for love remains. The struggle of that person is a spectacular thing. It is a precious fight for sanity and safety and to not lose oneself in love. I want her to know it will be okay. We will both be okay. Because neither of us are in control. There is One who is in control, and He knows our struggles. He sees every tear and frustration, every moment of terror. Every fear. Every time we look in the mirror and wonder if they see what we see. Every moment we see that slip...

On and off I’ve been talking to someone who used to be a counselor. They have mentioned quite a few times I should try to figure out my attachment style. It sounded like yet another psychological mumbo jumbo thing, so I didn’t. A recent conversation changed my mind. The question I asked them was, “When a man has a background of childhood abuse/childhood sexual abuse, how does that affect his adult relationships,” which led them to suggest a video about attachment styles. So, I watched it, bored as hell. But, the last attachment style sounded really familiar. It was fearful-avoidant. It’s sort of a push-pull style. It's wanting intimacy but not being able to have it. I’ve decided to let a couple of articles do the talking. The first one lists some of the signs of this style, of which I have many. The page cuts off, but that’s the main thing I wanted to show.  The second one is geared more toward helping an individual with this style and those ...