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Showing posts with the label farewell

She Found You (Samiam)

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I would be remiss to leave this space without posting something from Samiam (it's been a while, but I did post something before). I had to do a bit of a thinky-think session as to what to post, though. She Found You (1997) won, though many others deserve honorable mention. Simply wanted to post a good song from a band that captured my attention for many years. This was one of the first songs I heard and it's still a favorite. I even drove from Ohio to Pittsburg (staying in New Jersey, eww) to see them play a festival, and then turned around and caught them in Detroit about a week later. They continue to record music and tour. Anyway.  Other songs contending for the prize were Mud Hill (a proper breakup song), Dull (about how dull life can be when you're alone), and Sunshine (how I imagine being a girl and the object of someone's affection feels like). None of them made as much sense as She Found You, as it is clear I was greatly affected by relationships with women in...

(An edited) Farewell

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I think all men (perhaps especially those employed as spies) desire at least one person with whom they feel they can share anything. This blog has fulfilled that role in my life and has become, in effect, my mistress (because, unfortunately, I cannot marry her, as she is not a real person but, rather, a one-way forum for dispensing my thoughts and feelings). But the time has come to kiss her sweet mouth — that never uttered a word — goodbye. She heard much, but she never told a soul. If I was a spy, I would keep coming back to her. The purpose of this blog was to help me deal with my divorce. I started it days before my divorce was finalized in 2018. Unfortunately, since then, my life has overwhelmed me in an unexpected and disgraceful way. I held onto two things during the most difficult days: the love I had for a woman named Cindy and walking with God. But, today, I am not in a healthy place. I'm not where I wanted to be when I ended this blog. I contemplate suicide ever...

One woman

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Men have probably rhapsodized — ecstatically — about women as long as they have had the language with which to do so. Women are truly special, created because God felt man should not be alone. They weren't formed from a blank, so to speak, but from the template of Adam. As such, they fill a void in man. I've known the lack of a woman most of my life. Furthermore, I've known the lack of a good woman my entire life. A good woman fills a man's void. A less-than-good woman breaks a man and makes him wish he had a void in his life. But let's not digress so soon. I have been given the rare gift of retrospective insight. Though it is too late in life to do me any good, it is nonetheless a gift. Not everyone gets a chance to see so clearly their life's many mistakes. Perhaps one of my biggest mistakes was choosing to spend my life with a woman who was no good for me. It is easy for me to say life would have gone better had I made a better decision, but, as t...

A farewell to sex

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Living the life of a divorced man was something I never foresaw. Actually, being married was something I didn't foresee, as well. At this point in my life, I think I've been wandering around like a blind man most of the time. Nothing else can explain my utter cluelessness about everything.  When you get a divorce, you lose many things. Mostly, you lose the security of what you had. You lose money and things and people you thought would always be there. Men especially seem to be clueless about how to move on. Our male friendships don't support us through things like this. And, if you're a loner like me, you don't have that option anyway.  Above everything else, I miss sex. There are all kinds of sex that people can have. I just miss sex. Any kind. I'm a one woman kind of man, and I've only been with one woman. So, going out and having sex with some stranger won't work for me. I'm not built that way. The only option I have is to simply m...