my careless contagion

My divorce was finalized Feb. 8, 2018, about two months after it was supposed to be finalized, but things always take longer in this town. I recall the day. It was cold, of course. I handed her a packet of papers that said it was all over, but it was over before that. As it was said about F. Scott Fitzgerald and his wife, Zelda, we leaned on each other and both fell down.  I probably blamed my ex for too much. She is actually one of the finer people I've known, but with problems that impacted us negatively. I could talk about her good qualities at length, but this blog's purpose was to help me move on. Anyway, people do what they do for good reasons, and regardless of the consequences. It was my fault for accepting the situation and for so long. I should have walked away earlier, but that is easier said than done when you care about someone. I didn't dwell much on her psychology or try to explain why she did what she did, but her past is similar to mine, and those childhood...

This is the time and space where I'm supposed to talk about what I learned in the three years running this blog. I'm supposed to say how much I've grown (groan) or whatever. So, I guess we'll do that. I'd like to say a lot changed, but that never seems to be the case. I should have moved quickly in any given direction, but I felt God was telling me to wait. Instead, I got bogged down in a morass of self-pity. Maybe it was necessary to stand still and heal, but with blood in the water, it was an open invitation to the sharks that swam around me. Unfortunately, I learned how cruel, pathetic, and unsympathetic people can be when one is trying to heal. I also learned they will blame you for something you didn't do just because. It makes me wonder if it does any good to try to live an upright life if I'm just going to be treated like a criminal. But that's not me. That's my disillusionment talking. Prepare for a long read.  This blog is pedagogical in nat...

On and off I’ve been talking to someone who used to be a counselor. They have mentioned quite a few times I should try to figure out my attachment style. It sounded like yet another psychological mumbo jumbo thing, so I didn’t. A recent conversation changed my mind. The question I asked them was, “When a man has a background of childhood abuse/childhood sexual abuse, how does that affect his adult relationships,” which led them to suggest a video about attachment styles. So, I watched it, bored as hell. But, the last attachment style sounded really familiar. It was fearful-avoidant. It’s sort of a push-pull style. It's wanting intimacy but not being able to have it. I’ve decided to let a couple of articles do the talking. The first one lists some of the signs of this style, of which I have many. The page cuts off, but that’s the main thing I wanted to show.  The second one is geared more toward helping an individual with this style and those ...