my careless contagion

I sat on the floor of the top-floor apartment in Bowling Green, Ohio, I shared with my then-girlfriend and listened to this song, poring over the lyrics and staying quiet the entire 8-plus minutes, wanting only to hear the music and whatever it meant. (At the time, this song was barely more than 10 years old, as it came out in 1989.) I was drunk, but not too drunk to appreciate the sentiment. "That's a beautiful song," I said when it was over, seemingly to no one, but Mike, my then-girlfriend's friend who slept that night on the couch, heard. (I never did ask if he and her had a relationship in the past. Some things were better off not known.) And he agreed like it was always so. Yet I had just discovered it. Music no longer holds that sort of meaning for me. I'm all angst-ed out. You can say the same about pictures. I don't fetishize them either. Maybe working with photos for 7.5 years as a graphic artist and much longer as amateur photographer weaned me off ...

I know it's weird I'm already posting again, but I wrote the last post a while ago, so now it's not weird, right? Yeah, probably still weird. But I write when I get the urge, and last night, I got the urge, thus, I wrote. Haha. I hate using the word thus. Or thusly. How about the word firstly? Talk about a dog of a word. Haha. Hey, it's my blog. I do what I want. Onward.    Youth Brigade was founded in 1980, and they still tour, and even someone as bad at math as me knows that is a long time for a band, especially a hardcore band, to be around. It may help that three brothers founded it. They also founded Better Youth Organization, and they were always a positive voice for the next generation. I don't recall if they were straight edge, but I always thought of them that way. Loads of respect.    Last Day of the Year was always my December 31 anthem, going back maybe 20 years. When I lived in a college town the lyrics were appropriate because I could see "people ...

It feels good to close the door on this year. Holy crap. It was a decidedly horrid year. And now it is in its waning moments. This was the year I ran out of everything. It was like the world stopped. A lot of people know what I'm talking about. Suicides went off the charts. Drug and alcohol abuse soared. People lost hope. And we got to see what the new world order looks like.  Will next year be better? We can only hope. And pray. And pray some more. Heads up: this is a long post. Kinda hard to sum up this disastrous year with few words.   I close this year with a confession of error. I was wrong about something very important to me, something which I sought God about literally thousands of times (or, it is possible I was simply unable to do what God told me to do, but the outcome is the same). I am beyond humbled. My consolation is everything was submitted to God long ago. This thing needs more prayer because I'm not settled in my understanding. I have an easier time accepting...

This is my (brilliantly titled) end-of-year post. And what a year it has been. I apologize in advance, as this is a long post. Ya might wanna get some popcorn. 2019 started with a hefty dose of back to reality. It's definitely been a strange ride. Some highlights include seeing Cindy and meeting her kids (a highlight for me, probably not for them), as well as seeing my son embrace Play Partners (which is a sort of junior kindergarten which meets twice a week). Next was getting my two-year degree. I felt good about those things. Unfortunately, the year ended knowing there was no desire for a relationship on Cindy's end. She decided to mend her relationship with her ex. That's definitely good for her, as it was hard to see her wallowing in what I thought was indecision. Bad for me, though. All the illusions I had about us ended. But, that doesn't take away from good things that happened this year. And all I can do is follow God's lead, even though it takes me une...