my careless contagion

I know I'm posting this on Oct. 27, but what happened last night is the crux of the matter. The problem is, I don't know how to talk about things properly because there is something that needs to be explained first. And I will. In a future post.  Cindy messaged me and wished my son a happy birthday in advance. Somehow it ended up being a texting match followed by a half-hour phone call and her frustrated in tears and me feeling like I'd been hit by a bus. None of that was planned, and that's probably why she doesn't want to reach out to me anymore. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the straw that broke the camel's back. This summer, when I tried to "break off" any chance of a future relationship with her, I felt she said she didn't accept that. Well, what she was telling me was there was nothing to break off because there was no relationship. What I was trying to break off was the chance of something — someday. I thought sh...

July 16, 2017, is the day Cindy broke off our relationship for good. I asked her not to come to see me if that was her intention. She did anyway. Some things have to be done in person. It was fair, though. I didn't think I'd get the girl. I used her to help destroy my marriage, and that's unforgivable. I tainted that perfect girl with our illicit relationship, and she ended it with class and poise. She was sick that weekend. So sick. Yet she came to see me. She had to do what she was going to do; that was clear. And she did it with practiced precision. When it was over, I cried. I said I wanted to be alone. Then I reversed and said I wanted to look at her because I realized it might be the last time I saw her. She shook with sobs as we hugged and said goodbye. There is a picture of me when I got home that day. My son is sitting with me in a chair, drinking his milk. I look tired as usual, but there is something else. I look like I have been gutted. And, indeed, I had...